Please, urgent advice needed

[lehche2]

I just broke up with my gf of 6 months. When we started, i was the reluctant party having juz got out of a 2 year relationship after a terrible break-up.

 

I gotta admit that as i wasn't sure, my commitment level was pretty low and i was very mean to her most of the time. She told me when she first knew me, she thot that I was the one for her and hence she kept asking me to marry her. I am a divorcee (married for all of 3 mths!!). I figured that we hardly knew each other and I definitely wasn't sure if she was the one.

 

Thru out the relationship, she was the sweet one. I had lotsa issues at work and was always stressed out. I guess I did take her for granted. I had a substance abuse problem too. Nothing addictive tho. The thing was that the day i decided to clear my mind and have a good talk with her was also the day she decided to leave. I had to let her go. Of course I did all that needy, can't live without you stuff as a knee jerk reaction.

 

I cooled down for a while and tried to figure out wat was impt to me in life. I decided to not chase after the finer things but settle for the simpler things. That cleared up a lot of my stress. I also figured after a while that she will make a good wife and mother, so i decided to go after her again.

 

She wasn't receptive at all. So I figured that there was someone else, which she vehemently denied. Then one day, in very dramatic circumstances, i found out that she was 'seeing' my best fren! 'Seeing' as in not together cos he has a girl fren. I was devastated. Totally betrayed as he was my only confidante wrt winning her back. They were actually laughing at my clumsy attempts! I felt trully sick.

 

Anyway, to cut a long story short, my fren told her that they can't be together like that. And from her confession to me, i can see that she thinks that she is in love with him. The thing is now, she asked that we go away for a short trip, so that she can sort out her thots wrt my fren and that nothing will happen between me and her.

 

I was flabbergasted when she asked me that. I couldn't believe her cheek. I was also sad that while all her frens thot that she shd come back to me, it was my best fren that took her farther. I have since forgiven both as i realised it was better to lose a gf than 2 frens (stupid?).

 

The problem I have is that I still love her very much. I am just wondering if the trip is not such a bad idea after all. I need your input fast. The trip is scheduled for Sun or Mon.

 

Please help.

[pimpcess]

Yeah she gonna be playin mind games majorly with u, I think the best thing u could do right now would be to give eachother space, If she loves u like u love her she'l realise it, after u'v gave her space, I do not think the trip is a good idea at all, She's playin games with u, and the ultimate betrayal waz the best friend thing. Don't go on the trip. I'd use the time 2 consider whether this lady is truly worthy of u and right for u. Hope that helps x

[segagirl]

Well i can understand her mixed feelings. You said yourself you were the not the best boyfriend, her leaving you was based on your own actions. Most of us would have told her to leave you. As far as going to your best friend there was prob. several reason. My guess it was more related to that she was hurt over you and he was a nice fill in, as well as the fact he knew you...which would give her good insight to you. Not only that but the convience factor. She prob. alreadyknew him, he was an easy target.

We do strange things when we are sad.

I would say that i would aslo be doubtful of your intentions if i were her, hence the "no i dont want to try agian". I mean you only realize you love her after you leave...not much in that. I would be sure that it is true that you love her, and not just you scared of being alone. you said: decided to not chase after the finer things but settle for the simpler things..this statement makes me a little nervous. Are you saying you are going to settle for her? And if so does she know that? I think to be quite honest its her that deserves better than you.

So take her away? depends on your intent are her abilty to make good decision about how she feels. I would think She needs time to sort through her feeings when your not around. If do love her tell her so, tell her to want to be with her then work your ass off to be the best man you can. And if your lucky she will come back to you...but on her own terms.

I dont think she is messing with you, I think she is responding to your messing with her.