reacently broken up with my first love

[princesskizzie]

um im not really sure how to put this in words, i havent really come to terms with the fact that my now ex boyfriend and i have split up. im 18 and had been with my boyfriend nearly 3 years, he was my first love and before that my absolute best friend. i have known him since i was about five, and wen we got together it felt so natural like we should have done it years before. he had to persuade me at first to give things a go as i didnt want us to loose our friendship but it was the best decision i made

however over the last 6 months we havent really been communicating, i was feeling a bit suffocated and felt like perhaps we were being to serious wen at 18 we should have been having fun, he and i had not really had serious relationships before as we were young and i guess i felt almost like i was missing out, i know this came accross in my attitude towards him, the excitement was no longer there and we were just sorta going through the motions as it were. i have always been flirty and i know its a bad trate. he used to get uet about this and that led to further bickering, but overall i was completely inlove.

heres the thing, he doted on me fully gave me all the love i could ever ask for treated me like a princess, he was the most caring giving and funny guy i have ever known, and to be honest i was scared by it.i have always tended to keep as much of a distance as i could between me and those i loved most, i think this stems from being sexually abused as a child by my father, do not get me wrong i am in no need of therapy about that, i have been givin tons of it and i believe i am quite well adjusted as far as that department goes im not on antidepressants or suffer from any of the typical syptoms most people automatically associate with abused children. however the effects of abuse still haunt u even if u do feel u have surpassed them, this got in the way of our sexual activities as i have never felt fully comfortable and although he never put pressure on me i know sex is expected in serious relationships and did not want to disappoint him. as it happens he is the only man i have ever felt close to or trusted.

anyways moving on from that we eventually broke up about 2 months ago and i am by no means over it i cant believe i will ever find a man as perfect for me as him. and i do not want to. this man has been my whole life for so long and i know I pushed him away and thats what hurts the most that this is a problem i made, as although he gave me all the love he cud, was supportive and understanding, i wud not let him in. scince we first split i now feel i can and cant believe i risked loosing him but he is not willing. he told me he loved me but due to the arguments(not that they were ever particually bad just u know silly ones) ect he had fallen out of love with me but he still cares. this hurts the most if we had ended on bad terms i think it would have been easier as i could focus my thoughts on disliking him, however he stayed true to himself as he was sweet and caring about it all. Although innitially i thought the break up was the right thing i now know i was wrong. i have tryed to explain this to him but he wants to be single and does not wish to get back with me i know he loved me i cant explain it in writing but well i expect uve all been loved by some one so u will understand. i want him to come back to me but i dont think he will im just so lost and confused any advice anyone could give wud be appritiated

[Tigris]

You both wanted different things.

 

He helped to solve the problems from your past. He was always there for you. I think you've suddenly realised your 'comfort blanket' (pardon the expression) has now gone. The only way to solve this new problem is to

go out with your friends and meet new people.

 

In years to come, if you are meant to be with your boyfriend fate will throw you back together!

 

You need time to 'grow' and you both need time to heal!

 

Good luck and take care.

[jna35]

It sounds like he's a great guy! Don't push him though and let him have the space he needs. As much as it hurts to be without him, if you are meant to be together you'll find your way back to each other.

[princesskizzie]

i believe strongly in fate too and feel like as it was fate that brought us together innitially it wud be fate that brings us back together or keeps us separate, but i really am inlove wtih him and yes i suppose u r right he was a *security blanket* but he was also so much more than that.when he broke up with me he said he had fallen out of love. i wish he could feel those feelings again, i know i sound nieve but i believe that if u truly whole heartedly love someone then u will love them forever that that love will always be there so i cant understand how he could suddenly stop. i have tried not to push him and believe thus far i have succeeded in that. i dont know how to move on without him. *smiles* and yes u are also right in that he is a great guy x

[Tigris]

For men there are two types of love. There's the 'head over heals' in love type and love. The second is a comfortable feeling, e.g. the spark's gone. This kind is usually what you get when you've been together for a long time. It means the 'honeymoon' period is over.

 

I'm sorry, but I'm sure this is what he's feeling.

[DN]

What may have been silly arguments to you may have been a deal breaker to him. What appears trivial to one person can be very important to the other and to dismiss them lightly is rarely a good idea.

 

Are you still talking to him - because if you are you may find that a talk about that may help you get the relationship back on track.

[winkie]

The only thing I can say is that it was not meant to be. But I know it may be hard know but take his friendship you will regret it further down the line if you dont. Relationships may come and go but friendships last forever. Honestly, just from what you said I think you need to be alone to figure out what you need and what you want. You pushed him anyway for a reason and if he would have come back to you it would have happened again...it is because you can't have him that you want him back. Leave well enough alone and move on as friends. There may be a future..also did you ever stop and think about his feelings and that maybe you hurt him. I think that everything happens for a reason and you should leave it alone for now. ALso as you stated if you truly love someone it will be there forever yes but you may realize you can love someone but know that they are not for you.

[goddess23]

hey girl. wow....i can RELATEEE. my first love...only guy i ever danced with kissed or ANYTTHING. we went to middle school together and we would just spend hours together after school just talking and then hours online talking. we went out and it was the most wonderful relatinship. and one day he just fell out of love. i was completely heartbroken. but i tried to focus on the positive, TURE aspects of the relatinsihp: it was wonderful, no regrets and it helped me grow as a person. i have beautiful memories to take with me forever. now let me say this. we broke up. and i was heartbroken. and i never for a moment can say that i stopped loving him. but i told myself it wasOVER THAT THERE WAS NO HOPE PERIOD! this was the only way to try and begin to move on. and as we drifted and i cried myself to sleep thinking about the memories i never tried to flirt or contact him or pressure him or even dream that me and him would realistically get back together. then alll of a sudden we just got it back. it just was magic. and we got back together and have been together for about 5 months now. look i dont wanna say that you guys will get back. im trying to say that i know what its like and this is not an easy thing to move on from. and if you guys are meant to be fine but dont push anything and try your best to move on in the meantime whether thers hope or not! good lck!