Can Anyone Relate To This?

[NoLoveAqui]

Ever since I broke up with my ex, I've been trying to take the advice that people have been giving me, but none of it is working.

They say things like:

"Move on."

"Go out and meet new people."

"Get a hobbie."

"Reconnect with who *you* are."

 

Yadda, yadda, yadda...blah, blah, blah.

 

Okay, first of all, I don't even know what 'move on' really means, but anyway...

 

I have been getting out, although, I have found that meeting new people isn't easy - especially when you don't have any friends to start with. It's hard to meet people when you're alone. In the past, I usually met new friends through old friends, but I only have one old friend left, and she can't really help.

I have some hobbies, but they only take my mind off of things for a short time. At the end of the night, I'm still lonely.

 

I know who I am and what I want, so I don't need to 'find myself' or anything like that.

 

The thing is, no one seems to understand that all I'm missing is someone to share my life with. I'm not incomplete. I don't *need* a man to make me happy, but I'm tired of being alone.

 

For many years, the relationship with my ex was long distance. I thought he was 'the one,' and that once he came back it would be forever. Well, of course, that wasn't the case, but at the time I had no reason to doubt him when he said he wanted to marry me. I stayed true to him, and I endured countless days and nights alone because I thought, in the end, it would be worth it to be with the man I loved. I guess what I'm trying to say is, I've been alone for a long time - even when I was "with" my ex.

 

Why do people think if you don't want to be alone that it somehow means you don't love yourself? What if you do love yourself, but you're sick of hanging out alone? Why is it so bad to want love and companionship from another? What's so wrong with that? I don't get it.

 

I still cry every night, and on top of that, I feel condemned for not wanting to be alone and feeling this way.

 

Am I the only one? Am I crazy?

[Tigris]

What sort of hobby? Is it one you do by yourself or are you part of a club?

[Reilly2856]

You may trying a dating service either online or otherwise. Another good way to meet others is through the activiites you do. Start a conversation, waiting in line at a coffee shop or at a bus-stop...really common places. It may lead somewhere, if nothing else, you don't have to feel embrassed because you will never see that person again if it doesn't go so well. On hte other hand, if you see a guy every day on your way to work, that may be a reason enough to know him. If you work, start talking around with your co-workers, make friends. Hang out after hours. There are lot's of ways to meet someone. You just have to put yourself out there and make the move. It has to start with you. You know you want someone to share your life with, so what's holding you back?

[NoLoveAqui]

Most of my hobbies are solo, with the exception of playing poker.

 

I do try to put myself out there, but the casual interactions and conversations I have with others don't ever result in friendships or exchanging phone numbers. Maybe I'm not forward enough.

[caasiopia68]

make new friends... thats what ur supposed to start off as anyway... and i now what you mean by not having someone and you feel lonely... your just used to guys being there for you thats all... people are meant to be with other people from the opposite sex... i love my self and i want somebody... your not crazy many people feel like this... once again... your just used to guys being there for you adn thats hy its weird and you feel so lonely with out... good luck...

[Cydeways]

Wow man, im basically right where you are right now. Trying to meet new people when you just moved to a new area and found out a week later that your long time significant other is cheating on you. Not much to do, not too many people to hang with, it just is hard, i cant give you any good advice because i need some myself, but i know how you feel, and its not easy.

[Caldus]

I have found that meeting new people isn't easy - especially when you don't have any friends to start with.

 

Story of my life.

 

I'll get back to you when I figure out an easy way to do this. All I can say is just try to join some new clubs, sports, something. Hopefully there is something out there you're willing to try. Good luck. It's hard, I won't lie about that.

[Shadows Light]

Join a gym... its a win/win thing... you get to work out and get your body in shape. And you will meet new people.

 

Have a communitycollege near by? Take a class. Photography. Ceramics. Art appreication. Music appreciation.

 

Newly divorced? Look up area churches in your area for DIVORCE recovery programs. No. 1.. you can go to the meetings and learn something. No2. You go to the meetings and they answer quesitons like the one you have. No3... you meet other people.

 

No.. you are not crazy. This is typical. And I struggle with it myself. Good-luck.

[Tigris]

I agree with Shadows Light!

 

Good Luck

[Beyond]

No Answers, just a rant! sorry...

 

Yea I know how you feel!

last year I was content, I had a pretty boring life, but was Ok with it.

Then I met a girl at work, It wasn't love at first sight or anything, but once I got to know her, I thought oh my god I like this girl.(Damn feelings!)

So it wasn't like I wanted to be with someone/anyone.

Now I know what I'm missing, I hate my boring life!

I did the brave thing and told her, but we're just friends.

The worst part is her Boyfriend cheats on her and it breaks my heart.

When I'm with her lifes great, but when I'm not...

I have friends, but they happy to sit in and smoke dope, I wanna get out and do things.

I've just lost my job and now my days and nights are empty.

 

[Tsunami]

No, you are definitely not crazy for feeling like that! It's not fair that that had to happen and it must hurt so much..

 

Firstly you have to think that it isn't wrong for you to feel like this, you are hurting just like everyone else does. The reason people say to 'move on' is so that you don't just jump into the first relationship that comes along and put everything into it. It is so easy to get hurt that way! But i have to say, that is one of the most annoying pieces of advise to get when you are aching to be with someone. It's so easy for other people to say.

 

I suggest maybe to find something that happens regulary, like a music club or something, that way you will interact with people on a regular basis and get to know them. Also, my mum has made alot of friends through our dog (strange, i know) this is because when you see other dog owners (whilst walking your dog obviously) you can walk with them and talk about your dog and then suddenly you find yourself having coffee and talking about other things. Do you have a dog?

 

Shadows light's ideas are great, mine are kinda short term quick ones. i hope you cheer up and it goes well!!

[Sentinel]

Hi all, I ran accross this post while Googling "Divorce Recovery" and thought wow, this looks like a neat place to talk.

 

Anyways, I too feel the same way. And most of the advice I have gotten has been go do things you like, or go do things with friends and you will meet people.

 

Maybe you could just pick up and go somewhere you've always wanted to go but never did and you'll meet someone there who had the same idea and you'll hit it off?

 

I've also tried the internet dating sites and they have been a big dissappointment for the most part. Since you say you are not "needing" someone, I would try and make more friends. They can fill the void for you. I am finding that to be the case and I am starting to give up actively looking so much. Then that is when you may meet the "one". When you aren't looking. It happened that way for me.

 

BTW, I was married for nine years so I know what it is like to feel alone after it is over, it does suck but the growth you will achieve is pretty interesting too.

 

You get to really learn who you are, maybe that's what it is? Life is all about lessons and growth, sometimes it's all about timing.

 

So, no worries, eh?