frozenblaze Posted June 18, 2005 Share Posted June 18, 2005 Ok here is my story...tried to keep it short I am the kind of person that obsesses quite easily about his ex(s) and lives his life in a miserable state until some fair lady enters his life again just to break out this whole peaceful harmony that took years to re-create. I am currently 24 and the last 4 years of my life have been interrupted by moments of great sadness and cruel melancholy which i seem to feast upon. I had a girlfriend 9 months ago and it ended badly while for now i still am in love with her. The problem is that i was not interested to that special girl, she had been a friend of mine for a long time and i thought it was important not to feel attraction toward a friend so I never had the idea of dating her. But then she came up with the idea of us 2 being together and as she was attracting enough and interestingly smart i decided it could work out for us. Well at least i tried. The whole relationship was a mess, while i was trying to "be in love" she was arguing and always angry. The whole sex part was a total failure for i could'nt get "hard" enough neither could I "hold it" long enough for her to have any kind of fun. I am quite an insecure person and it takes time to earn my trust, especially physically. Each night passed with her was a nightmare for my manhood was being tested everytime (with failures each time). She was angry and I was frustrated. We never stopped arguing though we never argued while we were friends. So we(she) decided to end the whole thing since the two of us could'nt work it out together. I still had feelings for her and she told me she still had some for me but then we had to break. Then she came back in my life... While i tried at first to ignore her and stop bothering with someone who would show me no attention but then she came at me and saluted me. I still had some feelings for her for i dont usually give my heart for free, neither for a short lenght of time. So then i called her and told her i missed her... she became angry and told me i was being pathetic... Mad and shameful i stopped talking to her for a while and it was ok until she decided to come to the place i always hang out (club). It took me some courage to go and talk to her back... but then she was kind enough to answer to my questions telling me that she had mixed affection and love and that the only thing she could feel for me now was friendship. I tried to swallow that but it stayed in my throat... Friendship is lame when you feel in love... For now she is dating other guys... especially one of them who used to try to bring me down in front of her before we dated, and some other who have no chance in comparison with him. They dated for a while but it did not worked out for some reasons and now they try to get things back. She does not want to talk to me anymore since i always(yeah that's an error from my part i know) try to tell her that i miss her and she does'nt think she has anything to do with that. She is a cold, calculating person and the only warmth she ever gave was when she was with me. I know that the best thing is to move on and date other girls and try to have fun but then i'm just a hopeless romantic who ruins the best years of his life for someone who does not even care about his feelings. The question would be : Is there any way to get her back ? Even if there is now open war between the two of us, she was one of my best friend before being my girlfriend, i do miss her really... Well i tried to keep that short without taking off the whole context... I just hope you can give me a straigthforward answer... Thank you for everything...just writing that down was quite a relief Link to comment
heloladies21 Posted June 18, 2005 Share Posted June 18, 2005 No chance for reconcilliation. You don't want her anyways. Demand more for yourself. You deserve better. Link to comment
frozenblaze Posted June 18, 2005 Author Share Posted June 18, 2005 Yeah, the thing is i'm just suffering to when i do see her and even anti-deppresive medecide cannot remove that feeling. Psychotherapy neither. I'm stuck with non reciprocal-love and i dont want it to take 3 years just to recover from it... Link to comment
Süsser Tod Posted June 18, 2005 Share Posted June 18, 2005 Obsession is not love, and you'll have to face the fact that you are obsessed and deal with that obsession instead of trying to deal with a false "love". Obsession is powerfull, feels like love, but it isnt, and it bites, really hard. Link to comment
frozenblaze Posted June 18, 2005 Author Share Posted June 18, 2005 I would rather think it is compulsive obsession and try to rationalize about it. But then when i try to, i recall those few good times we spend together and how the whole friendship was refreshing... My psychiatrist tells me i am not an obsessive person and I have the right to be in love and that i should really stop trying to define some pathology on my feelings and how i react to them... I know I titled my post obsessing, and yet it may seem obsessive to love someone who does not even care about you but then it is the way i am... I've become sober so that i can see things with a clear mind and yet the pain is even more hard to get over... Yeah maybe it is not love but then it is painful enough to ruin my summer... Link to comment
guapa Posted June 18, 2005 Share Posted June 18, 2005 Hey there, It's rough. How long did you go out with her. When my ex and I broke up it took me much more than 6 months to feel better about it. I had all these hopes we'd get back together. I made out with a few people which kind of helped and it wasn't until I started dating my current boyfriend that I was forced to really move on (as my bf was pretty tired of hearing about my ex!) And it's o.k. now. But those 6 months were fraught with sorrow and semi-suicidal thoughts and hope about getting with him in the future even though he had a girlfriend. Partly it was because I knew he still loved me as a person that made it really painful, in a way somewhat similar to your situation, though it seems like she isn't being super kind. She may see this as a necessary thing to do so that you will not keep feeling things about her in that way. I know it's hard, but keep your chin up. Give it some time. Maybe date some other people casually, their attention will probably help a bit. Do some things you enjoy. What do YOU think will help you feel better? Link to comment
frozenblaze Posted June 18, 2005 Author Share Posted June 18, 2005 In fact the relationship did not last really long... about 3 months but then we tried to get back together and it ended as an argument in the grocery store... Yet the fact that this girl was my friend before being my girlfriend adds to the pain... For i like her more than just a pretty face... What she showed me was more than i ever thought she was capable of... The truth is I really want to date other girls and I can get over it fairly well most of the time but when i get her in my sight everything falls and I get mad for the rest of the night (sometime the whole week)... I could lie to myself trying to cheer up but then i'm not even able to do it for more than 5 minutes in her presense... My mood swings to irritable and i become quite possessed by anger... Link to comment
guapa Posted June 18, 2005 Share Posted June 18, 2005 Hey- You didn't answer my question... How do YOU think that things would get better. You're really the only one here that has the best answer to that question, you just have to look inside to find it... Do you think seeing her or talking to her is helpful given the situation? What do you think talking to her accomplishes? Link to comment
frozenblaze Posted June 18, 2005 Author Share Posted June 18, 2005 Sorry i did not understand fully what you wanted to know... the thing is not talking to her is probably the best thing to do for each time I tried I ended up with more questions and more insatisfactions... And for sure seeing her is not the best thing to do either... But then there is that place where I hang out all my time and it is kinda her place too so by not going there either i am retreating and then if I still go to that club I might see her which is not the good thing... I thought things would get better with a good talking since it was kinda painful to see her without being able to communicate but then i discovered it only made things worse each time i tried. And then with the fact that we had been close friends for 3 years or so made me think that there could be an ounce of hope and respect that could save the whole relationship...I can only let her go and it is something that leaves me powerless enough to drive me insane... Link to comment
heloladies21 Posted June 18, 2005 Share Posted June 18, 2005 You knoiw what you need to do now friend, and I think that's the hardest part. Understanding where you stand and being realistic about the situation in front of you. You'll be ok now, soldier ahead. Link to comment
frozenblaze Posted June 18, 2005 Author Share Posted June 18, 2005 Thanks but shall i mention that i knew that 9 months ago?!?... easier said than done... Link to comment
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