How do I get off the rollercoaster?

[Luv2Shop]

A man instant messaged me and I had no idea who he was. I told him that I don't chat with strangers. He kind of explained that he just wanted to talk and meet people and that he wasn't a perv or anything. He seemed sincere so I chatted with him.

 

I didn't expect to hear from him again but a week later I got another instant message. We continued chatting casually a couple times a week.

 

Nothing sexual -- just pure friendship. We then started talking on the phone. When school let out for summer vacation, because he was a teahcher, he had a lot of time on his hand and suggested that we meet for coffee. I agreed. I'm 42 and he's 43.

 

We met at a Starbucks and had a very nice time talking.

 

Now all through this he is very much aware that I am married and have no children. I am also very much aware that he is married with two teenagers at home.

 

When my husband and I got back from a 2-week vacation, this guy starts to turn up the pressure for something more than a friendship.

 

At first I ignored his advances, just blew them off. Then we be friends again like nothing happened.

 

I don't know why I just didn't cut him off right then and there but he managed to convince me that we could be just friends and that he was sorry for coming on so strong.

 

It went back to the way things were, just us being friends.

 

My husband has always been there for me, no matter what, but he has never been a great communicator. Some days I'm lucky if he says more than 10 words to me.

 

So this guy fills that communication void that I am missing.

 

Problem is the pressure that this teacher is pushing on me for a hug, a kiss, sexual favors is immense. He's gotten so good at manipulating me, knowing that I love his company and our conversations.

 

I know this has to stop but it's like a rollercoaster that I can't get off.

 

I make up my mind to say enough -- don't call, don't email, don't instant message me, but I end up walking away and somehow he has convinced me that we are just friends and we're doing nothing is wrong.

 

How do I stop this passive/agreesive behavior?

 

How do I get rid of him and not let him manipulate me?

 

Any suggestions??????????

[annie24]

Ok - this has to stop, right now! Block yourself off the IM, don't take any more calls, whatever. He writes an e-mail, delete it! Pure and simple. It's that easy.

 

Don't destroy your marriage over this! Be strong.

[bellamcb]

Absolultey agree. This has to stop. You need to tell your husband of your feelings of alienation from him. Focus these energies on your marriage. This pseudo relationship is a mistake.

[ShySoul]

Agreed. Your marriage is what's important here. Whatever issues you have there needs to be your first concern. Talk to your husband about how you feel, find a way to deal with that. The guy is able to manipulate you because he senses the empty feelings you have in your marriage and uses them against you. If you were working on those feelings and improving the marriage, you may have more strength to resist his advances.

 

Also, this guy starts off saying he just wants friendship, then changes and pressures you into more. He knows you don't want to, but doesn't let it go. And he has a wife and kids himself. This guy is trouble. He is not only hurting you and your husband, but his own family as well. Do you want to associate with a guy who would do that? End communication immediately.

[thegirl_00]

This guy is no good. You deserve better then him. Who cares is he can hold a conversation, you can find people all over who can hold a conversation. I completely agree... do whatever you can to stay away from your internet buddy. Good luck.

[MaxPayne19]

Yeah stay away from this guy; he sounds like a whole mountain of trouble. Just because he is missing something in his marriage that he feels he needs to meet someone new, doesn't mean he can interfere and mess with what you have. Tell him to take a hike and stay away or you'll have your husband step in and spill the beans about him to his family.

[annie24]

Don't lose your marriage over this! As for communication, you can work on it with your husband. Go to a marriage counselor.

 

Or, try reading the sunday newspaper together, and share thoughts about certain articles. You don't have to get all 'verbally intimate.' If you're craving conversation, start slow. Or, find a chatty female friend that you can go to starbucks with and go shopping with. but whatever you do, STAY CLEAR OF THIS MAN!