Hot and Cold...???

[melly_2002]

So I have posted a couple of times under Age Gap & Grief and loss about my problem. Please read them and share some insight with me. I am totally lost. My BF broke up with me last night. He came over and we talked and he was nice at first except he wouldnt communicate with me. I asked him to tell me what was bothering him. He said he never talks to anyone about his problems and he has gotten thru 32 years like that so why should he start. I told him u cant go thru life like that and if u cant talk to me about it then please talk to someone. Then he just got mean. He said he was nice at first cause he had an adrenaline high from his hockey game but now he is back down. I told him he was being cold and I didnt understand why. Then he totally just started to spew out nasty things. "We will never have a future together so why waste time talking about it. You are not right for me. No matter what you say it wont make me tell you anything. You are not the first girl to lecture me about being cold and not communicating and I will probably end up a lonely old man". At that point I told him to leave and handed him his hat and keys, threw his shoes in the hall and slammed the door. The last thing I wanted was to fight but he turned into this heartless, mean, hurtful person right in front of me and I have never had someone hurt my feelings this bad before. What do I do?

[optimistic person]

HE WILL do that again and if you give in right know to that say face act then you are going to see it alot more often. Give your self some time and give him to see want he will do if he loves you he will wait if not and in about a mth and he moves on then let in him go. YOU ARE NOT THE FIRST AND YOU WILL NOT BE THE LAST,

 

Look at it this way he did that sad face because it worked before on one of his e girlfriends.

[segagirl]

ok..this is the right one...

 

at least on this topic. He is telling you directly what it is. He has a hard time talking, he is scared to death of the way he feels, he prb. suffers from depression, and i will bet his family never talks about anything.

So you have two choices. Live with it, be supportive let him know that you understand and will be supportive if he is inerested in making changes. You wont lecture him, you will love him. this man has prob run off every person her ever dated. Now that we have given him the benefit of the doubt...

the second option is dont waste your time living this way. let him know you love him, but unless he gets some help dealing with his emotions you want no part of it.

Understand this issue is way deeper than you, or how he feels about you. he has a lot of work to do to get to a safe place where he can live with some happiness. I assure you if you move on, he will have the same issues elsewhere.

[melly_2002]

Thanks. Well I don't love him as we havent been dating all that long. Due to his inability to communicate the more I tried to get even a little something serious to talk about out of him he snaps and gets mean and is very insulting. 2 days ago he was ready to see me and go out and then yesterday because he was annoyed he started saying that I wasnt right for him and there is no future. And I am definitely not in denial as if he feels that way that's fine with me but I don't really think I am the root of his moodiness and inability to get close. Has anyone had anything similar like this happen. I mean how could u ever have a relationship if the other person cant even tell you what his problems in life are no matter if it is as simple has spilling a coffee on his pants or his mom being sick. He just wont talk about ANYTHING. And when he does speak (and this is even in groups of people or to most of his friends) it is usually a sarcastic one liner. The only time he ever had serious talks with me was when he was drunk. I know I am better off and I am going to a wedding reception tomorrow so hopefully there is eligible men there. No one deserves being treated with such disrespect!!! Kudos to everyone who realizes this!!!

[crazysexycool23]

your bf sounds alot like this person i was seeing. one minute he is sweet etc and then he says NASTY things and i was so offended and in shock. But the thing is he wasn't a bad person so until I did some reading I couldn't figure it out. They are passive-aggressive. They can't express things like being mad they try to be placid until their rage comes out FORCEFULY. When it does come out it is something very hurtful because it has been simmering for a while. Guy I was seeing he says one thing and does another also he is very stoic. He was mad about something I did 4 days ago. Then he has this outburst that terrifies me. If you try to say you have a problem with communication he is either going to ignore what you say completely. or he will punish you in some way so you stop doing it. tell me does he also like to give you the silent treatment when you do something he doesn't like? My guy he didn't have friends and just wasn't close to anyone. I knew him for like 2 months and even then he was too mysterious so I tried ending it. He used to even ignore me when I went to talk to other people...even females. I think it's a combination of bad social skills plus inabiity to express anger directly.

[melly_2002]

My now ex boyfriend is always placid. Its like he has no emotions. He isnt mean all the time he just has a very monotone type of way about him. For ex. I hurt myself in front of him and it was quite painful and it's like he didnt even change. It was nothing major just a couple of scratches but I guess I expected a little bit of caring. He just looked and went about his business. He was super affectionate with me in private always cuddling and touching me and holding my hand when we went somewhere but he never really could look me in the eye. He would get jealous when others checked me out . He wasnt attractive in the typical sense and I normally date more attractive people but he grew on me. I don't really focus on looks anymore. He had a huge issue with eye contact. I guess it is just really hard to meet people at this age and sometimes I tend to hold on to someone just to be with someone. And that is not right. He is definitely the wrong guy for me and hopefully I meet the right one soon. I think he suspected I wanted to break up with him so he made sure to get the words out first. And I wanted to be friends with him but he just turned too cruel when all I was trying to do was make sure everything in his life was ok or at least ensure he had someone to talk to about his family problems. You cant change someone I guess and its easier for him to be mean than to actually have a feeling.

[crazysexycool23]

What happened with this ex is i gave him one chance on his birthday and the holidays i arranged to hang in a motel room. He gives me some story about he's moving. The 3 years I've known him he's always talking about moving but never did it. Then i find out he hasn't moved yet. I was pissed because he wasted my time I was alone in the motel room and guys left and right were hitting on me but they weren't gentlemen so none for them.

His problem is he is terrified of intimacy and apparently sex. He talks like he wants to have sex etc then when you show he's nowhere to be found. Then after I came back here after the holidays he had the nerve to contact me like a month later and be coy again. He's like you really love them don't you (I assume he's talking about men.) I was unaffected and DONE with his stupid one liners that are supposed to leave you wondering. Then he asked if I was ok I said yeah. Then he signs off. Don't care baby.

There is only so much BS one can take. He liked games better than sex yet he was the one who first talked about let's move in let's have a baby (scoff) not that I want any babiest. Which brings me to having a baby with any guy is a bad idea because he can't even get the calling part right!! Yet he wants to talk about how you will be an old married couple. WHATEVER!!

[crazysexycool23]

MYSTERY really gets boring. When will guys EVER get a clue.