This time she just called me. Suggestions Please

[simon_uk]

So my ex just called again, I was in the bath so I genuinely missed the call. This time she left no message.

 

I drafted a text reply but havent sent it yet.

 

Sorry, cannot speak to you for obvious reasons. I will post your things or drop them off at your mums when I can. Take Care

 

Is this too much. I mean I want to keep the door open if I can but dont want to sound too bothered. Suggestions Please! Want to send it asap get it over with.

[heloladies21]

No reply. She didn't even leave a msg. If she wants to get through she'll call again.

[Mr Meh]

Your message is short and to the point. I don't know your back story, but short of a restraining order I don't see anything too revealing either way.

I read a lot about NC on here, and I think if you are honestly not violating you own 'rules' then go for it.

Being how she didn't leave a message, are you assuming she wants her stuff?

[Royltnxile]

Why even call her back or send her a text if she didnt leave you a message????????

 

By replying to her without her leaving a message you are sending the wrong message. You will be letting her know that you are still hung up on her but jumping to call her back, or text her when she didnt even leave a message. It smacks of neediness and clinginess. If she didnt leave you a message, you have no idea what she wants.

 

Don't do it. Make her leave you a message before calling her back, then don't call her for a couple of days.

 

Remember, she chose to push you out of her life, thereforeeee she can live with that decision for awhile. Don't be so available to her because if she knows you are sitting around pining and just waiting to return her call, it's going to let her know that you are putty in her hands. The point here is to let her miss you, let her wonder what you're up to...let her be a little annoyed and pissed that you didnt get back to her. You have nothing to lose. Besides, she could just be playing a game to SEE if you will call her back after not leaving a message. Let her wonder.

 

BLOW HER PHONE CALL OFF IF SHE DIDNT LEAVE YOU A MESSAGE. You deserve at least a civil and decent message. How hard is it to say "Hi, It's me, just called to say Hi".

 

Think about it.

[simon_uk]

no i am not assuming she sent me a message yesterday asking me for her things the post is further down

[simon_uk]

no i am not assuming she sent me a message yesterday asking me for her things the post is further down

[simon_uk]

no i am not assuming she sent me a message yesterday asking me for her things the post is further down

[Mr Meh]

ok got it...

[CarterJonas]

I would leave it be and let her get back in touch, especially if she didn't leave a message.

[lifeiscash]

It's just a message who cares. I call girls all the time and NEVER leave messages. And girls call my phone all the time and NEVER leave messages. In your case this must have been a serious relationship, but I don't think her not leaving a message is all that big of a deal. Maybe she has something directly she would like to say to you... who knows, either way I don't know your situation all that well but if I were you I would go along with everyone elses advice and just do your thing. You don't have to reply to ANYBODY.

[japhy]

my rule has always been " no message, no call back"

don't even call her...just drop her stuff off.

[simon_uk]

So today she rang me at work, I didnt answer then she calls my mobile and leaves a message, quite annoyed she says

 

"so I guess I am one of those you arent going to call back, I need my stuff so please ring me"

 

As I am listening to her message she calls again and leaves another, this time she is half laughing and she says

 

"I know you got the last message because it went straight to answer machine, call me"

 

So I sent her a text saying.

 

" X I will send post your things to your mums or drop them off when I can, Take Care"

 

She didnt respond?????

[PlayBrat]

'

 

Hi Simon....

 

Sounds like she is "testing" you again...hence her comment "I suppose I am one of "those' you won't call again". What was the point of THAT comment? She's merely annoyed that you're not taking her bait.

Do as you've been doing...remember..SHE broke up with YOU...until she actually says the words..."I want you back" ...live your life as if she's gone forever, otherwise you're setting yourself up for a fall.

You're doing great!

[simon_uk]

Thanks for the reply! So should I tell her that she isnt one of those who I wont call again and that it is just too hard for me to talk to her?

[Mr Meh]

NO! As PlayBrat pointed out, the "I suppose...." comment is the bait! If you call her and validate every little comment she throws at you, she'll play you as long as she wants. Forget about making sure she knows you're waiting. The need to take care of her feelings is going to seriously slow down or stop any kind of moving on for you. Again, forget about her feelings and trying to figure out why she says things like this.

[PlayBrat]

No Simon....don't say anything more. Follow up with what you said..and drop her things off...then you might want to text her with something short...like.."Your things are at XXX" Take Care. No need to be mean or bitter...just don't play her game. She won't respect you if you do...

As I said...until she owns up and says the words..I want you back" Or admits she was wrong and is sorry...you owe her NOTHING.

Hope that helps.

[urbangentleman]

Hi Simon....well i have been following your posts, actually the doc and you and i are all in that boat together i think.What i've realised today in myself is that, i am not going to call at all.Why?...Well 1 she left me.If somebody really, really wants you in their life after they have left, well then they know where to find me, and should know me well enough on how to approach me and how i'm likely to respond.I mean after all, emotions aside, if she doesn't know that then who the hell was she dating and sleeping with.Think about it. I'd say you dont need to play games, be civil , be mature, just return the stuff like you said, and keep the journey for yourself pointing forward.There is alot of great advice on these forums, some i have taken, some i have not.But at the end of the day, you are the one living in your sphere of the world, and it's really your decision.I agree she is baitng you, unfortunately for her, your about to go fishing elsewhere!....As the old saying goes sometimes my friend....plenty of more fish in the sea. (dont get me wrong simon, i hurt as well mate, just trying to get some humour back for all of our hurting souls).

 

Good luck my friend, i'll track your posts, and hey, any advice to me, pm me.

 

Cheers & regards

 

Urban.

[chai714]

Simon,

She's not playing games, she just wants her stuff back. For her sake, and yours, make this easy and get her stuff to her. I don't care how you do it, just do it ASAP. Don't drag this out and make it a process.

[simon_uk]

Well I think it may be done now. She replied and the conversation went thus

 

"Ok No Probs, will you let me know when? Nice touch with the ignoring thing, I never ignored you, huf, whatever, you take care 2 x"

 

I replied and probably F'ed things up

 

"It is very difficult for me to talk to you, I thought you would understand? I will let you know"

 

Her

 

"Ok understand then but its not hard when u want to talk to me x "

 

Me

 

"Of course it is hard especially after the last time I called you, I dont want to upset you anymore or hurt myself anymore"

 

Her

 

"Ok x"

 

So I guess that is that? I will drop her things off and try and forget it. Have I made a major co8k up here folks?

[patience]

You did not mess up, you were honest. Either she will respect your honesty, or she won't.

 

Drop off her stuff or mail it tonite...seriously, do NOT hold onto her stuff anymore, that's not cool...it is a way of holding onto her, and she knows it! Just go pack it all up right now! No more delays! You'll have a good cry while you do this, probably, but that will purge you of some pain. If you cannot handle dropping it off, mail it. It won't cost much at all, and it will be done. You can pay to have her sign for it, so you will know she got it...that way you don't have to contact her directly.

[patience]

my rule has always been " no message, no call back"

 

good rule!!!

[japhy]

drop off her stuff and go straight to NC (no contact).

this person broke up with you (repeat 3X to yourself).

you don't owe them a single thing.

stop with the puppy dogs and ice cream text messages.

if they want to get "back together" they'll know how to do it, you said it yourself...

Make em' work for your attention.

Stop taking the bait!