Need advice on navigating a complicated relationship, im at loss how to fix it

[confused in confused wo]

Hey everyone,

I'm in a bit of a tangled situation with a girl I've been involved with since December last year. We started off as friends with benefits, although it wasn't explicitly stated, but the spoken agreement not to see other people.

However, things got messy when I was still involved with another girl at the same time. I tried to end things with the other girl, but it was tough for one her side, and i felt bad for her i tried to ended and this not an explanation for my behaviour, but things ended messily when both girls found out about each other and im regretting this for my whole life.

After a lot of drama, I decided to pursue things with the girl I genuinely care about, who I'll call the "nerd girl." She was willing to give our relationship another shot, but she wanted something more serious than just casual sex that at time I couldn’t coz usually when it get serious i *** things up.

However, things started to go downhill when she asked to see my phone twice. I refused the second time, feeling it was an invasion of privacy, and it led to more arguments. She became really depressed and questioned my trustworthiness and she asked for time to think.

Then a reach to her and we had a heart-to-heart, and I expressed my feelings for her, but she seemed shocked and unsure about where she stood. She mentioned needing more time to figure things out but i was like u had time and she said i want more time and i was like we need to figure things now she went I have feelings for u I don’t wanna lose u then I walked her home she said let’s stop this and she was crying, which left me feeling confused and frustrated.

In the next few days we met up in common area we go to. At first, I wasn't keen on talking or even saying hi. she tried to initiate contact, but I was still hurt and decided it was best to keep my distance. However, I soon regretted my decision and felt frustrated. Despite my attempts to reach out, she was understanding the situation, and i insisted on meeting only in head on head where we could be alone.

Eventually, we did meet, and I asked her to talk. During our conversation, she continued to express concerns about trust and the phone incident. We both admitted to feeling hurt, but she suggested it might be better for us to move on and in few month will finish our studies and move from the city and start anew.

And i said let me I finish speaking, then when I finished speaking she told me she needed time to think and would consult her sister, as she believed her friends' opinions of me are not in my favour . It's been a week since we last talked or met, as I've been hesitant to interact with her or with our circle.

I'm at a loss about what to do to fix it. Any advice or insights would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks for reading

[Wiseman2]

12 minutes ago, confused in confused wo said:

. she told me she needed time to think and would consult her sister, as she believed her friends' opinions of me are not in my favour . It's been a week since we last talked or met, as I've been hesitant to interact with her or with our circle.

Sorry this is happening. Unfortunately you two want different things. She seems to want a trustworthy exclusive relationship, but you claim you can't offer that. It's ok if she thinks about it because there's been too much wear and tear.  She knows your contact info so try to step back and see if she wants to resolve things. 

[confused in confused wo]

10 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Sorry this is happening. Unfortunately you two want different things. She seems to want a trustworthy exclusive relationship, but you claim you can't offer that. It's ok if she thinks about it because there's been too much wear and tear.  She knows your contact info so try to step back and see if she wants to resolve things. 

i mean yes at first i didn't want to coz i was afraid of lose her. but now i can do a commitment. but now i don't know what she will say and already being one week from the time she said let me think about it.

[smackie9]

So you were see two girls at the same time, they find out about each other, then the one you want doesn't trust you and you feel you are owed in some way with the effort you put into putting your heart felt words out to her and yet it's not working. From a woman's perspective I don't blame her one bit for being hesitant. All you can do is wait if she is worth waiting for. If you really care for someone you sacrifice something of yourself to them without complaint. And that is being respectful of her request to think things over. If she doesn't want to see you anymore, you gracefully accept the outcome and move on. Plenty of other girls to date in your future.

[confused in confused wo]

2 hours ago, smackie9 said:

So you were see two girls at the same time, they find out about each other, then the one you want doesn't trust you and you feel you are owed in some way with the effort you put into putting your heart felt words out to her and yet it's not working. From a woman's perspective I don't blame her one bit for being hesitant. All you can do is wait if she is worth waiting for. If you really care for someone you sacrifice something of yourself to them without complaint. And that is being respectful of her request to think things over. If she doesn't want to see you anymore, you gracefully accept the outcome and move on. Plenty of other girls to date in your future.

ofc i don't blame her and i cant even think to blame i deserve this fully but like the waiting i think is long so like this what I'm saying is it normal or just i have to move on, coz most probably she moved on and doesn't want to hurt me and not to face me also. this what I'm thinking of, but in any case I'm respecting her wishes 

[Voyatic]

It sounds like you're going through a tough time. It's clear you care about this girl, but relationships can get messy, especially when there's confusion and hurt feelings involved. My advice? Give her the space she needs to sort through her feelings and decisions. In the meantime, take some time for yourself too. Reflect on what you truly want and how you can move forward positively, whether together or separately. Communication and understanding are key, so when the time feels right, try reaching out with an open heart and mind. Wishing you the best of luck.

[TeeDee]

She doesn't trust you.  Without trust there is not much there.