Do i deserve this?

[Hleb]

I was with my girl for 2 yrs. It wasn't serious at the start but it grew but I was insecure in the relationship. She loved me but i couldn't handle her love and I tested her to justify it. i would give reasons why it wouldn't work.we broke up a few times but got back together because deep down I wanted to be with her.Few weeks ago she asked me to her flat to keep her company as her cousin was away. She cancelled the day before saying something had come up. Week later she told me it wasn't working and was tired off breaking up and coming back.Eventually she told me she had met some1 the week before she wanted me to come up.When she ask me to stay with her she suggested staying the night. She justified this by saying she thought the relationship was over months ago and it was just a habit.

why did she stay with me when she didn't want to be with me?

Since she was 16 (she 23 she has never gone a month without another man (not sleeping around - long term relationships though none have lasted more than 2 yrs) when i met her she was splitting up with a man and now she it seems only left me when their is another man (she doesn't seem to let go unless another man is there to catch her !!)

She has said she doesn't want to lose me from her life but any arrangements we made she cancels and then rearranges (2 so far).

 

I miss her

Do you think we both insecure?

I think she always needs a man to be happy and I need 100% proof to know a woman wants me!

 

Should we stay friends or let it go - I don't think she loves the new guy its someone she can go out with her friends with and fill the emotional void.

She was perfect for me and I think I met a lot of what she wants - Is it worth trying again?

(sorry for the long post)

[Cydeways]

kinda sounds like she is just insecure, i mean, its fine if you couldnt handle her love, and wanted to take it slow. But she has some issues with attentions and probably needs it to function, thats what happened to me.

[Hleb]

In the past I felt it wasn't working but she begged me to stay and work at it. Can't believe she can go to a next man straight away without taking time to readjust.She said it was over before but we acted the same and slept together too.

she is a loving girl and i blame myself for not accepting the love. It seem she had an idea of what love was - it meant being intimate having sex being close. I mention to her once to come down and just chill no touching but she said there be no point cos she wanted to get close. In the last few weeks i stop sex just to develop the other side of the relationship but i guess she thought i didn't love her cos i didn't want to have sex with her.

 

She is good at her job has loads of friends can't believe she was insecure with me.

 

since the break i'm the only one who has contacted first then she replies - i thought it be easier for her to contact me cos her life is ok while i'm still hurting.

 

Cydeways, how did you overcome your insecurity?

[Cydeways]

Well, the thing is, is its not you man. My ex whom i JUST broke up with after like 4 years is the same way. My experience, If if i a girl fiends for attention, and isnt proud of what they have in a relationship, they are alive to hurt people. Insecurity... I am very insecure, but i know what i am insecure about, and i know what i want. My ex was the only girl i had ever had sex with, i dumped her once. That weekend somehow i ended up hooking up with another girl, who was just as sexy as my ex girlfriend. Is small things like that that make me a little less insecure about things, like "will i be able to find another partner"

 

I myself would much rather be in a serious relationship because i cant handle the guilt of playing someone. Just be confident in yourself man, find somthing that you know makes you feel good. I, just like you, cannot understand how people can hop from relationship to relationship so fast and effortlessly. If i change a relationship, it takes me a while. I dont think that you are insecure, i think that you have a good head on your shoulders and know what your doing. If you can stop a girl who wants sex to try and build the other side of your relationship, you my friend, are much stronger than me. Its not you, and if you ask me, she is totally wrong for you, as my ex was totally wrong for me. Just think about the scenario before you accuse yourself.

[Hleb]

I've been beating myself up about the way things have gone. I think I always want something better (grass is greener) instead of enjoying what I have now! When I think about her qualities I realise she was the perfect girl for me but something told me she wasn't right maybe my insecurites. i caught in 2 minds whether 2 try again because she seems suited for me or whether I'm just missing someone in my life.......

[Hope75]

why did she stay with me when she didn't want to be with me?

Since she was 16 (she 23 she has never gone a month without another man (not sleeping around - long term relationships though none have lasted more than 2 yrs) when i met her she was splitting up with a man and now she it seems only left me when their is another man (she doesn't seem to let go unless another man is there to catch her !!)

 

I think you have your answer right there is front of you. She defines her value by her ability to hold onto a man and doesn't know how to be by herself. This is not grounds for a healthy relationship because unless you love, respect and value yourself and know how to find happiness within yourself and not depend on someone else for it, you can't love someone else, and give yourself to someone else in a relationship.

 

 

Do you think we both insecure?

I think she always needs a man to be happy and I need 100% proof to know a woman wants me!

 

Yes, I think you are both acting insecure, and I don't think you are capable at this time of having a stable and healthy relationship with each other. Both of you are placing too much of your own worth on how much another person shows you, on how much they "prove" thier love. She was with you as a gf, that in itself was proof that she wanted to be with you, and you didn't trust it and tested her, and drove her away. She doesn't know how to exist anymore without a boyfriend, which she desperately needs to learn before she can truly give to someone else. A good partner should add to your already happy life, not define it. You both have some things to work on, on your own.

 

Should we stay friends or let it go - I don't think she loves the new guy its someone she can go out with her friends with and fill the emotional void.

She was perfect for me and I think I met a lot of what she wants - Is it worth trying again?

 

I would let it go. There is far too much dysfunction between you two and you are not going to get what you want from her if you are just friends, you could not even accept what she had to give you as a gf. Let it go, move on, spend some time on yourself and finding out what makes you happy besides a partner, because one may not always be in your life.

 

When you feel happy with your life as it is, and secure in knowing that is someone is with you they obviously are there because they want to be, and don't need to go over the top to prove it to you constantly, then you may be ready for a relationship again, but not likely with her.

 

Good Luck.

[Hleb]

Hope - I think your right - insecurity was the problem in all of this, because she is with another man )i know it none of my business) but i think she is repeating the same mistakes - she knows she has to get past the 2 yr mark or she feel that its her fault for all the breakups. when we ws together she was so loving and didn't seem insecure but as time went on she kept asking where we was going in the relationship she said she trust me but would check my phone for msgs...I'm taking time alone but its hard I don't feel i can get someone who more compatiable she ticked all the boxes....

 

She says its just a coincidence she finds men straight after each other and she would have dump the guy before me even if she didn't meey me and she thought i had moved on months ago so she didn't feel she jump straight in another relationship.She says she happier now and he treats her like a princess but I wonder if she truly happy or is it just some1 to hold her at night or txt during the day. During the recent bombings in London (as she works near Liverpool Street) she was txting me how scared she was and left kisses on the msgs - I wondered why she wasnt txting her man. I lasted contacted her yesterday - I won't contact her until her birtday on aug 25th as she wish me happy birthday on mine but in between though there will be NC - i still want to be friends but maybe when she ready cos i'm the only one making the moves.Think her man is filling the emotional void for now.....

[saltwatergirl]

Ok let me get this straight. you tested her loyalty to you by breaking up with her, cutting her off from sex, giving reasons why it wouldn't work.......all head games you constructed in an effort to "test" the loyalty of a girl you now admit was "perfect for you". Hmmm.

 

I can see why she would develop insecurities with you. Unfortunately, you played one too many games, and she ended up with a check-mate.

 

Salt