What do guys want in a girl they would settle down with???

[Jai]

I'm just curious as to what a guy looks for in a girl that he would potentially wanna settle down with ??????

[jimmy_neutron]

Myself, well lets see.....

 

A sense of humor is a must

 

Intelligence

 

Someone that enjoys a good chat in the evenings without having to compete with the television ](*,)

 

Someone with their own mind and just not someone that agrees with you all the time

 

Some that is affectionate and has emotions

 

Someone that has direction in their life, knows where they have been, where they are, and where they are going

 

Someone that shares the same religious and political view

 

Someone that cares for others as much as they care for themselves

 

Ok that about covers it. . . oh I'm partial to brunettes with brown eyes

[Sophia99]

Myself, well lets see.....

 

A sense of humor is a must

 

Intelligence

 

Someone that enjoys a good chat in the evenings without having to compete with the television ](*,)

 

Someone with their own mind and just not someone that agrees with you all the time

 

Some that is affectionate and has emotions

 

Someone that has direction in their life, knows where they have been, where they are, and where they are going

 

Someone that shares the same religious and political view

 

Someone that cares for others as much as they care for themselves

 

Ok that about covers it. . . oh I'm partial to brunettes with brown eyes

 

Check!

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Check! - oh no! not check! blue eyes. Darn!

[ladyluck]

they like to know you think of them as your super hero funny i know but i've heard it twice this summer

[Jai]

Thanks guys they all sound like good things to look for in someone to settle down with, I myself am blond and have blue eyes I have my own opinions and views, I love learning new things and actually pick up quite quickly on how to do things like fix things or operate things like power tools and technological devices ..... I can change my own oil in my car and am quite proficient in keeping up my cars needs which tends to surprise guys ........... I think its safe to say I have most of the qualities that have been listed but it seems that the relationships I get into always seem to end in odd ways ....... I just cant seem to find a relationship that I can hold on too ...... Now in saying that I'm gonna contradict myself a bit the last relationship I had I fell in love with J my bf head over heels we both talked about being together forever and I was happier with him then I had been with anyone and he seemed to be with me as well ...... however 6 months into our relationship we started to build a house together and half way through the house being built I lost someone in my family to Cancer whom I was very close to and became withdrawn and the closer we got to the house being finished the colder his feet got to making such a big commitment (he had been married before and lost everything) so I understood that aspect of things for him, but it unfortunately ended our relationship 6 months ago I still love him to death and he started seeing someone else three weeks after we had broke up to try to get over us and that is now coming to an end ...... I still love him to death and want him in my life .... we never stopped talking and we both still love each other very much. He always and still to this day tells me he loves me and needs me in his life like he needs air I was just wondering if I was missing something he may be needing from me in the first place ....... SO I thank you guys for your responses and wish that you continue on with them

I love taking care of people, cooking, cleaning and whatever else... I'm a pretty simple person to get a long with and dont ask for much so your feed back is wonderful........ thank you again

Jai

[jimmy_neutron]

Jai,

 

I have read your story in another post, but figured I would just as well respond here to you.

 

Cold feet huh. Well, who knows what brought it on. Dunno how old your fellow is, maybe around your age, mid 20s. . . I know if I was in my mid 20s, to make a big commitment like that would scare the socks right off of me!

 

You also said he was married before and lost a lot of $$$ and that might be a factor. . . well if it moves to be serious, you can always agree to a prenup, everyone leaves with what they came in with and any additional assets are split 50/50.

 

Its a tought situation to be in. You will never get over him if you don't completely move on without him. He seems to be keeping you around for your friendship and to talk to you. If he doesn't want to be more serious than that and you do, then you are just going to have to bite the bullet and tell him that if he can't and won't be a larger part of your life, then you will need to move on and stop communicating with him. I know when I have ended serious relationships (well one was ended by me, the other ended by the other), we always tried to keep lines of communication open, well it just doesn't work for me, I'm reminded of all the good things and have to remember why they ended in the first place. So I eventually let the communication thing drift away. . .

[btbt]

My two cents -- each guy is different, so don't stress about it. Be yourself and you'll find the guy who loves you for that! (would be terrible to attract someone by putting on an act, and then having to go through a long term relationship/marriage having to hold up that act!).

[gersanos]

The qualities that I, and most men that I know, look for in a girlfriend are not the same as the qualities that I look for in a wife.

[Jai]

Ok well what is it that your looking for in a wife..... I guess thats what I'm looking for here thats why I just worded it as what is it that your looking for in a girl you would wanna settle down with cause some women dont wanna be called the wife lol ............. what do you look for in a potential wife then?????

[gersanos]

Hey Jai -

 

I used the word "wife" but I see it as being synonymous with "life partner." I understand that there are many women that would not want to be called "wife."

 

When I meet a girl, and there is mutual attraction, I am not wondering if she would make a great mother. I'll try and break it down into a table here:

 

Girlfriend:

 

1. Looks

-I'm not shallow by listing this, I'm realistic because let's face it, personality means jack if you don't look good/attractive to the opposite sex. The best personality in the world isn't going to land a date with a man/woman unless there is some gut level attraction.

 

2. Getting to know each other

-This is what leads into the wife category, and it either progresses until it reaches that, or it ends, and you look elsewhere.

 

3. Having fun with her

-If you don't have a good time together, then what's the point?

 

4. Not clingy

- Does she have her own life?

 

5. Is the relationship give and take?

 

Wife: Basically does she have integrity, is she a giver or a taker, and is she flexible?

 

1. Would she make a good mother? Would she raise our kids right? (I of course plan on assisting and being the best father that I can). Would she be involved in there lives? Would she be able to work with her spouse and provide a solid and stable home life and enrich the kids' lives until they reach adulthood, and continue to support them until they are established adults?

 

Or is she more into having a career and buying nice things for herself? Is she selfish? Is she more concerned about a promotion or building a family? Is she honest and loyal?

 

2. How are her spending habits? Is she a saver or a spender? If I work hard, and want to enjoy a nice lifestyle, but also save and plan for the future, and have reserves just in case of emergencies is she ok with that? Or is she more focused on getting into the latest fashion? Ad infinitum.

 

3. Will she be there through thick and thin? The most confident man in the world will faulter. It's inevitable. Will she be there to support him when times are tough? Such as if he loses his job, and is unemployed for a considerable period of time, but is actively searching and looking for employment? Is she open to experiencing new things? Is she open minded?

 

***Most people I know, especially men, want to have a family one day. Many women I have met do not want a family one day. We look at that as a short term fling opportunity, but absolutly no long term potential, because we would not compromise our goals/values.

 

I also live and work in Chicago, where careers dominate the lives of younger people. Any woman that is aspiring to have a high profile career is automatically discarded from wife potential. Her interests lie in her career, not her husband or family. That being said, I have no problem with a woman working, and supplying the household with dual income. The problem rests in if she spent 6+ years in post-secondary schooling and wants to reach a lofty title in law, medicine, business, etc.

 

I don't see my kids being raised by some 18 year olds in a day care while we work. If I have to make adjustments with my career, then I would gladly do so, because when you reach a certain age, family would dominate over career. When I am lieing on my deathbed the last thing I want to think about when I look back on my life is "gosh, I wished I did more school, or I wish I worked more to get that title." Unless of course if I found the cure for cancer in the process. But ultimately it will all boil down to the small things.***

 

Me personally, I add my own things, and that is that I want someone that is not an alcohol/substance abuser, independent, educated and smart, not high maintenence, caring, loyal, etc. The list can go on, but I tried to do it in a nut shell.

[Jai]

you sound like you know exactly what you want and i say thats great for you.... I didnt think and I dont want to be rude ........ but honestly I didnt think that guys were so level headed about this stuff Its so nice to see and I have so much hope because of you guys that have responded thank you all of you but especially gersanos you have honestly really opened my eyes to a different light in men

Jai

[gersanos]

I know what I want for the most part. I am young (24), but I have dated plenty of women and have had more life experience than most people my age. I have it pretty well defined what it is I am looking for.

 

I cannot say this about most of my friends or people I know, but, they are heading already in a similar direction. Basicaly we are growing up and looking at what really matters to us. 24 is young, but when you started to get drunk and hook up with girls back in high school parties at the age of 15, and did it consistently throughout high school and college, it gets old and you grow out of it.

 

Keep in mind that people grow and mature at different speeds and levels. I have meet men and women in there 30's that still view life as simply money and partying. I have a few friends that are all about hooking up. And I know 2 guys that don't ever want to have kids. It really boils down to the person, which brings the issue of personality up.

 

Psychologists have personality broken down into 16 different types (extroverted/introverted; intuitive/sensing; etc.). Well, lifestyle, principles, goals, values, traditions, culture, the choice to smoke cigarettes, do drugs, drink booze, etc., all fall under a person's personality but are not encompassed within the 16 types. In effect, there really are hundreds of different types of personalities out there. I don't know if this is always the way it was, or if the postmodern movement brought such change. Thing is, it has made things much more difficult, plus with around every corner you will find someone with more money, someone hotter, someone more dashing, etc. If you don't want to "settle" and you keep chasing after whatever it is that you are searching for, there's a good chance that you'll spend you're whole life chasing and in the end wind up empty-handed. Figure out who you are and what you want.

 

A friend once described a relationship in his terms to me as, "someone you can stand for more than 5 minutes a day." We each have our own criteria, and there is no benchmark, or what really defines a healthy relationship between 2 people. Psychologists have a definition and a list out there, but how many couples do you know that actually fill the bill?

 

I too have dated women that some found me absoutely wonderful, and others could not tolerate me in the end. It all boils down to how we both view things, and MUCH has to do with the fact that we are still young. Many 24 year old's are more concerned with hooking up and getting ahead in there careers. Nothing wrong with that, just stinks for me because I'm way past the hooking up part, and career I can balance with a steady girl. No worries though, my time will come.

 

Lastly, thanks for the compliment Jai.