K so what the heck is wrong with me?

[confusedgrl23]

after my breakup with my ex, I just cant seem to find myself anyone to date...what is going on???

 

I am a bartender and even though I get lots of guys hitting on me, none of them are type and they are all wasted (who wants to go out w/someone who was wasted when they asked you out?)

 

 

What is wrong? not to sound conceited but I am an attractive girl, Im nice, Im always smiling and I think Im approachable.

I met this guy couple weeks or so that I finally liked, but guess what, I guess he didnt feel same about me....

and the guys that I DO meet do not want a relationship-so I guess tough luck for me huh?

 

Is there certain places to look for dates? am I looking in the wrong places?

what is going on?? I've never been single for this long and I dont enjoy it.

 

and by the way, I tried dating sites as well, but noone strikes me as even remotely interesting....

[Blurr]

Well I can certianly relate as to the being single part and the difficulty in finding someone.

 

I too have tried the singles websites and found them to be nothing more than a glorified meat market. Great if you want a one night stand, but if you're looking for something with a little more substance, it's best to look elsewhere.

 

As for where to find and meet people...I can't really say. you mentioned you work as a bartender, but I can see your reluctance in dating anyone who frequents the place (that would just be too awkward).

 

Why not go out with friends one night and just cruise different bars/pubs for some guys. I know you generally won't meet upstanding guys in those places, but you'd be surprised. And for a woman to walk over and start chatting a guy up...a very attractive quality...so if you see someone who is 'cute'...GO FOR IT!

 

EDIT: Oh yes, and I almost forgot...there is NOTHING wrong with you. You aren't being picky or snobish or anything like that. I also have problems finding someone compatible...it just takes time to find that right person. And then it takes even MORE time to see if they truly are the right person.

[Derek]

Don't get a guy just to get a guy yo!

 

As a bartender, you should know all about relationship problems.

Usually they stem from bad initial assumptions and dishonesty from the start. Going into a relationship with the attitude of "I don't like being single for too long" is kinda a bad start no?

 

I think getting to the outside of your normal circle of friends and aquaintances would be good. (As in talk to the sober friends =)

 

And go to events and stuff that are a little outside the norm. Maybe go to a latin caliente club and learn some dance moves or something. Maybe go to some classes to learn something new and meet people there. Maybe go learn to kayak or some outdoorsy stuff and meet an outdoorsy guy. I think making a life for yourself will make you feel better about yourself and meet a guy on the side at the same time.

 

 

[confusedgrl23]

I have no friends that want to do any outdorsy activities like I do they all suck and just like bars. Maybe Im just doomed to be single forever.

[Blurr]

Never! None of us are doomed to be single forever...and if anyone is, it's certianly more me than you

 

Do like Derek said and go outside your normal circle of friends. While a little overwhelming at first...if you've got a good personality (and working in a bar, I'd assume you're good at interacting with people) you shouldn't have any trouble meeting new folks and making new friends.

 

That doesn't mean you have to ditch your old friends, but just find some fun activities to do if your tired of the same ol stuff. Go to your local YMCA or community centre and see what activities they have going on in the summer...there is usually something interesting to do there and pleanty of opportunities to meet new people!

[plantim]

The scene your are in is not condusive to healthy dating. Very few people who meet in bars last longer than a month. You can't look for it. That is impossible. Do the things you like alone. You will be amazed how much better you feel about yourself because you don't need a man to be happy. But sometimes when you are alone, love comes knocking. Nothing is wrong with you. Find out what you want to do and make yourself happy first. He will come to you. I know. Married twice for wrong reasons. Now divorced twice and making me happy. It is working too. One day at work a saleswoman walked in to talk about advertising and she blew me away. We began our courtship. Slow and steady. She just walked in the room one day and I happened to be at the door. BAM!!! Love seeks those that are not seeking love.

[confusedgrl23]

what are some of the things that you can do alone, preferrably outside that will not make you look like an outcast? To meet people that is..

[misery12]

Go for a bike ride, or a jog, walk..

 

Ask some of your girl friends if they want to go for a hike in the woods or on a near by mountain if there is one.

 

I think what you need to do is, be happy with yourself first.. and then love will follow. Like the song by The Used - Blue and Yellow says..

"you'll never find it, if you're looking for it".

 

Just do your own thing, be glad that you have your health and your own sense of independence, and before you know it, the tables will turn and you'll be with someone.. believe me.

 

How old are you by the way?

[Caldus]

confusedgrl23 I am in a very similar situation. I have no friends or anyone to hang out with either so I know how it is. I also hate the bar and club scene myself. I mean unless you're just looking for a one night stand and not something more, then bars and clubs could work. But seriously, to find friends these days is pretty hard. Only way to find them is to get out more and even maybe meet people yourself. I know it's ackward. Believe me I know. But you have to start somewhere right?

[confusedgrl23]

thanks guys!

 

misery Im almost 24.

[loveydovey]

Well, I know what you mean....My friends like to go out to parties and clubs to 'have fun' but I have become soooo disinterested with that over the past couple of weeks. Like you said, it's the same scenarios every time when you go out.

 

I think that a good place to go would be a bookstore if you like to read.

Also, try to become a volunteer with different groups/ organizations in the area.

If you're in school, maybe you can get together study groups.

 

...trying to think of places that my friends met their companions.

[bobster]

Hey confusedgrl23! Why not join a drama group if there is one near you? It is a great way of meeting people even if your not into acting, just being involved in some way can lead to making friendships and who knows......

[sean connery]

Sometimes what you are looking for can be right in front of you. Do you have any guys who you are very good friends with?

[misery12]

Hey sean, im a big fan.

[Caldus]

Hey sean, im a big fan.

 

He was the best James Bond actor in my opinion. Roger Moore is a very close second though.

[confusedgrl23]

sean I have lots of guy friends that some have crushes on me, but they are JUST friends, Im not interested in them "that way".

 

I like the bookstore or the drama club idea!

[Derek]

I bet if you work at a bar, your hours are late.

You are probably missing all those guys that are out in the mornings. (you know all 3 or 4 of them? =)

 

I've heard that night owls are often attracted to early birds and vice versa.

 

Maybe find a way to meet the guys that are on a different schedule from you. Perhaps a gym in the morning or noon time? A yoga class? Rollerblading? A biking or hiking or camping social group? co-ed casual Softball? volleyball? Usually those kinda team sports are always looking for girls that show up.