Constant belittlement by an older sister

[GuiltyAsCharged]

All my life my sister who is 6 years older has belittled, patronized and made fun of me. Although I've never liked it, it has now become increasingly painful as I'm nearing the age of 18 and still get no respect. She herself started drinking and smoking when she was 13 or something and moved in with her boyfriend (who was two years older than her) when she was 16. Now she patronizes and criticises everything I do totally eroding my self-esteem. Although I know alcohol isn't really too healthy, I think she is being a hypocrite when she comments my light and usually responsible usage with the attitude "Wait till your 18 child". Then an another case is her boyfriend who doesn't belittle me in the way she does, but embarrases me by buying me stuff and carring excess responsibility over me, forcing me to the role of a little child being taken care of.

 

It's really hard not to resent her and I really don't know what to do. I have tried to reason with her by stating that I do not wish to be treated like this, but to no end. A far more effective method has been to belittle her in turn and show her the shame amount of "respect" she shows me, atleast this way I can preserve a little fragment of my dignity.

[eddie500]

Personally, I think you will miss it all when you don't have it.

At lesat your not getting beat up by an older brother.. thats much worse trust me.

When she makes fun of you, just make fun of what she says about you. Or just act likes its funny etc. I mean I have girls who make fun of me... and I don't care so much... think its kind of funny usually.

 

What I think is that its not your sister eroding your self esteem.. I think you probably just have low self esteem and you are just blaming it on your sister.

[GuiltyAsCharged]

Yeah well, she doesn't actually make fun of me in a fun way, it's just pure disrespect and feeling superior over me. Now as I have studied stuff and know that women want dominant men, I understand that this damages my chances with the opposite sex. If you would have to be a mature leader who is in control of others and has all the lesser males bowing down to you and enjoy total respect from everyone, getting belittled by her and dominated by her boyfriend is not likely to earn me this winner's attitude.

It just makes me angry and enraged, the opposite of the ideal, a beaten down humiliated wreck.

[eddie500]

Your right about woman wanting dominant men.

 

but you can't blame your sister for not respecting you... its more what you do and your personality that makes your sister make fun of you like this. Plus, she is 6 years older... so its only natural that she is going to try to dominate you.

 

Dude, your best strategy to get more dominance is to start making fun of her back.. and then when you learn those skills you can use them on girls you want to date.. It will help you a lot.

[GuiltyAsCharged]

Okay, do you have any suggestions how to deal with his boyfriend when he comes to assert his dominance? And btw, were you beaten up by your bigger brother? If so, the way you dealt with his domination could apply here too

[BellaDonna]

I think she does this because she cares about you- but she's not going about it in the right way. Or she may be jealous of you and she needs to put you down so she can feel better. All in all- I don't think she's purposely being hurtful.

 

Let her know how you feel and if it continues then you may need to answer her back in a witty manner to affrim your position as a young adult.

 

I know alcohol isn't really too healthy, I think she is being a hypocrite when she comments my light and usually responsible usage with the attitude "Wait till your 18 child"

 

I would say, "13 was old enough for you, have the rules changed?"

 

(Not that I agree with 16 year-olds drinking alcohol, but I'm trying to be objective based on the way you said you feel.) She may need a reminder of her own behavior.

 

Then an another case is her boyfriend who doesn't belittle me in the way she does, but embarrases me by buying me stuff and carring excess responsibility over me, forcing me to the role of a little child being taken care of.

 

Thank him for thinking of you, but do not accept the gifts.

 

You can take a stand without being mean. Only asnwer her back when she antagonizes you. Tell her she is acting immature. Start calling her "child" when she acts like that.

 

Good luck,

 

BellaDonna

[eddie500]

Okay, do you have any suggestions how to deal with his boyfriend when he comes to assert his dominance? And btw, were you beaten up by your bigger brother? If so, the way you dealt with his domination could apply here too

 

My older brother always asserted his dominance... I didn't really do anything about it. The only time I decided to do anything about it was when I was like 20 years old and I said thats it, I'm going to get bigger then him and beat him up. I started lifting weights and eating... But after 5 months other stuff came up and I lost motivation.

 

But I don't recommend that becuase this guy is a lot older.. and you will not get bigger than him anytime soon. But if your a small guy or a weakling.. than I recommend lifting weights and learning to fight becuase that will increase your confidence and make you much more dominant guy.. I talked about this in previous posts.. and I can't stress enough learning to fight and lifting weights.

WHen you are physcially strong, and you know you can fight, you will be amazed how you feel about yourself and how you will now deal with other people. Its hard work and dedication, but the payoff is worth it.

Trust me, you won't get more dominant by trying to change your thinking...

 

Think about this, if you were bigger and stronger than your sisters boyfriend, and could beat him up, would you then take his crap or feel like you do now?

 

It may sound immature what I'm saying here, but dude its a fact of life, humans are pack animals like dogs, with each his place. Many people based status like this on size and strength.

 

The best thing to do now is just make fun of your sister and her boyfriend.

[I_love_rain_hugs_and_you]

Once you move out of the house you don't have to have anything to do with her if you don't want to. You can ignore her, and have nothing to do with her. I understand how you feel. Just ignore her. Don't expect to get any respect from her, and don't wait for an apology. Just choose to have nothing to do with her, and forget about her. Maybe when you are older you could move far away from her to some far away country where you don't have to see her ugly face ever again.