I have 2 problems Please help!!!

[islandgirl808]

Okay Here's the first one. My ex and I dated for about 2 years.. Things were great in the start. Then he started becoming controlling, he would get mad if I talked about any guys, went anywhere, wasnt home when he called, hang out with my friends or even talked about them.. He wanted to be the only thing in my life. He thought I cheated on him everyday he always accused me of having another boyfriend and all this.. Well I moved but now im back and he has been txting my phone alot these past weeks tryin to get me to talk to him (he dont know im back but i think he has an idea i am) Alot of things came out when I was gone though. This one night that we spent together really gets to me. See I came to his apartment at 10 he left at 11 to go to the store (he says) he didnt come back for about 3 hours even though the store is right next door and closed already... When he came in I pretended to be asleep and someone called him and he said "oh you just called to say goodnight" thats all i remember but it pissed me off and he said it was his sis on the phone RIGHT!!! Well a few months after i left he told me the truth (or atleast I think) he told me that night he was invited to a party and I wasnt invited so he went!! A@#H$@# whatever!!!!!!!! Anywaze I know this is crazy but I miss him in a way but yet I dont want to see him or be with him again. What should I do? He says he has changed and if he has I might date him again I DUNNO very confused because I do but I dont!

2nd Problem

My neice is 15 yrs old her boyfriend is 17 they have been dating for about 1 or 2 months! Today she came to my house and told me that yesterday he called her to tell her that he got another girl pregant 2 months ago because he was drunk and slept with her. He told my neice he was a virgin. I just think its wrong that he lied to her about something like that and that he's 17 and got someone pregant and DRINKS!!!!!! I told her not to talk to him anymore (even though it upsets me cuz he is a nice guy and maybe he has changed since the drunken sex thing) But Im scared he'll force her into something like that. She dont act like him liein and drinkin and getting someone pregant is a big deal she acts more upset that now he isnt talking to her because he is apparnetly scared she is going to break up with her. So what do I say to her?

[Shadows Light]

#1Problem: Dump him. Don't go back. Don't acknowledge him. If you see or hear from him be calm, cool and collected. A controlling boyfriend turns into a more controlling man as time passes. (from experience). -He's a jealous jealous BF. The fact that he doesn't like you mentioning another mans name, places you go, people you talk to etc... will only get worse. CHANGE in behavior while possible takes a long long time to manifest itself.

 

#2Problem: ahhhhh youth. Sometimes its better to let someone taste life than try to explain it to them. Especialy if they are heck bent on heading in that direction and not taking well meant advice. Your cousin is only 15. wwwhhheww! tough call. I agree, a boy who lies, drinks to excess and gets a girl pregnant is starting down the road of irresponsibility. If he was irresponsible with this other girl whats he going to do with your cousin? What responsibility has he taken for the girl who is with child? Disrespect. Your cousin should tell him to grow up and take care of his business.... he's got a child on the way. "Get a job and hit the road Jack"

[OceanEyes]

The only thing I can say here, is that I think it's really sweet that you want to believe that people can really change that quickly. In the second problem, there is a far greater chance that this younger guy will actually grow up to be a different person, but not in the first case.

 

In your own case, I think that you should be aware of 'wishful thinking'. Liars and cheats rarely change distructive and negative patterns of behaviour. There is a "good behaviour" period though, which does lead you to believe that the person has changed. Don't go down that road again, try to learn from the experience. Giving a guy who has proven to you that he is a controlling liar another chance is like saying, "hey, I don't mind, let's do it all over again!". In truth, there are probably reasons behind why he treats people the way he does. Don't make it your problem or he's going to drag you right down with him.

[DI93]

problem #1 dump him. Don't call , im or text him. cut your loses and run. He will never change and evnetually you will feel to invested to leave.

Problem #2: she should dump him. She is 15 and will find another guy. maybe e u should talk to her about condoms, and take her to the doctor for birth controll so she doesn't end up like his guy baby mama. Also if she choses to stay with him at least she is protecting herseld from dieases, in case he sleeps with another female, while drunk.

[saltwatergirl]

Liars dont stop lying. Cheaters don't stop cheating.

 

Do yourself a favor and cut him loose. You'll be glad you did.

 

Salt