It’s taken a while but I think I’m finally in the early days of healing!

[WintersDay]

So, a brief over view of my story is available on some of my other posts of a breakup that literally broke me and rocked my world - never has a breakup ever affected me like this before dealing with full blown panic attacks, losing 2 stone in weight…..mourning the loss of my home, best friend and possibility of me ever having kids…….

I really struggled as he works at the same place and such was my love or him, I really struggled to get into any sort of ‘anger’ despite what I realise now, was an absolutely appalling way to treat someone. He covertly ousted me from our home, devalued and denigrated me over the course of two weeks and then stone walled me out of nowhere just before buying our own home and him telling all my friends and family he was going to propose to me. 

Anyway, I’m at 6.5 month stage now and honestly the thought of my ex and being with my ex utterly disgusts me. I know anger and disgust aren’t ‘nice or healthy’ feelings but I am so thankful they are now here. 

I have also started dating the most gorgeous man who I tried to keep at arms length as I told him I was still healing and no where near ready (how he didn’t run a mile I have no idea!?) He’s everything my ex isn’t. Patient, humble and completely unselfish. 

Ive no idea where it’s going to go but we’re taking things very slow and enjoying each others company. I continue to be super open with him about ‘where I’m at’ in terms of moving on and how I feel about what’s happened to me. 

My 45 year old ex is still apparently going out getting wasted and chasing girls in their early 20’s……I hope he finds whatever it is he was ‘missing’ from the person who adored him for 4 years and was ready to give him everything he said he wanted. I’ve now told work colleagues I don’t wish to hear anything about his further behaviour/dalliances so to kindly not tell me.

I’m not 100% healed (more like 75%) but really starting to feel like there’s progress being made! 

[boltnrun]

Sounds like you're on a good path.  

[WintersDay]

3 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

Sounds like you're on a good path.  

Thankyou. I’m getting there. Having spent months of being absolutely incredulous as to how people can behave the way they do to good people and beating myself up about how hung up and how long it was taking to feel better, I’m finally coming to the realisation that the one person who is going to be better off after all of this is me. I doubt my ex will do any self reflection, work, or change his behaviour and will likely repeat the same pattern again. I on the other hand have really done a deep deep dive into behaviours and boundaries I will speak up about in the future. 

[Wiseman2]

52 minutes ago, WintersDay said:

I have also started dating the most gorgeous man who I tried to keep at arms length as I told him I was still healing and no where near ready (how he didn’t run a mile I have no idea!?) He’s everything my ex isn’t. Patient, humble and completely unselfish. 

That's great. Enjoy your budding relationship, it's good to move forward. Maybe losing this ex was a blessing in disguise since you seem to have found a gem?

[WintersDay]

25 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

That's great. Enjoy your budding relationship, it's good to move forward. Maybe losing this ex was a blessing in disguise since you seem to have found a gem?

Thankyou. Like I say, I’m taking it super slow. I wasn’t ready whatsoever when this man turned up and I told him that and have been completely honest from the outset that initially I worried this was a rebound…..he’s been solid as a rock when I’ve been upset and most people would have run a mile and continues to surpass expectations.

My ex has very strangely had an office built for him in my department that he has absolutely no business being in. At the same time, the info about the young women came filtering through and on top of that I was told by my family about his prior plans to marry me etc………it’s been a really tough time and I really pulled away from this new guy at the time who quietly and persistently has been there throughout and said he understood I was hugely hurt and having a very difficult time but he wanted to keep seeing me at my own pace. I was shell shocked. I’ve now started to get over these feelings and really start to like him a lot. 

It’s been an odd dynamic of meeting someone whilst heartbroken compared to all my previous experiences of ‘fireworks’ when meeting people previously. I don’t know what any of the future holds but I’ve been hurt so much by pinning everything on my future that I’m now ready to let go for a bit, live in the here and now and see what happens 
 

 

[Capricorn3]

Always nice to have a positive thread.  Wishing you the best on your road to healing. 🙂

[catfeeder]

5 hours ago, WintersDay said:

I’ve now told work colleagues I don’t wish to hear anything about his further behaviour/dalliances so to kindly not tell me.

Very smart move, WD. So happy to hear from you, and thank you for this wonderful update.