Age Gap/Mixed Signals

[Ephemeral 2]

Hello ,

 

 

Here's a little background: I am 17 and the guy i like is 33. I met him through work about a year ago. We have become really close friends and continue to get closer even though i have left the job. I can hang out with his coworkers without a problem since were all mutual friends. I've also hung out with one of his best friends and it's great.

 

 

We discussed my feelings for him about 2-3 months after we met and he rejected me. He said he was flattered that the age difference didn't matter to me but it did to him. So since then we have just become the greatest of friends and I don't want to lose that friendship. The thing is that I had told him i didn't like him in that way anymore but i really do. I don't want to repeat the same mistake by reading too much into his actions but his current actions are confusing me.

 

We are the type of close friends that can talk about sex freely without a problem. he flirts with me at times subtly and not so subtly but we have never kissed on the lips or anything like that. When we hang out alone together to go shopping or something like that people would think that we're going out. Basically we have become much more emotionally and physically close. We both share similar dreams and have a lot of interests in common and we understand each other all the time on a very close level. I would talk about something and he would always get it and vice versa. Another thing is that lately i noticed that when i talk about my other male friends he gets a little mad like he's jealous or something. He's the type of guy that can conceal his anger really well but i know him well enough to be able to tell.

 

My family also know i like a guy so much older. They tell me to be careful and tease me about it. So I know things can go really well but I don't know how he really feels about me. I mean yes he rejected me once but there are so many differences now. Am i just reading too much into it or is it that he's just waiting for me to turn 18 so there would be no legal problems? I understand how the age gap can cause problems and gossip i hear it all right now as it is and we're just friends. I also separated myself from him for awhile. No calls no nothing to see if i only liked him because i was around him so much but after the first day i already missed him so much and knew that wasn't the case.

 

 

I can't stop thinking about him. He would just pop into my mind all of a sudden. When i saw him again he told me that he missed me and kept on telling me to contact him. Since then we have started to hang out again and i know he enjoys himself. So am i wasting my time with him? I just really am so confused. Please help me if you can.

 

Thanks for listening.

Ephemeral 2

[segagirl]

I have been told over and over that age does not matter. I think it really depends on the situation. You seem smart, educated and your thoughts are clear. It looks as though you are continuing to develop a special bond with him, that maybe even he was not expecting. I do think that you should just continue on the path, dont read it at all...what happens happens..and if the two of you continue on this path, you may well be on to a solid relationship.

[Gilgamesh]

I agree with Segagirl

 

Dont push him, your doing fine.

[Katelyn55655]

I'm probably going to get in trouble with the moderators for this response but it's the raw truth which I have never shared...until now. This is too much to pass up. When I was 16 I did everything 'but' with a 26 year old drop-dead goodlooking man. It was the most intense and passionate experience of my life and I have the fondest, and I mean the fondest memories of him.

 

On the flip side, at my current age (I'm the mother of a 16 year old), if you were my daughter I would come unglued and would try my hardest to break the spell you are under! Does that make me a hyprocrite...yes! Yes it does. But now I understand what a 33 year old man is capable of doing to a young girl like you. I'm not talking about loosing your virginity either, but that's in the mix. Honey he IS waaaayy too old for you. He has far more knowledge and experience than you which gives him the advantage. Don't kid yourself into thinking he considers you a peer. You aren't and even if he loves you dearly, he doesn't. It would be better to be friends with guys closer to your own age who have the same basic level of experience as you do.

 

I certainly understand the attraction and, did I tell my parents what I did, hell NO! They would have been horrified, and rightfully so. Please just be very very careful here. You are very young and are the one who will get hurt, not him. With age comes a thicker skin...the natural ability to care less and love less passionately. At your age you love and like with raw abandon because you haven't burned your way through a million relationships yet.

 

You won't appreciate how young you truly are until a few more years have passed. Please, please be careful.

[dextro]

Alright, my mom is 44 now and my father is 73. All was good in the beginning they have great sex my mom didn't want any kids so that was cool. Then he gained some years and she wanted more sex cause she needed some but he cannot gave her so guess what happened? She cheated on him and he left her I live with him now I left my mom. You are half of his age, im not here to telling you what to do but I know that you cant live with a man like that. Maybe you have some things you share in common for now but it will change soon enough. I may sound pessimistic but im here to help you out if you don't need mine thats cool. I know that on experience.

 

peace and sorry if im a bit rude

 

Jeff l. Spiegel