I broke NC, and now regret it.

[DreamLilies]

So, my ex and I are working on a project and I thought that we were done with it last week. But on Thursday of last week, we had a dinner with one of our colleagues and it seems as if we are going to have to redo a portion of our presentation. Since we've been broken up, we have primarily been in touch only in a business capacity.

 

He went out of town after our business dinner, and we had not been in touch since. He called and left a message for me on Wednesday, and from the message he left, it didn't seem urgent that I get back to him. So I waited until today to call him back. We spoke for a moment about work, then I tried to ask him to get together this weekend on a social level and invited him out to see a show. He turned me down flat, saying that he had yard work to do. I feel like such a putz.

 

If I had just kept my cool and emailed him with work details, I wouldn't be feeling so let down and rejected right now.

 

Our next meeting is scheduled in two weeks. I will force myself to limit all contact until then. It sucks that after over 8 months of being broken up, that my emotions are still so raw. I hate this feeling.

[Nkaleidoscopic]

I'm sorry I don't have much advice for you ..

 

but what a jerk!

 

No one deserves to be treated that way. I'd get away from him asap.

 

[DreamLilies]

Yeah. And we talked just a couple of months ago about how we were both excited about this show coming to town, too.

 

When we broke up, he said he wanted us to be friends. I don't think we actually are friends, though. He might disagree, but I spend time nurturing relationships with my friends and try to stay in touch doing fun, social things together.

 

Since he only wants to know me in a business context, then I guess that we're just colleagues. Not friends.

[DN]

Not to be argumentative but I don't quite see why he was a jerk. He is probably concerned that you want to get back together. Perhaps he could have been less dismissive but remember that people often say they want to be friends at a break-up so as to make things easier. It's not a wise thing to do but many do it.

 

I am sorry that this is hard for you. Are you likely to have to do projects with him in the future, because this is probably the reason you are having such diffuculty with the break-up?

[Nkaleidoscopic]

Well, if he wanted to still be friends, he should have stuck to it.

 

And yard work? That's so lame. He could have come up with at least something better. Even if he felt neutral about spending time with you, he chose yard work over a show?

 

That's why I think he's a jerk ..

 

Then again, I guess he does deserve some space ..

 

*shrug*

[PlayBrat]

... Accckkk...yardwork???

First of all...contacting someone under the "guise" of business

is STILL contact. I would even eliminate that if it's possible for you to do that. Is there anyone else that can take on some of the projects that might involve interaction with your ex? If he doesn't see you...even in a work environment, he might wonder about you a LOT more.

Also...if he ever happens to contact you for anything...tell him you're busy cleaning your oven...

[SouthernSon]

Sorry, but based only on the first post that started this topic, I fail to see how he was a jerk. Sure, lawn work is a rather lame excuse, but it's probably all he could think of on a spur of the moment request. He could have said "Hell no, I'd rather drill a hole in my tooth than see you" or worse yet, he could be really mean and play with your emotions by asking you out on "dates", making advances, then backing off for a week or two and then repeating the cycle.

 

I simply think he is attempting to maintain the friendship on a strictly platonic level as best he can.

 

And always remember there are two sides to every story.

[DreamLilies]

Yes there are two sides of the story. His side, and the real side! LOL

 

Anyway, the project we are working on is a presentation that is multi-part. Once this part is done, he might not be part of it from that point on. I sent an email out to schedule our next meeting for two weeks from now, and if we can get all parties to confirm their availability, then I don't think the ex and I will have to have any contact other than emailed details until then.

 

As far as how I can apply NC in this situation, well, it's tough. We'll be in no contact for a week or two at a time, then he'll call me every other day or so. Then no contact for a week, then daily calls.

 

I was feeling rather down about him not wanting to go the show with me since just a couple of months ago, we were talking about how this was a show that we couldn't wait to see once it came into town. Oh well, I need to save up my money anyway.

 

In the middle of writing this, I got a phone call from a guy that I met about a week and a half ago. He wants to get together with me, and he is going to bring two of his single guy friends, and I'm going to bring two of my single girl friends. Not quite a date, but I'm sure that it will be fun nonetheless. All of a sudden, I don't feel so sad anymore!

 

I guess I needed a distraction. I don't believe that I'm ready for a relationship with any other guy right now, though. But tonight, well, it's just what it is. Potential new friends meeting up for a drink.

[SouthernSon]

Before I call it a day, yes, what you wrote below is precisely what you need right now, IMO. Just don't go there hoping to meet a new b/f or have any other preoccupations of what could happen. Just enjoy the evening for what it is.

 

In the middle of writing this, I got a phone call from a guy that I met about a week and a half ago. He wants to get together with me, and he is going to bring two of his single guy friends, and I'm going to bring two of my single girl friends. Not quite a date, but I'm sure that it will be fun nonetheless. All of a sudden, I don't feel so sad anymore!

 

I guess I needed a distraction. I don't believe that I'm ready for a relationship with any other guy right now, though. But tonight, well, it's just what it is. Potential new friends meeting up for a drink.

[DreamLilies]

Nkaleidoscopic, I can't think of him as a jerk. If only I could, then this sadness could give way to anger. But I'm not an angry girl...

Anyway, he wants space? He's getting it. Just work related emails for the time being.

 

DN, this project was created by the two of us, and so the both of us are "co-owners" I guess. Until the project reaches its next stage, we will still have to be in some contact. After that, who knows?

 

 

PlayBrat, I'm hoping that with contact limited to work related emailing, he won't be able to help wondering what's going on in my life. And when we have talked on the phone, he always has seemed very interested in what's new with me. LOL on the oven cleaning comment!

 

Southern, I am going into tonight with an open mind and no expectations. I am in no way "boyfriend shopping." I really don't think I have it in me to give anything of myself except for some good conversation anyway. No expectations, and no plans of anything but enjoying the company of the people I'm with.