I desperately need some advice!!!

[jna35]

I'm actually quite embarrassed to write this, but figure I have nothing to lose!

 

I am quiet during sex, as a matter of fact, I don't utter a peep!! I don't want to be like that, but I'm really afraid to lose control. My husband is super patient, but he deserves so much more than I am able to give him.

 

How can I overcome my inhibitions? Please don't give me a simplisitc answer like "just do it." For me it's much easier said than done. I REALLY want to change!!

 

Thanks for any advice you have to offer. I feel extremely alone in this.

[lady00]

Maybe it would help you if you knew why you are so reserved and can't let loose? Do you know? Have you always been like that? This may sound lame...but do you think talking to a therapist about it would help you lose your inhibitions?

[DN]

Is this a problem for your husband?

[RayKay]

Hmmm.....maybe understanding WHY you don't, would help you find a solution.

 

Are you embarrassed of your sexuality? Do you feel somehow that being quiet is what "good women do"?

 

I think it will have to be done in little steps....one way might be to overcome that embarrasment you may have. You and your partner should try using blindfolds one day...both of you. Because it teaches you to focus more on the OTHER aspects of sex other than visual - smell, touch, taste and SOUND. If he can't see you either, it might make YOU feel more comfortable talking or at least moaning!

 

Start off slow, if something is PLEASING you, let your throat do the talking with a moan or not.

 

But here is the question...that HAD to be asked....if you don't lose control or utter a peep....

 

Do you have orgasms? Cause boy, I don't know HOW you can be quiet if you do!

[jna35]

Thanks for the quick replies. I have always had trouble with sex. Part of it stems from my childhood and my upbringing and in part it's how he was in the beginning of our relationship. I would go to therapy if I could afford it. Unfortunately out here it's $100+ per session. My husband accepts it, but I know he wants me to be "free" because he has told me that's the one thing he would change about me.

[DN]

Ok then if it is a problem then follow RayKay's advice.

[jna35]

Thanks RayKay. I will give your advice a shot and take baby steps. Yes, I am tremendously embarrassed. Part of me is afraid I'm going to sound silly. I had grown up being told that only porn stars did things like that and unfortunately it stuck with me all these years. I feel so ridiculous to be like this. I mean my gosh, I'm going to be 36 years old and have been married for almost 17 years!! I drive myself crazy with this. My husband says I think too much, lol! Oh, and I do have orgasms and it takes a lot for me to keep quiet, but sadly I do!

[annie24]

Baby steps then. First, just breathe a little heavier than normal. If he does something you like, say "oooohhhhh" softly. Work up to moans... you don't have to give a full theatrical performance, just you know.... slowly, quietly.... until you get more comfortable.

 

good luck!

[birdgirl]

Yeah, baby steps! I kind of have the same problem with some things.

 

Maybe you can masturbate and try when you're alone, just to get used to it?

 

Or, during sex, focus on breathing more heavily for a while, till you get comfortable with that. Then move on to more sounds. If your husband wants you to make more noise, then my guess is that when you see his reaction, you'll know it's okay, and maybe you'll want to make him react more and more?

[Tigris]

I'm 42 and I had the same problem till a couple of years ago. Now I don't even think about it. The girls are right, heavy breathing first. A gasp of breath when its gooood.

 

At first the problem was my upbringing. Then it was because I heard my next door neighbours through the bedroom wall. If we can hear them, then they can hear us! They must have realised the same thing because they moved their bed!

 

Hope you solve the problem soon. You don't know what you're missing.

[jna35]

Thanks everyone. I'll give it a try. I appreciate the support.