Obsession or Love: Should I try to get back with her?

[harlequin45]

I am having a crisis of a situation. I keep trying to get back with my girfriend and it is not working. A few months ago, we were in an abusive relationship that ended in both of us getting arrested. This made me wake up and realize that there were major changes that needed to go on in my life. I came to the realization that I was addicted to sex and alcohol. So I went to counseling and I went to AA and SAA meetings and worked out some major issues. My exgirlfriend, however, moved on and is now dating some other guy. I am still in love with her, to my understanding of what love is, and now that I have dealt with alot of the resentments, I am here wondering if I am just obsessed with not letting this relationship die like all of my other relationships have or if I am just codependent on her. I can't seem to find peace and serenity in this because on one hand, I want her back in my life. I miss the good times we shared and I want the chance to create new good times, but on the other hand, I know that I should let her get on with her life and if it is meant to be then it will happen. I check my email at least 15 times a day hoping that there will be an email that will state this, "I've given this alot of thought and I still love you and want you back in my life." I am reminded of the James Taylor Song "Fire and Rain". And of the movie High Fidelity, a movie where this guy finds out all this stuff about his life, and his ex and completely acts like a crazy person around her and in the end of the movie. He gets her back. I understand that this is my idea of my need to be with someone to feel complete and whole, but it is hard getting that from my head to my heart. If anyone has any idea on this subject or any wisdom, I would love to hear it. I need to hear something right now. I cry at least 5 times a day because she won't just come back to me. Sorry I've taken up so much of your time. Please help.

[nikhilgore]

...so should you. I wish life was like the movies but as you have experience it is not. I think you just go out and start having fun. I will bet that you will meet someone even more perfect for you. Now that you've made youre life better you should go and reap the benefits of your hard work. Definitely keep the door open in case your ex comes back but that is a none in a million chance.

 

I dont mean to sound like a jerk but I was in your shoes about 6 months ago and while I might entertain the idea of my ex coming back I'm not putting my life on hold for it and (moral of the story) neither should you.

[heloladies21]

Friend, sorry to hear things turned out this way, but this is for the best as you would most likely not have confronted your problems had that incident not happened. You will be a better person in the long run.

 

As for your ex, she's with another man now so situation needs to be dropped. Do No Contact with her, occupy yourself with activities, and talk to other chicks. As for your sex addiction, you might not want to just jump in bed with these chicks, but just talk to a lot of them. Numbers game says you're bound to find someone else who will give you the same or more than what your ex did. Believe that you can find happiness again. I think you can do it, so I believe in you at least.

[Royltnxile]

Ummmm Sex and alcohol are addictions???????????

 

I thought they were necessities to life?

 

Hang in there guy, take Heloladies advice and get out there and start living, meeting new people, and enjoying your newfound confidence and freedom from bad behavior you have worked to achieve.