Emotionally feeling like it's last summer again...

[xmrth]

Last summer me and my boyfriend almost broke up. I don't want to go into details because they do not tie to anything that I post about in here (basically my fault, but not at all related to problems I have that I ask for advice on in here)

Well, since the weather has gotten nice and hot out... it reminds me so much of the despair I felt. How I messed everything up. How he was out with his friends doing God-knows-what. (he never did anything bad, but those were the thoughts through my head last summer)

 

But our relationship is at its STRONGEST now and was getting there after the hard time last summer was over (which makes me feel that it had to happen for a reason because our relationship just keeps getting stronger because our attitudes are different).

We have rediculous ammounts of fun together-- all of that in which before last summer, things weren't always so wonderful. So yes, I do believe it happened for a reason, and the outcome was great now that we've been there.

 

...but I feel like when I'm not talking to him or with him, or when I'm going to sleep at night and my fan is blowing on me... when it's hot out and I'm inside... when I wake up in the morning and the sunlight is shining on me... it takes me back to last summer with all of that dispair and anguish and nervous feeling... even thought that's so far behind us.

 

How can I shake this feeling? I'm thinking that after this summer, that next summer my memories will be replaced by the good ones of this summer. But how can I get rid of this anxiety from these bad memories?

 

I know I wont get a miracle answer (or maybe I will) but I just want to shake this feeling so I can enjoy my 6th summer with him!

[DN]

Think forward and not backwards. Learn from the past mistakes and don't repeat them, but every time you find yourself thinking of the near break-up remind yourself that you did not break-up and how happy you are now.

[xmrth]

I try so hard to think forward or to even just think of the present for what it is, but the weather is just making it feel like I'm back to last summer and it's such a scary feeling.

I feel like if I aggravate him about something even little he'll dump me, even though I shouldn't worry about that at all. I just feel like everything is very fragile between us... even though like I said, we are so strong and happy now.

My mind is just stuck in last summer

[Hope75]

I feel like if I aggravate him about something even little he'll dump me, even though I shouldn't worry about that at all. I just feel like everything is very fragile between us... even though like I said, we are so strong and happy now.

 

 

It doesn't really make sense why you feel this way if your relationship is going strong....

 

Any thing else about the relationship bothering you?

[xmrth]

There's nothing in my relationship that is bothering me except that I'm incredibly insecure. It leads to me overthinking everything and being paranoid over nothing at all. I feel that if I can imagine something, then since it's so vivid it can happen. Even being able to hear him in my head saying "it's over.." I can make myself hear it if I think about it too much.

I think I have psychological problems and was trying to see a therapist.. but I started reading some books that were suggested to me and they are helping me so much that I'm trying to just stick it out until my semester starts so I can see the on-campus therapist. So far I'm just NOT letting my boyfriend know I feel this way so it does no damage, but everything's bothering me especially now that it's summer... it's making me think of bad memories.

[Hope75]

Why don't you trust your bf enough to share this with him?

 

You really need to talk with someone about this. Books are helpful as a supplement, but they do not replace a good therapist.

 

You should be getting help to learn to deal with this. And if you are feeling this way, there is obviously something about your bf and relationship that you don't trust.

 

You need to share this with him. By shutting him out, you deny him the chance to reassure you and support you through this.

[xmrth]

I have told him about it, but what I mean is that I don't pester him about it.

I do fully trust him. Not too long ago I thought that if guys cheated, then HE could (such as reading on this forum of other people's S.O.s cheating)... and then through reading books on overthinking and also this forum, I finally realized that he is so trustworthy and that I have nothing to worry about because I finally started thinking about US and not other couples. It doesn't mean nothing bad could happen, but I know I can trust him as I've been with him for so many years (over 5.5)... he's never done anything at all that would make him untrustworthy and I just wish I realized that sooner. I did trust him, but after joining the forum I started to think anything could happen is what I'm trying to say.

And that's basically me overthinking.. and being really reminded by last summer. I just can't get it out of my head sometimes. I feel a little better sometimes, but when it gets me down that's when there's a problem. I want to learn how to easily put things behind me and not dwell.

I am a dweller and an overthinker

I really should get help now but now that I am improving little by little I think that it would be a waste of money when I can just wait until September and get it for free. I feel like if I don't pester and pretend everything' s okay then I will be the only one affected.