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[misery12]

Hey, I think I am worrying over nothing again, but I am not sure.

Last night, my friend and I went over to my ex's house to hang out with her, my friends girlfriend and 2 other girls.

We were all drinking, but responsibly, so don't worry.

Anyways, I am just wondering about where I stand with her right now, I am so confused because I have no idea what is going on in her head.

 

Last night her and her 3 girl friends went skinny dipping in their pool while me and my friend were up on the deck (it was dark out).

I guess when I wasn't looking, my ex flashed me.. but I missed it.

Also, we were bored that night, so we played spin the bottle, and I ended up kissing all the girls, but only once, except for my ex, who I kissed about 3 times.

 

The whole night I was kind of wondering what was going on, because my friend and his girlfriend would run off somewheres, and the 2 other girls would be off, and my ex would go with one of them, so I just sort of tagged along.

 

I am not sure about anything right now.. because she invited me over at least, and whenever I hear about a couple breaking up, they go their separate ways, but it seems we hang out more than ever, now.

 

I don't know if I should make the move to kiss her, or not, or should I ask her what's going on in her head?? or what.. i am so confused, mainly because I feel that she was like "ughh, he didn't make a move, I should just move on"

 

BUT I want to make a move, I just odn't know if she will push me away, and I don't know what to do!! I am so confused!

[cichlid]

Who broke it off and why did you guys break up?

[misery12]

She broke it off, about.. 3 weeks ago,

She said she just wanted to be friends, but since then, we've spent A LOT of time together.

[darkblue]

I remember once breaking up with my ex and she said we should still be friends..

 

We ended up spending more time together as friends than we ever did in a relationship..

 

I eventually stopped talking to her because I couldn't bear the pain of seeing her so much when I knew I wasn't over her.

 

Are you over this girl?

[misery12]

No, I am not over this girl.

That's why I feel I need to know what she wants with me..

I cannot go on, guessing.

I just don't know what to say to her.

[darkblue]

Being friends isn't going to hurt; unless you want it to go somewhere that she doesn't.

 

and if it hurts you to see her so much.

 

As a friend, you may have to see her go through relationships. Are you strong enough and willing to be a friend and see that?

[misery12]

That's the thing...

All the guys her age, and my age, are taken.. or they're the type of guy she's not into.

Me and her, have great chemistry together, and some background between us, and she doesn't hang out with any of her guy friends.. like at home or anything, and we do that. We went shopping thursday, and hung out friday night, and she watched my soccer game, and im inviting her to dinner monday night, and im watching her soccer game wed.

 

You see, we hang out so much, that she has to see me more than a friend, or else she'd treat me like one of her friends.. I know how she treats her guy friends, and it's not like this.

 

SO Ifeel that I need to ask her, but I don't know what to say.. because it will seem that im just talking to her to ask what's up with us.. and I know she's not the kind of person that likes to talk about feelings all the time.. I know from experience with her.. So I thought id' ask if she had fun last night, and then relate my question to it or something..

I dont know..?

[darkblue]

lol.. hmm.. difficult

 

this problem comes up soooo many times on this site.. everyone has mixed views..

 

I think actions speak louder than words. She's free yes?

 

She spends a lot of time with you, yes?

 

You two have a history, yes?

 

Seems to add up.. lol

 

Two choices:

 

Go for it verbally/physically and then you'll know exactly where you stand one way or the other
 
Continue being friends.. hope she doesn't find anyone else and hope eventually she comes round.

 

No one can make the decision for you..

 

If she doesn't feel the same; then if she's a really good friend, she'll get over it and understand. or you may lose a friendship..

 

You can't control your feelings; she might understand that, and if she's not interested then still want to be friends.

 

Don't spend time beating on a wall, hoping to transform it into a door.

Dr. Laura Schlessinger

[misery12]

So, how's this sound..

 

Tonight if she comes online.. I spark up a convo about last night, and just talk, but that's where I am stuck... I don't know what to say to relate to that, if I am too open, she will feel I am taking it too seriously and will push her away, that's the way she is, I can't complain, so I have to vary my approach so I get the greatest benefit.

 

So what could I say so she knows that I am still into her, that I've changed and learned to take things easier, and that I will go slowly if she is willing to give it another shot?

[darkblue]

Slower is Deffinetly better.

 

If it was me, i'd be doing little things.

 

There must be some personal stuff from being with her previously that are intimite but subtle?

 

subtle flirting, be caring but not clingy.

 

If there's something you know she really likes.. do it.

 

Such as, going to places you know she likes.

 

As for the subtle flirting; Using your hand to brush her hair behind her ear.

 

If she's got chocolate around her lips; take a hanky and clean it off.

 

Little things that show you're interested without coming off too strongly.

 

I'd advise against coming out and telling her how you feel.. incase you lose the friendship.

[misery12]

So, you think I should just carry on like I am... and have her over for dinner one night this week.. and just do subtle flirting?? so she knows..

 

I just feel that if I dont make any move, or show I have any interest soon.. she will move on, and I'll lose my chance.

[darkblue]

If you think that she is still attracted to you.. Go for it.

 

If not, or you're not sure, carry on like this.. maybe step it up a notch.

 

If she is a Good friend, she'll never go far anyway

[misery12]

Alright, I get ya.

I am just sort of confused of what you think is the best option, you seem to have some great advice, so I don't want to mess it up.

 

In the past 3 weeks, since we broke up.. we've gone to prom together, helped mom with a yardsale, watched my sisters dance recital, hung out at night a few times, watched soccer games, went shopping, and had lunch together a few times. Plus other things.. She does none of these things with any of her guy friends.. and this is only in 3 weeks!!

 

See what I mean, she has to have interest in me.. if she is willing to put all this time into me. She is always the first person to say hi to me when I come online too.

 

I feel that she's waiting for me to make a move, but I feel that I should just say something, subtly.. without asking her maybe.. and from her reaction I will know if she's interested.

 

From there, I have her over for dinner, and progress from there.. how's that?

[darkblue]

It is your decision on how you handle this situation; that's why i'm giving options rather than straight advice.

 

I just feel that if you were to come straight out and make your feelings known, you are puting yourself out there.

 

I'm not saying it couldn't work, just that there's a bigger chance of getting hurt.

 

It does sound like she is in to you.

 

Personally, I'm kinda shy so I would subtly flirt etc. but if you have a good feeling.. go with it.

 

Actions speak louder than words. So think about making a move rather than voicing your feelings.

[misery12]

I understand

I am just so emotionally confused..

I just want to be back to the point where we'rea couple, and I can kiss her when I want to, and I can tell her each day how much she means to me. I don't like hiding it.. at all..

 

I dont' want these feelings to go to waste, that's all.

[Hope75]

Mis,

 

You've been agonizing over this since you guys broke up. The way I see it, you can go one of two ways with you ex.

 

You approach her and tell her everything, that you are not over her, that you can't pretend to be just her friend when you want more, and that she is sending you mixed signals by spending so much time with you when she says she wants to be broken up.

 

1. She either admits that she wants to be with you too and you go slow and give it a go, or

 

2. She reaffirms that she wants to be broken up and you go your separate ways and you stop torturing yourself by trying to be friends when clearly you are not satisfied with that type of relationship from her.

 

I don't think it can continue the way it is, because you are in agony over this and all you can think about is 'what does she mean by her actions?' I think this way, you can find out, and stop being in limbo and start walking in one way or another.

 

What do you think?

[annie24]

Ditto to every word hope said!

[misery12]

So, what you're saying is... is that I should tell her.. that I have all these feelings and things for her, and that I am willing to take it slow, if she's willing to give it another shot.

 

It seems that after all of my thinking... this is the way to go, because if I continue on and just act like her friend and hope that she comes to me.. many things could happen, such as her getting used to me as a friend, or finding another guy.

 

I think I should tell her that I care for her.. It's just so tough because she's such a big part of my life, and I think of her everyday.. so I tell myself if I cannot be in a relationship with this girl.. I should at least be her friend.. but then I don't konw if I could just be her friend and nothing more.

[Hope75]

The reason I think you need to come clean and tell her how you feel is for you, not her, or what her reaction is going to be.

 

I've seen maybe a dozen new threads started by you in the last 3 weeks agonizing over her body language, the amount of time she spends with you, her emails and IM's and what they say..... you are just torturing yourself about this!

 

I would go ahead and get it all out with her, she does seem to be sending you mixed signals and it isn't fair because you are still carrying a torch for her big time.

 

Call her on it, tell her how you feel, and if she is willing, take is S-L-O-W and be cautious.

 

If she tells you she doesn't want you back, than I think the only sane thing to do is walk away, at least for now. You have way too many feelings invested in this girl to be just a friend, and if she tells you she doesn't want you back than the only reasonable and fair thing to do is leave her be for awhile, and stop the torture.

 

You will never be able to move forward from her if you are hanging around this much, and if she isn't interested in trying to work things out.