sexual incompetence is getting in the way...please help

[ncallum]

A couple of months ago I split up with my girlfriend of 2 years and have recently been getting close to someone at work. I really like her and I think she likes me but I don't want to ask her out because I have sexual weakness.

I have a number of problems. Firstly I don't find sex particularly stimulating. I never watched porn films when I was younger and this has impacted on me now. Consequently, I find it difficult to have an erection. I can get one but it requires alot of touching to get there.

The final problem is that it takes me a long time to ejaculate and I can only do it about once a day (through heavy handed masturbation).

My ex and I never had sex too often because she wasn't that into it and I was too conscious of my own problems.

 

Could anyone offer me any advice? I really like this girl and it would destroy me if something like this got in the way. Are there helplines etc in the UK I can consult or do I need to work on my technique psychologically?

 

Any advice is gratefully appreciated.

 

Thanks

[arwen]

Hey ncallum,

 

I don't know what to advise you-- except from maybe you can talk to a sexual therapist.

 

I think it's very good you want to talk about it. I don't know if you can find a way to make sex more enjoyable- I am coping with similar issues although I am at the receiving (well,... NON-receiving ) end. My boyfriend of 6 months has discovered he cannot really enjoy sex, simply because he has no urge to have sex. He does get turned on, but he doesn't have a drive to have sex. This is called non-libidoism or asexuality. I haven't discussed this issue at the forum yet, but if you find it helpful to talk to someone who is at the other end of this problem (I cannot diagnose this, I'd just assume you have at least a very LOW sexdrive)- please feel free to pm me.

 

I find it difficult to talk about it- part of me took this thing personally and feels really rejected.

 

One question: how was the sex life with your ex?

 

Ilse.

[Napoleon Bonaparte]

Start watching porn and reading sexy books (literature not porn magazines). I think this probably has something to do with feeling embarrased, guilty or in someway less accepting/confident of yourself as sexual human being with sexual needs. This can be beaten and you can become a tiger.

[ncallum]

Thanks for your help so far guys.

 

Ilse, my ex and I didn't have sex very often - we went months without it sometimes. Part of the problem was it was a long distance relationship, meaning we could only have it on certain occasions. It was never spontaneous.

 

Also, we never did oral and rarely tried different positions. All in all the sex was rather flat (most probably my fault).... I just wish there was a quick fix.

 

Is it worth consulting my local doctor?

[ncallum]

[Mermaid]

I'm not sure that you not watching porn as a kid has anything to do with your sexual dysfunction as an adult. I don't see any sort of connection, in fact. What I'm guessing is that there's something in your history that you haven't mention or don't even realize is there that could be creating a psychological block. Ask your doctor about getting hooked up with a good therapist -- even a sex therapist.

[brahman]

if it seems like im ramblimng just skip this post, becuase im way too hyper right now.

 

if its any concilation to you, my girlfriend says i have the shortest penis out of all of her past boyfriends and all her friends tell me she says im the best ever in bed, but then again im 6 1/2 sooooooooo... and even then she says smaller would be better.

 

 

smaller guys really do have a better time doing what they want there thing to do.

 

if you really want some good advice you should be more open and tell us what positions you tried and do you keep a ryrthum, alot of guys dont pay atention to there own rythum and become to erradic for her to have pleasure. also i dont know how far confidence will take you just pay attention to her needs and youll do better

 

reading books with mostly words is great advice, i dont know if you realize how much there is to learn. one of the interesting facts i learned was that most women who orgasm, do so before or after sex and not during. little facts like that make you become more interested in cuddling, foreplay, and being romantic.

 

and as for having a hard time ejaculating, i cant help at al, maybe a doc would be good for that,

[Mermaid]

 

if its any concilation to you, my girlfriend says i have the shortest penis out of all of her past boyfriends and all her friends tell me she says im the best ever in bed, but then again im 6 1/2 sooooooooo... and even then she says smaller would be better.

 

 

smaller guys really do have a better time doing what they want there thing to do.

 

 

Actually, six inches is the average length of an erect penis. Methinks your girlfriend is lying or was dating porn stars if your 6.5 inch penis is the smallest she's been with.

[brahman]

well it was only one other guy she said was seven, i met him, hes really dumb and i dont think he understood how to please a girl.

 

i asked again and she said she didnt have sex with the others