understanding these emotions

[flysurfer]

Ok me and my girlfriend of 4 years broke up yesterday, we had broken up the weekend before but had got back together, the long and short of it is that she is indian and i am not and we cannot stay together.

I have totally decided that this is now the end of our relationship, but i keep having these peaks and troughs, when i am busy i feel almost fine, but when i stop i slump into a person i do not want to be, i feel totally un-balanced and not sure what i should be doing to try and get my life back on track.

I'm wondering if i should spend some time just slumping for a bit and reflect on what has passed or try and avoid thinking about it as much as possible

[MaxPayne19]

Sorry to hear about your breakup with your girlfriend. It seems kinda strange that you cant stay together just that your backgrounds are different, it shouldnt matter if you love each other. But, anyways I think you should just do your best to not think about it and move on. You will never forget about the times with her, but you just have to hold on the good memories and not the bad ones. There isnt any reason that you guys cant just be friends. If you are still able to talk to her and feel comfortable around her, you won't always get upset about the feelings you had for her. Hope this helps..

[heloladies21]

Don't think about it. Keep yourself occupied, do every activity you can find including talking to other girls. Talking to other girls is the most important thing you can do right now to get her off your mind.

[Blurr]

I too am mystified as to why, because you are both of different backgrounds, that you had to break up.

 

Regardless, as the other two folks have mentioned, keeping yourself busy is the best thing to do. I know that when I am hurting emotionally from a woman, I have to keep doing something...otherwise my mind starts to drift back to her and I start to feel depressed.

 

Play a game, go out with friends, read a book (thats always a good one), watch a movie...just do SOMETHING to keep yourself occupied. The pain won't go away, but it will get easier to deal with as time goes by.

[tman]

Sorry dude but I have to agree too that it is a shame you let the difference in backgrounds come between you and your girl. In the society and times we live in today it is such relationships and those strong enough them to endure that are the way forward tobuilding a more tolerant and less separatist society.

 

Unless you can admit that the 2 of you were not in love then i believe this may just be an excuse for your break up. (sorry if i sound harsh)

 

Myself and my ex-girlfriend also come a mix of backgrounds, african, east european and asian. Both of us come from fairly strict families and it was a testemant to our love and faith in each other that we never once let that ever be an issue, knowing that when it came to the crunch we would be there to support and be there for one another.

 

I understand that it can be hard but sometimes you have to face your fears in order to conquer them. Think how many great women you may potentially lose out on having a meaningful, loving and committed relationship with.

 

Dude all I can say is good luck with everything.

[flysurfer]

thanks for the info guys, its kind of hard to know what to make of things when i have never broken up from someone i love before, your advice really helps. My x txt me today and said that she did not want to breakup, she said the last couple of days had shown her how much she wanted us to stay together regardless of her family, thing is this is the second time we have broken up over this issue, we broke up last weekend when her sisters put on the pressure and the same thing happened this weekend. I always made the time to be there when her sisters were giving her a hard time, even had to drive over 100 miles at stupid o'clock in the morning after she had an argument with one of her sisters.

Not sure what to do now, she says that she wants to get back together but she has broken it off twice, and i know i am not going to let myself go through the same pain for a third time, what do you think i should do?

[heloladies21]

if you're still interested in her, you should let her know that things are going to have to go slow this time so you don't get hurt again. it can't be easy for her to get you back, she has to prove that she won't pull this again. she can't just walk back into your life and see you every day, talk to you on the phone every day, and all that. she has to work through her issues before she gets into a relationship with you again. in the meantime, relax, lay back, and have a good time when she is or is not around. reconnect with your friends, pick up a hobby, concentrate on school/work, dress up well, and most importantly still is talking to other girls. don't let it get to the point of banging them unless that's what you really want, but innocent conversation is nothing wrong at this point cause you two aren't an exclusive item until you give the go ahead. till then, feel free to be yourself and do what you want to do.

[flysurfer]

Thanks for the advice 21 will talk to her over the next couple of days and see what happens