Girlfriend flirting with my friend...

[Solstice]

I believe that my girlfriend is flirting with my friend. I have been with her for 5 months. She is my first girlfriend and I am her 3rd boyfriend.

 

Anyways, over the past while, I have noticed that she playfully slaps his arms, shoulders, back and even pokes him in the stomach for fun. She has even tried to pull out a few hairs on his leg. She seems to like to stand close to him and has even mentioned that he was cute to me (when she first met him) She doesn't do this to any other of my friends and is being more physical that I would like to see.

 

Just the other day, they were watching a movie and when I arrived, he showed me his arm. They were watching a sad movie and she was apparently squeezing his arm and left fingernail marks.

 

She says that she loves me, and I believe her, but maybe she subconsciously likes my friend? I don't think she is doing any of this in front of me on purpose. Am I too naive? I have a strong feeling that she is keeping a few thing from me a well... but everyone has their secrets.

 

I am not sure what I should do, but I do know that this bothers me and has left me depressed and saddened. Today she asked if anything was wrong, but I didn't tell her.

 

Please lend me your advice.

 

Thank you.

[Spirits Away]

I don't know what her intention is, understanding it may lead you to security, but i suggest you find another girl to distract yourself with. Don't hang out with her as much as you're doing right now, and even indirectly compliment your friend in front of her. Do not do the opposite.

[eddie500]

That totally sucks when a girl does that. She obviously is attracted to your friend.

I would have to think that it is normal for a girl to flirt with other guys, and most will eventually do it. Eventually you will do it to also.

 

The question you have to ask your self is, is she disrespecting you?

I would say if she is touching the guy in front of you then that is a huge disrespect.

 

If it bothers you a lot and she does it with other guys and you can't deal with it, start looking for another girl.

[Reilly2856]

Talk to her about it....tell her this bothers you, and ask her why she does it and if she will stop. If this doesn't work, then perhaps this isn't really a girl you want a relationship with.

[Jazz]

there could be many reasons for her behaviour, she could be testing u, to see how much u can take, or she could just be a very flurtatious person, she could view ur best friend as a brother or something, if u have any other suspicions talk to her or ur friend, and say that ur just not comfortable with it, u hav to tell her or else she is gonna feel like she can get away with it and that ur easy to fool this is if there is something more. commuication and trust are one of the most important aspects of relationships, u wanna save it, make it happen, show ur concern

gud luk xx

[Shadows Light]

OK...This from the biggest flirt there ever was. CHILL. It could be nothing.

I flirt on a conscience level..and most of the time its unconscience.. I don't even know I am doing it. WHY??? I've always been one of the guys... I've had more guy friends that I do female friends.

 

You can be attracted to allot of people... for whatever reason. Maybe she just has a good rapport with him .. hey look he's your best friend too so it could be a BUDDY thing.

 

How to handle this. Maybe talk to her about the feelings you are having. Maybe stress that you are NOT- the JEALOUS type..(this turns women off) BUT... recently the seeds have been planted and now you have a green eyed monster growing inside you and it bugs you because... you have feelings for her...and you like your best friend. Get it out on the table, and go from there.

[loveydovey]

I agree with putting it on the table. Just make your feelings clear and see what happens.

 

And, I'm sorry, but why again did you say they were watching a movie together without you??

 

Maybe I'm wrong or old-fashioned or simply a stick in the mud. Others might not agree, but thats just a bit too close for comfort for my taste.

[Brittany16]

If this has been bothering you and its been happening for long enough i sugjest you talk to her about it. I'm quite a flirt too, my boyfriend always has to set me straight. Good luck bud.

[flowereyes]

advice from a girl, its sucks I agree that she is flirting like that. But she might not have any interest in him at all. She just might be looking for attention overall, and because your hurt by they way she is acting Im sure your backing away, maybe not enough for her or you to notice, but when something bothers a person they tend to put up a wall. In my opinion that is the last thing you should do if you really care for her. Just talk to her, again this is what I think. Just ask her if you are what she wants, dont start an argument about it or accuse her of anything... but simply ask her if she is completely happy with you.

 

good luck

[Briella]

Maybe she just wants to see what your reaction will be to see if you really like her or are willing to give in to her. Stand your ground. Ask her. She probably doesn't realise that it actually hurts you.

[Cecelius]

Tell her its bs and its something only an attention whore does. If she wants to date him, fine, but you're going to look for classier women.

 

Just shut it down -- real men don't take tests.

[PlayBrat]

I agree with Eddie on this.....

I am a flirtatious woman...BUT I know where my boundaries are. It is DEFINETLY a sign of attraction when a woman finds a reason to playfully hit a guy. ..whether she is conscience of it or not. The guy friend isn't helping matters either..he needs to be more respectful of his friend as well. He could be giving signals to her that invite this behavior as well.

I wouldn't be a tyrant about it..but I would let it be known that it bothers me.

Do it now...before it festers....

Good luck

[Solstice]

Hello. Sorry for resurrecting an old thread but I need some more advice and to vent as I am still hurting.

 

I would like to start off by thanking everyone for their suggestions and replies from way back. I did manage to talk to her and everything had gotten better. She had not realized what she was doing and has made an effort to prevent it from happening again.

 

This may be a long read and I apologise for that. I just need to get this off my chest and hear some advice if possible.

 

It has been approx 1 year and 3 months since that happened, but now something else has come up.. something worse.

 

She is now 20 years old and I am 26. We work in the same department and recently, I had taken a 2 week vacation just to relax at home. This week was my first week back at work.

 

Two days ago on Wednesday, she had called me up near midnight. She was upset and crying so she asked if she could come over and of course I said yes. When she was over, I did not want to pressure her with questions, but she just wanted to be with me. She fell asleep crying and in the morning, she woke up crying. I was trying to think of all the things that could have happened and was getting a worried, but I want her to tell me when she is ready to.

Last night (Thurs), after work, we came over to my place and she started crying again. She said that she loved me and wants to be with me... then she told me what had happened. I think I would have preferred if she told me that she was pregnant...

 

When I was away on vacation, another coworker (one of her friends at work) had come up to the floor and started hanging out more and getting closer with her. I have noticed in the past that she had driven and dropped this person off to his car. She even invited this person to our department party our manager through at her house even though he is not in the same group/department. Anyways, on that day 2 days ago, he was going to be at the library studying and according to her, he had asked her to drop by on her way home. She went to fill up gas and dropped by since 'it was close by'.

 

Instead of dropping by quick, she ended up staying there with him for 2 hours, doing some work of her own. Near the end, they were talking and then he held her hand and confessed that he liked her. I don't remember but she might have told him that she liked him too.. He put his hand on her back and went in for a kiss. She claims that she said no, so he kissed her forehead... and then went for the lips anyways. She did not resist.

 

Shortly after, she started crying and said that she had to go. He walked her to her car and said something like "I can't let you leave like this, etc, etc"

She said she would be fine and so he left. She told me that she had cried in the back seat of her car for an hour before she went home and cried some more. A few hours later is when she had called me near midnight. She had initially started to cry because she said that she thought of our emotional talk 1year and 3 months ago where we were both crying.

 

She told me that it was curiosity and that it was an "in the moment" kind of thing. I don't know what to do or to believe because right now, I do not trust her at all. Things were going great. Our lives have been heavily intertwined and I can't believe that she would put it all on the line just like that. So that brings me to the conclusion that she likes the guy or doesn't have some common sense and is naive.

 

I wanted this relationship to work out really bad.. and it was for the longest time. Maybe things were going to smoothly in this relationship...

 

Anyways, she is a nervous wreck right now. She has not eaten since Wed afternoon, has missed some classes, almost missed a midterm, work, etc.

 

She told me that she had gone to the other guys office and told him that they can not date because, although she likes him, she loves me. She told him that they should not talk for "a very very long time".

 

Riiiiight... I don't know what to believe. I can see that she is clearly upset and that she *seems* to regret it, but how can I trust her anymore? It has been only 1 year and 8 months since we started dating but something like this has happened two times now. I am just glad that it is now and not later, or when it is an affair or something. My Christmas present to her was a 10 day trip to Maui for Christmas too. Hotel and flight is booked and non-refundable.

 

I had said some very harsh, but truthful things to her last night. I was shocked and numb. I am still shocked and numb. Since then, every waking moment and sleeping moment, I keep on envisioning them together at the library. I am pissed every time I think of it and I can not make it go away. I don't want to picture that anymore.

 

Please. Any advice would be greatful because I don't want this to end, although I may be setting myself up for something much worse if I let this keep on going.

 

I do respect her courage for telling me and how bad it made her feel afterwards. She could have kept it to herself and I would have been an oblivious idiot going "La, la, la"., but I am sick and tired of going through this BS. I thought she would have learned after the first time.... *sigh*

 

Once again, please lend me your advice.

 

Thanks in advance.