shorty20 Posted July 19, 2005 Share Posted July 19, 2005 I couldn't really figure out where to put this, but I am in a very very stressfull situation, and it's really complicated, and I need some input on where I need to go from here. I'm 20 years old. I still live at home with my parents because I'm still in the whole process of going to school. So, my parents went out of town this weekend, and I had a little party at my house on friday, only maybe 10 people at the most. We had a couple shots, and a couple mike's, but nothing major. Then I went to visit a friend, and we drank there as well. Now, just to set things streight, I'm not an alcoholic by any means. On an average month, I'll only go out drinking 2 maybe 3 times... so it's not like I'm a heavy partier or anything, I just took advantage of a great weekend, and had fun... so I realize that it wasn't the most responsible thing to do, but I didn't drive, I was always with people I trusted... so i get back in town on sunday, and I get online to check my mail, and a friend is online, so I tell her about the weekend... tell her how much fun I had, and I tell her about all the partyingi did, etc... now, my parents were out of town... i told them I was going to a different town that was only 45 min. away, because I knew if they knew I was driving 2.5 hours away they wouldn't want me to go, and I didn't want them to worry... so then they get home and I go off to bed.... and apparently forget to close the IM windows, because last night I came home and my parents were both sitting there, with the IMs printed off, and made me sit there while they read them all back to me... and now they think I'm some sort of alcoholic... they are making me go to councling, and told me I couldn't go out anywhere for two weeks... now if i was 16 this would be understandable, but I'm 20, almost 21. I said if that was how it was then I would pack my stuff right then, and they said fine but u can't take ur car because it's in my dad's name, even though I've been making payments on it... so I was forced to stay... here's the thing. I know I messed up big time, and shouldn't have lied to them, etc... but aside from the lying i don't see what I did was that bad... they are very religious people and are trying to force me to be the same, but I don't want to conform to their ways... don't want to be what they want me to be... I need to get out and away from that house, and I know once I do I'll have a much better relationship with my parents but I can't without my car.... I am just so confused... so.... i don't know.... any suggestions, anything would help me... thanks for anyone who's read this far... Link to comment
Davidsan Posted July 19, 2005 Share Posted July 19, 2005 y u need a car why dont u just take the bus or sumthin? Link to comment
AlwaysNeedHelp Posted July 19, 2005 Share Posted July 19, 2005 i didnt read ur post bec it is so long but u can fix it.. anything could be fixed, just have faith ! ok now i read another part... u dont want to be what they want u to be ? u dont want to be releigous ? trust yourself and trust ur heart.. i dont know ur situation exactly but if u really trust ur judgement and think u r in the right track whatever it is then go on.. (if u believe in god, ask him to help u and show u the right way) Link to comment
lunatic Posted July 19, 2005 Share Posted July 19, 2005 Hey shorty lifes stinks at times. As long as you live in their house you are pretty much stuck doin what they want. If I were you I would sit down and talk to them about how you feel. I would say pretty much what you posted here about having a few friends over and a few drinks. What you have to remember is that your living under their roof and you have to abide by their rules. Just do yourself a favor and finish up your education because once you finish you'll be in a better position to leave their house and live on your own. Link to comment
shorty20 Posted July 19, 2005 Author Share Posted July 19, 2005 thats going to take over two years to finish everything with school... i can't wait that long... I have to get out now... just beacause I move out dosen't mean I can't keep going to school... thats what the plan was anywayz... work full time and take night classes, but now I can't because I can't take my car... and no the bus transportation here is not exactly the best and dosen't drop off at places I need to be... I do NEED a car... and I told them that I wasn't like drunk to the point where I couldn't remember things and all that, and I also told them I didn't drink all the time... they don't believe me... they're making me go to a therapist, like I'm some problem child when I'm just being a normal 20 year old.... I just don't know how to make them understand, or believe me... Link to comment
DN Posted July 19, 2005 Share Posted July 19, 2005 Tell them that they are overreacting, that you are twenty years old, legally an adult and that they had no business prying into your personal stuff (even if you did leave it open, it is no different than reading mail that has been left out). They also have no business ordering your life any more, whatever their motivations. Tell them if they wish to permanently alienate you then this is the way to go about it. You can also inform them that you have the proof that you made payments on the car and will take them to court to be reimbursed or gain possession of the car. Then tell them that you love them and understand their concerns but refuse to allow them to treat you as a child. Link to comment
shorty20 Posted July 19, 2005 Author Share Posted July 19, 2005 i told them that they needed to stop treating me like a child, and they said they would when I start acting like a grown up... i understand why they are upset... it was their house, I lied to them, betrayed their trust... but come on, I have one weekend where I drink and suddenly I'm a binge drinker and need to go to AA or somethign?? It's ridiculous, and I told me dad he was driving me away and making me grow to hate him, and he's just like "no, it's you who makes your decisions, and you who messes up all the time... " then he went into this whole thing telling me that I was a disappointment.... the last disappointment, because he siad ur oldest sister's the one that ran away all the time, your middle sister is the one that got pregnant twice, and you're the alcoholic... whatever... i just need to get out, need to have my freedom... i may not be the smartest person out there but i know how to drink/have fun responsibly... they try to fource their beliefs on me... try to make me into what they want me to be, but I think they should just accept me for who i am... Link to comment
TheSmilingTurnip Posted July 19, 2005 Share Posted July 19, 2005 From the stuff you're saying about your family, you might be well off going to counselling because if all that stuff is going on in your family, then there are undercurrents there. AND going to counselling will at the very least help you learn to communicate with your mom and dad and let them know that they have a responsible daughter in you. Counselling is not a bad thing; it's a good way to learn more about yourself. If you make a good impression on the counsellor, she/he might just tell your parents there's nothing wrong and they ought to put a little more give in the leash. Bottom line: let them pay for counselling and use it to your advantage. I wish my mom and dad had cared about me as much as your parents care about you. As for the drinking and stuff..you should expect to pay some kind of price for breaking the rules. You lied to your mom and dad and you did do something irresponsible: you broke the law...you could have gotten an MIP or something and that goes on your record, which employers will see. Your parents are trying to protect you. However, I don't think your dad should've thrown the mistakes of your siblings in your face...that's his own thing to deal with..you are not your siblings. But you do need to learn to follow the rules, because you live in their house. Before you glorify living on your own, let me tell you, it's not that great when you're just entering the work force. Don't move out and work full time and go to school full time...trust me, that is going to suck. Link to comment
TheSmilingTurnip Posted July 19, 2005 Share Posted July 19, 2005 Tell them that they are overreacting, that you are twenty years old, legally an adult and that they had no business prying into your personal stuff (even if you did leave it open, it is no different than reading mail that has been left out). They also have no business ordering your life any more, whatever their motivations. Tell them if they wish to permanently alienate you then this is the way to go about it. You can also inform them that you have the proof that you made payments on the car and will take them to court to be reimbursed or gain possession of the car. Then tell them that you love them and understand their concerns but refuse to allow them to treat you as a child. I disagree, to an extent. Twenty years old is still a child in many ways, especially while you're still living at home. Act responsibly if you want to be treated that way. Mom and Dad may be overreacting a bit, but you broke the law and lied too...how would one expect their parents to react to that? Link to comment
shorty20 Posted July 20, 2005 Author Share Posted July 20, 2005 20 years old is a legal adult... I could be out on my own, and not be dependant on them if they would just let me take their car. Yes, I broke the law to an extent, but the fact is I did it in the privacy of my own home... cops can't do anything about that... If we would have been partying outside then yes, we could have gotten MIPs but seeing as we were all inside my house, and we were drinking but we wern't being loud or anything,and to my knowledge even if the cops did show up they can't come in without a warrent which it takes about 24 hours to get... the party would be over by then... so I'm not worried about that. Cops are the main reason that I DON"T go to keggers and big parties, because they always get busted... dosent that mean that I have some common sense? Oh and by the way, my parents don't mean family councling... they think I'm screwed up... that I'm the one that needs it... and I said before in the beginning that I realize what I did was wrong... but only because I lied to them, and I've learned from that and will be completley honest with them... I guess I was trying to maintain that good girl "image"... I was trying to be who my parents wanted me to be, but at the same time was trying to be who I wanted to be... I don't need you guys to sit there and say ... it's illegal.... it's their house... I know all of this... I know that i need to go by their rules or whatever, so I've found my solution. They've been wanting me to go back to school. I took a semester off because I'd gotten all my basic classes done and didn't know where I wanted to go from there. I know now what I want to do, and I am going to try and go away to school... it's about two hours away... which will be enough distance for me to gain some independance and live on my own, but also will be close enough to be able to see my family on the weekend... they'll be happy because I"ll finally be finishing school... also I'm happy because the school I was looking at here has a program that isn't as in depth as the one that i"m thinking about, and it was going to be $18000 for two years of schooling... the school I want to go to is a better school, and it's only under $9000 for the two years which leaves me money for housing, and food, etc.... anywayz, I hope this all works out for the best... I know my parents love me, and I know thats moe than alot of people can say... I guess I should just respect them for who they are... i hope that someday they can accept me for who I am.... Link to comment
shorty20 Posted July 20, 2005 Author Share Posted July 20, 2005 but thanx for all your guys' help... i know what i did was wrong, I was just so hurt by the things that by dad said. They hold me on the pedastal up above my sisters, expecting me to be the perfect one.... I can't live up to that... I can't be that for them.... and hopefully councling will help... i'm willing to go if it will make them feel better... Link to comment
TheSmilingTurnip Posted July 20, 2005 Share Posted July 20, 2005 but thanx for all your guys' help... i know what i did was wrong, I was just so hurt by the things that by dad said. They hold me on the pedastal up above my sisters, expecting me to be the perfect one.... I can't live up to that... I can't be that for them.... and hopefully councling will help... i'm willing to go if it will make them feel better... I do know exactly what you mean about being held up on a pedestal by your parents. Your dad shouldn't have connected you with your sisters...his disappointments in his parenting should remain HIS disappointments, whether they're justified or not. Anyway, sounds like going to school away from home will be good. If the cops had probable cause somehow, and you never know how that can happen, they could indeed come into your house without a warrant and arrest you. It sounds like you are getting some perspective about where your parents are coming from and all, so that is good. Well Shorty, good luck with school and all. I know you will do great! Link to comment
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