She wants to 'take it slow', I'm confused...

[Blurr]

Well, I asked this girl out at work last week and we've been 'seeing' eachother for that length of time. We went on a date last Satruday (dinner and then a movie) and have spent time together alone and with friends during the days of the week.

 

It was also her birthday on Wednesday, so we went to the bar with a bunch of work friends. It was a fun time, but I think she was a little drunk since we made out for a bit right in the middle of the bar (while I waited to pick up the bill! lol)

 

Anyways, I really enjoy her company...a lot. The times we have spent together at my house we sit on the couch with her curled up next to me. We had a hot and heavy make out session one night and she seemed to be pretty into it, just by the way she was stroking my back and running her hands through my hair (which I took to be a sign she was enjoying it too).

 

Today I popped a question to her that I instantly regretted: 'So...are we girlfriend/boyfriend?' Now that I think about it it was insanely stupid, it made me sound like a awestruck little teenager again (not a dis to any of the teens on this board) and I wish I had never said it. Regardless I did and she thought about it and said that we aren't just yet. She said that she wanted to take things slow (like she had told me before, and she actually told me this BEFORE we started making out the one night).

 

She is going on a trip next week to this country music festival and she said 'Just let me go on my trip, relax and get things into perspective. I don't want to get involved with someone and have them having feelings for me right away' I agreed, although it tore me up inside when I heard that.

 

That was about 2 hours ago...since then I've just felt like utter crap and I'm so confused. I mean, I think she does like me since we've cuddled and she returns my affections, but she also wants to take it slow. I'm afraid I've messed it up by my stupid question, but I'm also confused about this 'taking it slow' business? What does that mean in male-speak?

 

I'll be honest, I've only had one other 'relationship' to speak of, and it was 4 years ago and only lasted a month. I usually end up having one night stands and I'm just tired of that, I WANT a relationship and this is a girl with which having one is worth. But I need to know what 'taking it slow' means...

 

Do you guys think I messed up with my stuipd question? Can you help me understand what I'm doing here?

 

Please help and let me stop worrying and depressing over this

[smallworld]

Blurr, no need to feel stupid. I think it's sweet you want to know where you stand with this woman. She probably "wants to take it slow" (which means "Let's not define the relationship for now.") for several reasons: #1. You're co-workers and fishing in the office pond can get well fishy. #2. No matter how much fun it's been, it's only been a week.

#3. She might be one of those cautious sorts who don't like to make pronouncements about relationships until she really knows how she feels.

 

I have no idea what her intentions are, but I wouldn't bring up the subject again unless you both decide to have sexual relations and need to know if you're being exclusive with each other. If you can, just enjoy what you both have now. Don't worry about defining "it."

Since you were the one to ask about where this relationship is going, I'd let her be the one to initiate contact when she gets back from her trip. This way you'll restablish the balance of power in the relationship and you'll know without asking if she's interested in pursuing this relationship or not. Good luck!

[crookster_man]

Aye, take is slow is normal. Most people at our age have been through a few relationships (long/short painful and happy) so they are pretty experienced when it comes to the start of a new relationship.

 

She was just letting you know that she is not going to rush into anything yet because that's not the best way to approach a relationship. If you want to give it a chance I would play it at her pace. She seems to be knowledgeable about how to proceed. Let he take charge of your "qualification"

 

I've been with a lot of girls where we don't have the "talk" we just hang out a lot and eventually a relationship forms and then one day your like "I guess your my girlfriend" you'll both know when it's time. No rush.

[DropToZero]

I dont know, I have my own certain 'rules' I'd say....leave the word relationship to the girl, let her bring it up. I just don't think guys should bring up the idea of a more serious relationship, girls are usually the ones that do that and when you brought it up you sort of scared her. Give her-her space, and she'll come back...I just wouldn't bring that up again or ask to talk about it unless she brought it up herself.

[Blurr]

Thank you very much for your advice.

 

I was feeling really down most of the day after the incident. Luckily, shortly after I posted I went over to my best friends house, which happens to be a girl, and her AND her parents (who are my second family) helped me put things into perspective.

 

And it's funny because everything that you guys mentioned was exactly what they said: enjoy yourself and don't worry about what happens next, don't try to 'define' it.

 

I guess I am a little new at this since I've never had a relationship before...I don't know how all this works. I wish I were more experienced so I knew what to expect, but right now I'm all over the place emotionally, but your support and help has....well....helped!

 

Thank you!

[crookster_man]

gota start somewhere, those with experience had none in the beginning.

[MyEyesHurt]

I'm just going to add one little thing, in my personal experience, when a girl goes on a trip (or something) and says she needs to put things in perspective, everything is exactly the same when she returns.