NC vs Closure

[BakerAvenue]

We were only together for 14 weeks, but I fell deeply in love. Even though her kids aren't young (range from 15 to 22), I became close to them and was over their house all the time.

 

Then an old boyfriend of hers shows up, and I'm out. It's been 11 weeks, since she ended it, and I'm still so depressed over losing her. I think about her every waking moment.

 

I followed NC because that's what's advised. But I have so many questions, so many confusing thoughts that keep me up at night. Yet there's no guarantee that I'll like the answers to my questions. Should I ask to see her to get closure perhaps? Or stick it out with NC?

[brando]

Stick to NC. I dont believe she will be able to give you the answers you are expecting. If you are torturing yourself now with all these questions, and why's?? Her reasons will not give you any more comfort.

 

 

Just let it go. It is what it is.

[shes2smart]

Closure isn't something someone else can give you. It is something you give to yourself.

 

Would it really make any difference what her reasons were? Finding out why doesn't change anything. If her answers to your questions don't make sense to you, they won't be enough and will just spawn more questions for you. Whatever answers she has probably will not be enough. More often than not, people do things for reasons that seem illogical, irrational and sometimes downright silly to anyone but themselves...particularly when strong emotions are involved.

 

Generally, when you have nagging questions you want to ask an ex, it's just an excuse to see/speak to them for whatever reason. We all have a great capacity and talent to rationalize it all out and make it sound logical and sane, but in the end nothing changes (she still left for her ex) and we usually wind up feeling worse.

 

What is, is what is...and it is what you have to deal with. Why it is...is really irrelevant more often than we care to admit.

[heloladies21]

Friend, after her leaving you for her ex bf and 11 weeks of NC from her end you already have your answer. She never really cared about you so it's time to let go. Keep yourself occupied, dress well, and talk to other girls.

[fate or freewill]

Finding closure can be a tricky task especially if the other party isn't speaking to you anymore!

 

I found it very helpful to write down the questions I had for my ex and after much though I came up with the most likely answer (remember Occam's razor - the simplest answer is the best), this method has helped at least for me answer my questions of why?

 

P.S. After 11 weeks of NC on a 14 week relationship, you should be getting lots of numbers and dating other people by now.