what goes on in a place like this, Is this cheating?

[Mr Meh]

Observe the behavior for a little longer and see if you notice a pattern to it. Is the withdrawal on a particular day of the week? Is it right after he gets his paycheck? I know that the "massage attendants" (prostitutes) posted their schedules on the website- so if he's seeing a one consistently- he might be going on a particular day of the week.

 

You might even be able to go back to previous months online and see if there is a pattern in the withdrawals (my bank lets me go back 6 months). Being a man myself, I think I would probably have a certain day I would go were I doing this.

 

Another thing that I thought of is that if he's a salesman and has to entertain out-of-town clients, it is certainly a possibility that he is sending them to this place. Not an uncommon practice to 'service' big accounts with things like this.

[BellaDonna]

Another thing that I thought of is that if he's a salesman and has to entertain out-of-town clients, it is certainly a possibility that he is sending them to this place. Not an uncommon practice to 'service' big accounts with things like this.

 

Hmmm.... but wouldn't he use company funds or simply direct them to the place and let them pay for it with their own money? I think it would be weird for him to spend hundreds and hundreds of dollars of his own money for the sake of entertaining. Also, he wouldn't want to risk getting his clients in trouble because it is illegal activity going on there (the place even gets raided by the police). He could get the clients and his whole company in trouble. I don't think the average man would risk that when it comes to their job.

 

Also, his wife clearly has a funny feeling about him which led her to look into this/snoop to begin with. Usually those types feelings are on target, especially if you've known and loved someone for a long time (12 years) and can read them.

[marthaceleb]

well he is certainly keeping himself busy. It happened again yesterday afternoon. Now he spent $300.00. I don;t think I can take much more of this. I am ready to breakdown here.... I asked him where he was yesterday because I told hin I tried calling him, and he said he was at work and probably away from his desk.. This morning he told me that he also has to meet a client at a coffee place, what a lying $%^&*(@ you know what. Now because we drive in together I kept a record of the km. It is exactly the correct km to this "place" he's going to, same with last Friday.

I just can't believe that he can look at me and lie so much. I mean how can someone that you know for so long do something like this.

 

Like I said> i'm really in rough shape here. I think that I will seek some kind of counselling.

[BellaDonna]

You are carrying around a pile of negative emotions and dying inside. Even if you don't have a lot of evidence, I think you have enough information to confront him. The distances he's traveling, the money he's been spending, the number you found to the "massage" place, and other things you PMd me about. At this point, what do you have to lose by confronting him? You can't keep going on like this, holding it all inside.

 

I think that I will seek some kind of counselling.

 

I think that is a good idea becasue it sounds like you're entering a depression.

 

You mainly have 2 choices:

 

1.) Continue to hold it all inside and feel terrible.

 

2.) Confront him and based upon his reaction

a.) Try to save the marriage, and insist he go to counseling with you

b.) Leave this relationship

 

I think you should consult a counselor because she/he can help you through this process.

 

Of course, don't go through it alone. Continue to post here and let us know how you're doing. There is also another great forum for surviviing infidelity: link removed

 

There you can talk with other wives and husbands who are in the same situation as you are right now.

 

 

BellaDonna

 

 

BellaDonna

[marthaceleb]

Thanks BellaDonna, for all your advice. I really really appreciate it. I will consult with a counsellor and let you know what I decide to so.

 

Again, thank you so much. I think that I will have to confront him very soon..

[shelly7]

Oh yes they lie. I was staring at a travel itenerary in his name with another woman, I had proof in black and white and he still lied! ](*,) Good luck to you! Stay strong!

[yeawutever]

Um pretty strange that would husband woudl rather spend time in a massage place than with his wife, though giving someone a massage doens't necessary involves erotic feelings. And if these feelings aren't involve then it wouldn't constitute cheating, but do confront him about it anyways.

[Sad_now]

Hi Marthaceleb,

 

Wow! I thought my situation was bad, but you seem to be in a real predicament. First of all, while I am on board with all the suggestions on how to obtain proof of his cheating, at the end of the day, your gut feelings matters the most. Can you just not come out with this straight and tell him that you are upset and say that something has changed between you two. Maybe you need to go on a break. If he cares, he will bring it up or at least stop. If not, you know where you stand.

I am so sorry, I really am.

[Goldfish6888]

Hi

 

I actually got into my ex's yahoo and hotmail accounts accidentally....as he had left passwords on my computer...I would NEVER have known he was cheating...on me otherwise. There is nothing worse - it feels so sickening to the pit of your stomach.. I'm soooo sorry.....I know what you are going through as I'm going through it now. I've also got a body clock ticking and I know how strong this can be. I feel like time is running out and I had to say goodbye, yet again to another potential partner.