Mixed Signals, "Not Ready for Commitment"

[FlipAngel84]

I met a guy a little over two months ago from the internet. It was a website designed for younger (mainly highschool/college) people to post pics, meet people, post in forums, etc.

 

We were instantly attracted to each other, and met in person. For the first month, things were going wonderful. He was really sweet and very affectionate and vocal about his feelings for me. Hanging out was always a complete blast. There was no doubt in my mind that he liked me a lot. He seemed like he couldn't get enough of me.

 

The past month, however, things have been different. He doesn't always call back when he says he will....or when he does, it's several hours later. There are a lot of girls that try to flirt with him on that online site, and it makes me jealous/nervous. He flirts with them back, though he says its "just fun and games." He also isn't as verbal about his feelings. However, whenever we hang out....he still is really sweet, affectionate, etc. Also, I seem to be initiating the "hanging out" more....he says that he's more "laid back" and that in his last relationship, the girl always initiated the plans so he had gotten used to that.

 

Because of my concerns, I've had a few talks with him. Basically, he gave me the "I'm not ready for a commitment" thing. When I asked why, he said he didn't know. When I asked why things changed after the first month, he said that he did/does really like me a lot, and that his developing strong feelings for me scared him and overwhelmed him. He said he put up a wall because getting into a serious relationship makes him feel anxious and suffocating. Yet, he reassures me that he likes me and there aren't other women he is pursuing.

 

Is the "I'm not ready for a commitment" speech always bogus and b.s. for the truth of "I just am not that into you to date you on that level"

 

Or...could he be telling the truth...maybe he did/does like me a lot that first month and it scared him so he wanted to back off and take it easy?

 

Is he scared to anchor down on just one girl, or is he scared of love/getting hurt again? I need advice! He sends such mixed signals.

[xixilovergirlxixi]

guys do this to me all the time and it sucks! i have a feeling that he really does like you hes just not ready be with only one person he wants to explore the "field". if you know what i mean. please write back!

 

 

katie

[Jerseygirl]

hey, im in the same exact situation as you. He just got out of a serious relationship with an over protective, over jealous gf whom he dumped, so now as we've been hooking up he constantly made sure i knew that he didnt want anything serious. I agreed, but overtime, we've been involved since this past halloween basically, Ive grown many feelings for him, and now its just too hard for me to casually hook up with him with all my emotions tied down to him. I asked him waht he wants and he said he didn't know, sometimes he doesnt want anything, sometimes he does want it but then will tell himself that he doesnt. Anyways, i told him these ambivalent feelings of his reflect as mixed messages to me which he understood and felt sorry about. I told him "do me a favor and dont send me anymore mixed signals" After that i blocked him....recently i did unblock him but wasn't going to IM him...let him intiate anything if at all....he IMed me once, and i know he misses me. Now im acting like im done with him and have no more feelings for him. I say you do the same. I am really distancing myself living by the phrase "absense makes the heart grow fonder"....i think hes confused and needs time to think about things...if im gone i think that would be beneficial to the situation making him miss me you know? And next time im possibly in the circumstance of him trying to intiate something i'll let him know that im not just a sex buddy, its more of a serious thing......im trying to build up self worth now by staying away, i think you should do the same.....

[OceanEyes]

Something I've had to learn the hard way, is that no matter what version of "I don't want to be in a relationship with you" he offers, it still means exactly that and you should absolutely believe him. Don't try to change his mind or assume that you're that one "special" person who can get him to commit. If you are, he'll let you know, but until then, don't attach yourself emotionally or expect things from a guy who probably isn't going to be sticking around.

 

Some things I've heard in the past:

 

- I just got out of a relationship.

 

- I'm not ready for a commitment.

 

- I can't be with one person right now.

 

- I'm too busy for a girlfriend.

 

These comments all mean the same thing: I don't want a relationship with you, for whatever reason. I've had my heart broken because I chose to ignore one of these comments and assume that if I 'gave him space', or tried to 'persuade him' or the worst - kept up a physical relationship. There are always signs that tell you to *back off*. If he really wants a relationship with you, he'll initiate one, trust me.

[Aprilbabe75]

Believe me I just went through the same thing with someone going for a phd. I am too busy and when I do not call y ou get mad.

 

It is true that men make time for what they want and if he does not well that is a tall tale sign that you are just there when he is lonely.

 

I also made a mistake by being physical hoping he would start making the time.

 

Big mistake. I eneded up feeling hurt and used.

 

Live and Learn I guess. I never felt for someone so much so fast that I am still getting over it.

 

You are not alone.

[AlwaysNeedHelp]

hi

 

i have an opinion here.. dont just say to anyone here asking for help move on... he could like her but he really needs time..

 

some of u from their past experiences found that this line is worthless but not all people and not all situations are like yours.. so u have to list all the proabilities..

 

it depends on u, him and the situation. to be honest u could get hurt if u waited for him and nothing happened. and i agree.. but try to feel whether he want time or he wont think about it ever.. it is difficult bec of the mixed signalss. so u have 2 ways.. either you move on and forget him.. it will be the good choice if u r going to get hurt if u waited for him.. ( but u dont know the future ) or wait for him and in the same time dont hold ur to him.. this choice could lead to 2 ways

 

1) u will get sad, hurt and learn

2) u will be happy, with him and learn too. so u choose.. GOOD LUCK