need help!@!!!~! devastated over breakup!

[Jonny_Boy]

hey all

 

k i'm new to the boards, as i came cross this site just by luck!! i need some help!! my girl broke the news to me earlier tonight that she wants to see other people and i couldn't be more upset about this. i don't understand what happened! things were going so well, we used to argue bout stuff but things got better. i just don't get all this.

 

me and her had been dating for the better part of bout a year and 9 months... so i thought we were getting at that point where we were going to last. but now all this happened and i'm just left here wonderin what i can do to get her back!

 

i want her back so badly!!! how can i get her back!! HELP!!!!!!! please! how do i get her back!

 

~!!!@-JON-@!!!~

[QTpie87]

sadly, there is nothing you can do to get her back. It's her choice, and the more you bug her about it the further you WILL drive her away from you.

give her time, if she wants to come back she will, if she doesn't then she wont. I know how hard it is to just give up like that, but trust me I know about this, I posted I don't even know how long on this site on how to get my ex back, and it's the truth, you can't make them come back.

You can't controle anyone but yourself.

Im very sorry to hear about your loss, but hang in there ok.

if you ever need to talk pm me.

good luck.

Qtpie87

[heloladies21]

Doesn't sound like you'd be comfortable with an open relationship with her so don't accept it. Go into No Contact and stick to it even if she tries to get a hold of you for the next couple of weeks. See if she tries to contact you after that and then you need to be aloof with her and make up an excuse to get off the phone. See if she starts to swarm your ans machine and chase you down. This is the only way you want her back otherwise she will drag you in the dirt because she will have you by the balls. If she wants you back, she's going to have to work for it because she's the one who hurt you and that can't be ignored. If she forgets about you, let her go because she never really cared about you anyways.

 

In the mean time, do every activity you can think of to get your mind off of things. Gym, school/work, friends, hobbies, party party party. And most important bring female competition into the picture. Start by just talking to other girls. You need this to put you in the right frame of mind. It's hard, but you can do it man. Try as hard as you can.

[Mix Maxster]

Hey man,

 

sorry to hear about what's going on with you. Same thing happened to me not that long ago, but all I would ever do is wonder what I could do to get her back. It plagued my mind over and over until I was ready to tear my hair out.

 

My mind was racing and I was always left wondering what was in store for my future with her. It haunted my dreams and was forever going through my head, for what would seem daily. The same thing, over and over and over. I didn't wish it upon myself, but I wished it'd go away.

 

That's why I realized something. Why would someone dump someone else? Think about it. Why would they? Got bored? You were a jerk and they finally saw it, so that's why they left? You were too depressed, clingy, needy or just plain emotional?

 

There are so many reasons that I could get into about why she could have left you, but the truth is that the chances are she won't and never will tell you upfront unless she was ready to NEVER EVER want you in her life again. Unless you put her in that spot to ditch you for good, she will never tell you "the truth". It makes sense too, I mean people are always worried about making the wrong decision and choosing a mistake.

 

But I won't lie to you. I'm willing to bet that there was a reason she left, a legitamit one that she doesn't want you to know about. Maybe she feels guilty, feels that she's too shallow for expecting too much from you and thinking it or that there's another reason that I couldn't come up with. Truth is though, is that far too many people look for answers that comfort and welcome them as opposed to attacking them head on and getting STRAIGHT to the core of the problem.

 

I mean would YOU want to be told "Dude she left you because you were being immature, irresponsible and a complete deusche-bag. It's time you grew up! You should have done it before anyways!". No, chances are you would rather hear "dude, there was nothing you could do. it's best to take this as an experience and vow to never do it again. We all go through the same thing when this sort of thing happens"

 

But no one tells you advice on how to get them back or else they'd have gotten their ex back. They'll do what everyone else did. They'll follow rules that never solved the problem. I'm willing to bet that if you were the one that was dumped that there was a reason and you need to figure that out fast. I know I'm coming off condescending and appear to be attacking others, but it's important to recognize that this forum is about getting back together and not "healing after a breakup" because there's a forum for that already.

 

People need to feel there's hope for something they want or they'll forever feel like they can never have what they want. They should be able to have hope that they can get their ex back, but people tell them it's not going to happen. I personally feel, why not??? How can someone flat out tell them that there's no hope? Instead of guiding them, they allow that person to become conformed to everyone elses views and as such never see that they could have done something. They'll become hurt and if it goes too far, they'll become wounded and eventually jaded. Some take this as a learning opportunity and don't become what I just mentioned, but you'd be surprised at the number that have.

 

I personally don't mean to become provoking here, but I wonder sometimes about the advice that is given. Seems everyone has to conform to the belief that you can't get them back or else you're "in denial" or are "hurting" and will "soon get past it". I don't know man, seems like running away and being trapped to me.

 

I'll give you one last piece of information. There's an abundance of girls out there, there's such a wide variety that I'm betting any one girl out of a small population could be great for you. Love is an emotion guided by the feeling that you are forever attached to the person you're with. It's a shame when things fall apart like this, but that's what makes love so great. Sacrifice and pain to accept the greater good of what could be a better relationship and perhaps a path you were supposed to go, but never went down. Any one person could be perfect for us, but why choose someone over the other? Why choose the person you're with over any other in this world? Why care, you could find another one! They're everywhere, so why pick the one you got? Think about it then choose what you want to believe.

[danimal77]

Jonny Boy,

 

For now, respect her wishes, because that's all you can do. Give her PLENTY of space, which means NO CONTACT for now. It will show her that you have your dignity and WON'T chase her down, which will give her the necessary room to breathe.....

 

I say give this 1-2 months of letting her do HER thing, whatever that may be. I know this will be very hard, but try and go out and have some fun with your friends and just keep busy with things you like to do and let some healthy distance occur between the two of you for now. It will accomplish many things:

 

1. You will regain your pride and your independence.

2. You will show her that you are a man who can respect her and knows HIS own value and this will allow you the opportunity to go back in at a future time, if you so choose to...

 

For now, get strong and back off for the time being. She will NOT miss you, if she knows you are right THERE, so, make yourself scarce and try and distract yourself for the time being, BECAUSE a. it is the healthiest thing for you in the long run and b. you have NO other choice for right now.

 

Peace,

 

Danimal