Help for Break-up-ers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[heart]

I recently broke up with my girlfriend of 3 1/2 years. Its been about 3 months now. The reason i did it was because i felt that it was really the right thing for both of us. I felt that neither of us were going in the right direction in our lives, and that i was really doing what was best for her, and for myself. I loved her very dearly,, and still do, but I really felt that the relationship was getting to be too much,, we stopped communicating, we had nothing to talk about,, and we're young so I figured i would do the right thing in the face of all hell breaking loose. And it did.

It has been 3 months now and i still feel incredibly guilty and terrible because she is hurting so much and i feel responsible. So,,my question is, how come there's never advice or anything for the breakup ers? , just the people who "got dumped". I've been dumped before, and believe me, it hurts alot more to break up with someone,, just from the guilt. How do i deal with this,, i can't get over it, i can't move on. Its makes me feel terrible to have hurt someone that loved me so much. But I feel in my heart that it was the right thing to do. Any advice would be greatly appreciated,, thanks so much for your time.

 

Also if there are any "Breakup-ers" out there,, i'd love to hear you input

[punchy504]

nothing to feel guilty about, the right thing is the right thing, no matter how uncomfortable it seems at first, hang in there!

[Raven44]

You are so right. There is nothing quite like the self inflicted pain of hurting someone whom you love and you know loves you. All I can think of to help the hurt is to come to realize that it was done in an effort to help both people grow and learn. I have reciently done the same thing to my ex-boyfriend of eight and a half months. He doesnt understand why it had to happen and in many ways I dont either. But I knew that it was necessary for both of us to grow up.

 

In the end you have to be satisfied with the decisions you have made and hope that one day the other person will heal and be happy again. If you are able to be friends terrific! If not, you will have the memories from a good, loving relationship to hold in your heart for life.

 

Best of luck and hugs.

 

Raven

[charlotte_skye]

I totaly agree that it is hard breaking up with someone.......i think its sooooo much worse then being dumped..........when ur dumped its like u cat do anything about it, just deal wih it, but when its YOU who made he decision its so much harder, you have to dealw ith guilt, th possibility of making a mistake etc etc.

 

do you still have feelings for her? were u in love? in what way were u guys not ogin in right directions in life? maybe theres other issues that are making you feel guilty. if it is just breaking up with her and her being sad dont feel guilty.

 

my last ex broke up with me and he asked how come i took it so well and was able to kiss him goodbye and keep in touch wantin to be friends etc...and i said because he did the one thing i always asked of him.........to be honest and thats all he did, if he didnt feel our rship was right he cant help it, just hwo he feels and he did the most amazing thing by breaking up with me as it is hard and he was completely honest........so if its just this reason, pls dont feel bad, although shes hurting you would have given her soooooooo much good memories, lessons, love etc for it to cause her pain and with time she will only have those good memories etc left not the pain........so again dont feel bad

[starion]

if you say you love her i advise you to think about it and maybe reconsider

[heart]

I was very much in love with her, and still am. This is the hardest part. I think i thought very much about the phrase "If you love them, let them go" . Just because i love someone, i figured that, that didn't neccesarily mean that i had to have that person right next to me all the time, especially if it was taking away from our goals in life. ITs really hard to explain,,, at that time,, I really felt it was the right thing to do!!! I really did,,,, so i guess its just hard now because it feels like the exact oppositte,, and there's always that fear that you've made a mistake. It just sucks,,, I would really love to just be happy again one day.

 

You know what else sucks?

-There were things that were not going well with our relationship (communication, trust, etc) and i was the one who did something about it! you know? She didn't do anything, she just wanted to be together no matter what. I tried to overcome my fears, and do the right thing no matter what. So, really, i'm almost pissed off half the time that i have to feel so bad about all this. And shes not even at the stage where she hates me,, and then gets over me,, and thats really gonna suck.

 

Thank you guys for all your input, it really helps to get feedback

[kmk12]

I also feel that if you both still love eachother you should reconsider. I understand if you need to take time to figure things in your life out/ make yourself happy. But in the end if you both still love eachother why quit? I am in the same situation, but, on the other side of the fence since my ex broke up with me yet she still loves me. I just feel that if you both love eachother as much as you say you do this is gonna lead to more hurt for the both of you, when instead you could be working this out together.

[DreamLilies]

Heart, that was the adult thing to do, I mean the trying to work on your communication issues and such before you decided to break up. If my ex had been open and communicated that he had issues and fears about us, and if we had been able to talk about it, then we wouldn't be exes right now.

[younglady49]

Heart,

I can really relate to your dilemma. I too left my b/f of 7 years. I had broken up with him many times before. He has never broken up with me. I knew when I first met him, that he was not the one. Yet, there was something about him that kept me hanging in. I don't know if I have abandonment issues from my past, tho I broke up with him.

I have been apart from him almost a year now. We talk on-line and sometimes on the phone. I always feel very guilty about leaving him. He loves me and is willing to do anything to fix it. My ex is a recovering alcoholic of 21 years. He has outbursts at times and is very negative. My father was a drinker and I think I see alot of similarities in him. He works on his issues but the same bad habits come back. I have my own issues to work out and I can never be myself (whoever that is). He will say,"I do the best that I can on a daily basis". That is not good enough for me. I am always walking on eggs. Just writing this shows me that I made the right decision. But why all the guilt? He knows my reason for the breakup but I know he has a lot of hope of going back because we have in the past.

Also, he has a dog that I am very fond of. I will visit the dog when my ex is not at home. I feel bad that the dog is missing out on my relationship with him.

Good Luck-and time does heal-sometimes longer than we want. I'm still waiting.

 

.