please anyone out there can you help me out!

[kimberlyb88]

alright please anyone that has any advice on this topic please let me know what you think is the right way to go. Heres the story, I have been dating my boyfriend for about 4 months now. Everything was going okay but it seems as if he is obsessed with me. I thought it was cute at first but he wants me to spend every moment of my life calling him or going to visit him. I have 2 jobs that I have, i barely talk to my friends and when i do he gets upset if i want to hang out with a particular person that he doesnt like. I mean he doesnt smoke or drink and thats great i think it really is. But if i want to do something once in awhile then why not. Right? I work my butt off working about 10 hours a day. He dropped out of college and depends on me to tell him where to go and how to get there. Im stressed out because i have to deal with all of his issues plus the fact that since i only have a few months to go till i graduate from high school. I need to find whicch college to go, get accepted, work full time have time for my homework and still have the time to make sure he gets everything he wants. And im just getting so sick of it now that everytime he says stuff like that or is always saying that he wants us to work but he doesnt think im ready for the commitment. He just compares me with his last g/f and that scares me. I am in love i do admit that but he questions it. Like he thinks i do love him the way he loves me. I mean i dont know what else to do. Every spare minute i have i try to spend with him. And i have been for awhile now. but when i say my dad wont let me do anything for a couple days he gets all emotional worked up. I just dont know how to handle this situation. I have tried just about everything i could think of. I mean i stopped talking to almost of my friends for him gave him everything that i could give. We do love eAch other but it seems like he is alwaYs so emotonal. As i want to find out where and how to figure out my carreer choice he will nag at me so that he can try and do it for me. I think that he cares too much and wants to do everything but depends on me. he needs to help himself and i will be there for him but he doesnt think he needs the help. yet if he doesnt need the help why does he depend on me so much. like he said before he would be nothing if we ever broke up and he would be miserable and not want to date ever again. i mean im 17 and hes 19. DOes this sound like any sense. if anyone has anyyhing to say please imput and let me know. Anything woudld help at this point. Im just so lost and frustrated. Thanks!!

[scoobster]

ok first off relax babe. The most important thing in your life right now is you. Your months away from college and change will occur in your life like it or not. You say that he loves you and you love him, which i believe because most women would run from a guy that became that clingy. If he truly loves you though he would have no other choice but too understand that you still need your own space,..esp during such an important time in your life. Talk to him but dont hurt him. Try and get him to understand that a relationship is driven by independence rather than complete dependence. In order for you to have a lasting and healthy relationship both people have to bring something to it.

[DragonGirl724]

have you been just willingly accepting of his behavior these past 4 months? or has there been continuous fights about how he is suffocating you? is he aware of how his obsession urks you?

 

i strongly suggest that you sternly tell him how his clinginess is extremely unattractive, and how you dont like playing 'parent' by guiding him day by day! he is your BOYFRIEND not your kid! he is becoming wayyyy too depependant on you and you have to let him know that you wont tolerate it. put your foot down NOW & tell him that you are going to have your own life and you suggest he does the same. you are young & your youth passes with each day, seize it now while you can. 'be young have fun'. nows the time to do it. he is not your child, he is not your dependant, in a relationship a couple must be equal. complimentary to eachother, not supplementary...you have a life, he doesnt, so he sucks all that is your life out of you so you are 'on his level'. he does this subconsciously, but his emotions which make him do such things, he is very well aware of. he gets moody, jealous & discustingly upset when you want to do other things. SET HIM STRAIGHT OR KICK HIM TO THE CURB! he will drag you down with him. this wont end unless you put a stop to it, it will only spiral downwards from here if you dont put him in his place. he IS obsessed with you and he makes you feel guilty about hangin out w/ your friends so you feel bad for him & 'choose' to hang out with him instead. his world revolves around you and you do NOT want that. even YOU know it. this boy will crash BIGTIME if/when you 2 breakup. if you dont begin to steer him in a more reasonable mindset NOW this will be disasterous.

 

and then you can expect an overly depressed, even more obsessive EX-BF.

 

speak up & if he doesn't listen or if he lays on the tears & guilt trips cut him off that very minute. he needs to understand that the more he pulls you towards him, the more distant you will become. and unfortunately, if you dont nip this in the bud NOW, the only alternative will be to cut him off entirely...drastic times call for drastic measures.

 

GOODLUCK!

 

-DG724

[DragonGirl724]

this guy fears being alone. maybe he had issues as a child of abandonment or something. never the less, sorry to be so blunt, but there are major issues going on here. obsession at times can even lead to violence.

 

it sounds like you have your life in order, you can be happy with or without him, he unfortuantly will crumble to pieces with just the thought of losing you. you can not be the source of his happiness. and we all know that TRUE happiness comes straight from the source-oneself. he will fall apart with the thought of not having such a level headed, intelligent GF like yourself. it sounds like he doesn't really like who he is & fears having to face 'himself' on his own one day. the concept of being single scares him to death. you are everything he is not. that is why i said in a relationship we need someone who compliments our traits, not PROVIDES us with them (complimentary vs. supplimentary). you are his stability, you are his social life, you are his support system, you are his ONLY FRIEND, you are his happiness, you are his sole confidant you are his EVERYTHING he needs to survive. thats too damn much if you ask me. he needs to find his own friends & his own life! if he doesn't get out before it gets EVEN UGLIER...

 

-DG724

[DragonGirl724]

....mmmm okay....???

 

-DG724