please help, i need it.

[cantlivewithinyou]

ive been with my boyfriend for 2 years. we're best friends, boyfriend and girlfriend, and beyond. we've agreed we'll get married one day. we're just perfect for each other.

 

with this in mind, ive met someone that im interested in. this makes me feel horrible, even though my boyfriend tells me i shouldnt feel bad at all for being interested in him. im trying my best to let it go, but its been about a month, and i cant get him out of my head.

 

this other guy may prove that my relationship with my boyfriend is all that i need. im looking for that satisfaction, but im so scared to hurt him. he knows about this other guy already, and says everything would be okay, but i cant bear to hurt him. im afraid if i dont even just try to date other people, that ill regret it later on in life.

 

im sorry if this doesnt make much sense, but ask any questions if you have them.

 

please, anyone, i need advice.

[DN]

The answer is simple. Give up any idea of this other guy and concentrate on making your relationship with your boyfriend as perfect as you can,

 

Note that I said it was simple - not easy.

[cantlivewithinyou]

i agree, i do want to concentrate on him. but hes the only relationship...well, long term that i've ever had. i look at the future, and see myself having regrets. even if just have fun dating..i dont know.

[thegirl_00]

Maybe you just like having the other guy around. The boyfriend your with right now cares about you. Give him a chance and do whatever you can to get rid of the other guy because the bf you have right now seems like a good guy. If it doesnt work out, there are more fish in the sea.

[DN]

Then break off with your boyfriend and experiment with other people. Just don't have regrets if you want to go back to him and he is either not available or not interested.

[suprema99]

I don't agree that your boyfriend is telling you it's okay to be intrested in another guy. That sounds way to passive. Whether he really trusts you like that, I don't know. If that's the case, it's gonna hurt him I imagine, if you act on what your talking about here.

[Lexicon85]

Your boyfriend's response is interesting. Does he mean you have an open relationship? Does he expect you to go for it or get over it?

[simulacra]

First off, I think it's really great that you can have that comfort level in your current relationship to be open with each other about those sorts of things. Your boyfriend sounds very understanding, mature, and confident of his love for you and of himself.

 

I think he does understand your feelings of curiosity and that's why he says it''s okay. It's human nature to be interested in lots of different things (and people, for that matter).

 

The dilemma, however, still remains. You love your boyfriend and you want to spend your life with him, but at the back of your mind, what if this new guy is great and you are meant to spend your life with him instead? The feeling of possible regret is that if you don't pursue something, you will never know.

 

My view on this situation is to look from within your current relationship. Are there existing problems that are serious enough to warrant a breakup or do you forsee possible issues in your future together? Are there any doubts you have about the relationship working out? If you do have doubts , then that's an indication that there is something within this relationship that needs to be worked on or sorted out. It could also be an indication that the new attraction is/isn't worth pursuing. If you find that you are completely happy about your current relationship and the prospects of it continuing into the future, then you should somehow find a way of forgetting the new guy.

 

I personally don't believe in relationship breaks and open relationships. I think if you're in a situation where you want to experiement, you should just be mature enough to let the other person go (if not for yourself, then definitely for the other person's sake). And whether or not the experiements turn out or not, you should just move on. You made the decision to move on, so you should let them move on too.

 

One other thing you might want to do for deciding how to move forward is this: is there a possiblity of becoming friends with the new guy? Maybe involve other friends or even your boyfriend (if you can all agree to it). Sometimes when we don't know someone that well, we tend to fill in the gaps (good or bad). In this case, you may be filling those unknowns with a lot of positive fantasies and thereforeeee making him more attractive in your eyes. When you get to know him better as a friend, you may find that he is not all that you imagined him to be...

[cantlivewithinyou]

thanks everyone.

 

i really appreciate it

[Briella]

Don't think about what will happen in the future and don't be scared to regret things. You will always have regrets no matter what you do. I made the mistake of letting go because I was scared of how I would feel in the future if I didn't date or sleep with other people.

Meaningless flings don't make you any better of a person.

Love what you have and don't thing about what if. You will only be satified with your life if you let yourself be. No matter what side of the fence you are on, the grass always seems greener.