Has anyone here at all refused to speak to the dumper.

[quing]

by either refusing to answer phone calls by not replying to dumb email messages designed to make you jealous? if so how did they respond or act in retaliation?

Does it really make them want you more and give you more power.

I mean I suppose it is rejection again but back to them.

Do they then go through the same phases us dumped go through?

I would have thought it might cause the same sort of psychological impact as dumping as you are then placed in positions to reject them.

 

After 6 years of a loving relaxed relationship then suddenly getting dumped so she can date another guy. I went into automatic not beg mode, instead I encouraged her, as a reverse psycho thing., and Ihave been polite and civil through out all our dealings.

I then intiated 7 weeks to date, of not ever calling her even after her begging me to, so she can hear what I have been upto.

I have responded only to financial aspects of her emails, and met up with her once after rejecting her arrangements on 2 other occasions. This left with me saying I don't do friends with ex's and refusing her hugs and attampts to kiss me.

In the last week I have refused to answer her 'look at me now' social 'bragging' email take or her two of her calls which were to confirm she wll be collecting the remainder of her stuff this past weekend.

 

I made sure I was scarce and my house mate was there when she arrived.

He said she seemed very different, not her old self and was making out she was 'happy' in a real 'look at me' way (which I expected from the 'look at me' email) so that it will get back to me I presume, and that she had had her hair cut completely short and different, (another look at me now)

I feel this is all a big mask like it has been from day one where she was still trying to hug and kiss me even with her date outside.

Well apparently she was curiously very reluctent to hand over the house key (Why she would need it no one will ever know)

And asked him if I was on vacation because I twice refused to answer my phone in a space of 10 minutes (shocking!).

Well he was straight forward with her and said, I don't think he (myself) can be really be bothered and that I have nothing more to say anymore, in which she replied she understands.

 

Well hey, this has all been very painful but maybe less painful than offering my soul to her after being dropped like an anvil.

I also felt during this time she was particlary dangerous as she has really psyched herself up for what she wants and will not let anyone stop her, it looks like even her own self. This is another reason it was best to leave her to eat herself up and blame herself, and not use me.

I have in effect left her completely alone with both her, and her friends own thoughts.

 

Now I read that you ar not ever supposed to persue if you want your woman back or at least chase you, and that they respect the ones who are out of reach, and play hard to get.

Also my scarceness has caused her much intrigue that is why she emailed the other day so she could hear what I have been up to.

 

Now she seems to have been craving more than me or maybe because she left me she is not afraid as much to show it.

 

I can't see any other way of playing harder to get, I still love/hate her (well I did spend 6 years with her) but it maybe just a phase until someone new comes along in my life.

 

Any predictions or personal experiances from rejecting a womens phone calls etc.

Will she try harder with a new strategy now she knows her current ones have not worked? I know we have a ton of memories and I cannot believe she will want to leave it like that forever.

 

I just want her to come out with 'Ok I give in, I am f***ing sorry alright! I was a real stupid dumb idiot and I was wrong damn you!'

 

Maybe wishful thinking, but it occurs to me I have tried a different tactic than most on here and i'm curious to what will happen next if anything.

Breaking up sucks, it screws with your mind whether you are a dumper or a dumpee.

I hope a pretty chick comes along soon to make me question why I have even bothered writing this damn stuff, but still 6 years of investment!!!

[The_Doc]

Well the whole play hard to get is from how I understand it designed to make them reach out for you and reverse the situation.

 

You have to ask yourself what do you want? She has made the running and you still have been hard to get. If you want her back at some point you have to stop spurning her advances. Pursuing is one thing, running in the opposite direction is another!

 

I don't knoe maybe after all this time you don't want her back?

 

If you do at some point you have to be receptive...

 

You can contact her and be 'nice' without being needy or desperate. Small talk, happy talk. Avoid talking about the relationship, about your feelings about hers. Keep it pleasant and short. If it goes well, you can meet for a coffee... again somewhere thats not emotionally loaded, and again keep it small talk.

 

End of the day its your call... but sounds like she reached out, you rejected and now she is adopting all the behaviours that we tell dumpees to adopt!

[PlayBrat]

Hey Quing....

 

It never ceases the amaze me how brazen some people can be.

Your ex for instance..what does she expect REALLY? Trying to kiss you etc...after dumping you...good grief. I respect what you're doing and how you're handling yourself.. you sound like you have class, and honestly...I think that's a big thing that's keeping her there. You are doing what's right for YOU and that's SO important. Six years IS a long time, and a lot of investment...of course you're going to still love her. One day...you will wake up and be ready to rid yourself of her. You'll be ready to ask that cute girl out for a drink, or to a movie. You are doing just fine. I wish you all the best.

[quing]

End of the day its your call... but sounds like she reached out, you rejected and now she is adopting all the behaviours that we tell dumpees to adopt!

 

If I pursued her certainly now I would be in bigger trouble. especially after the look of the last email and now the all guns blazing independent women hair cut that she was so desperate for me to see and I did not (ha ha).

 

That is why I guess she went all weird as a rejector, I threw her off balance with her own decision when I said it was great for us that this guy came along and I wish her well. She was expecting a 'please, I beg you donnnn'ttt leeaavveee meeeee' and I did not.

 

So if she is behaving as a dumpee now then maybe I should expect the NC, then a letter later. At the moment I am getting the NC again, and she knows I don't want to talk to her (how strange, the dumpee not chasing), which must eat I am sure, especially that every other one of her ex's has chased like a small basta*d, and that her big sis's ex is always there waiting in the wings whilst she is out screwing other guys knowing he will always be there to fall back on.

It really eats me up thinking that she will not be able to enjoy 'me' again.

Bless her.

Well for now I really know what I should do and that is to hold my head up high once again, as I have done from day one and march forward to find that next girl of my dreams.

[quing]

You are doing what's right for YOU and that's SO important. Six years IS a long time, and a lot of investment...of course you're going to still love her. One day...you will wake up and be ready to rid yourself of her. You'll be ready to ask that cute girl out for a drink, or to a movie. You are doing just fine. I wish you all the best.

 

Cheers Playbrat.

[chai714]

Quing,

I can appreciate your situation. It's good to know you're doing things to heal yourself right now. With complete NC and by not keeping up with her life, you'll be completely over her with more time. I had an ex who acted similar to yours and I eventually cut communication completely. She dyed her hair, did not know how to act around me when she saw me, dressed like a high school girl and became so superficial it made me sick. Anyhow, continue to focus on yourself and you'll be cool.

[quing]

I am trying chai714, I am full on headstrong one minute and a moping minnie the next, thats when I take myself out side and kick the sh*t out of myself.

 

This all takes time but I keep thinking I have old scores to settle with the guy who swiped her at a job interview in which she did not get the job and he called later fora drink getting her on the back foot of rejection (what a pathetic weazle), ahhhhhhhh! I wanna kill him!

 

One day!

[QTpie87]

iv'e done it twice.

ONce it only lasted for a few days and the ex seemed kinda shocked lol, it was after christmas break and I was all well I really don't wanna talk to you but I need help finding this class, He showed me, asked me why I wouldn't talk to him, and I was rude and just left without saying anything.

but after a few days I apologized and we are still friends now.

 

the other situation, was this guy I new for like a year and a half, we didn't see eachother for like 6 months, I ran into him at a fair and I ended up calling him. we dated and then out of no where he stops calling me. I didn't bother calling him because I figured he's just a player, so I still see him working at the mall, and he sees me, but niether of us say anything, He can't even look at me.

[tman]

I say just dont risk any chance of reconciliation by being stubborn and trying to play games of some sort. Make her chase you to a point yes but not to the extent where the ex may give up.

 

Like all things in life its a balancing act, get the right balance of aloofness/independance in comparison to her sensing your presense in her life and things should go to plan. Tip the scales too much in one direction causes an inbalance in the relationship and any chance of reconciliation may fail.

 

p.s...the guy who she met at the interview... what a w*nka