After you get what you want you don't want it?

[Caffeine-intrevenous]

   When I was a teenager I was in a relationship with someone, I'll call him A because I don't want to name names. Hindsight, he was probably my first love but he was immature. He'd be sweet and lovely for a while, wanting us to spend time together, but then he'd become distant and  ghost me. A few months later he'd be back in touch apologising and I'd believe things would be different. Eventually I had enough and for my own sanity refused to get back together because every time he got what he wanted (me) he didn't it anymore. 

   Many years have gone by. I last saw him in 2009 as an adult, we had a casual drink, we were still attracted to each other but nothing happened. Shortly after that, I took a job offer and moved away. I told him I was leaving and didn't hear from him. Bridges were burned with many people. I've had relationships since then, but admittedly from time to time I did wonder how he was doing.

  I have FB but I stopped using it a few years ago for mental health reasons (that would be me burning more bridges). About a month ago I saw something TV that brought back a lot of memories for me. It wasn't just my hometown, I was looking at the road I grew up on. It made me think of an old friend, so I went on to FB, and there was a message from K.

We're both 30-something year old adults now, we live in different cities about an hour away from each other but we have exchanged numbers and have been speaking to each other a few times a week for about a month now. 

I've really liked speaking to him again. There were large parts of my life I chose to forget when I moved away but in pushing away the bad things all the good things went with them.

There's feelings there now. He admitted that before I did but I have feelings for him too. 

The crux of the matter: I suggested we meet up in person, I even offered to travel to his city but he doesn't seem too enthusiastic about the idea. He said "maybe". Now I'm thinking, has he not changed at all? Does he want attention from me but then when he gets it he doesn't want it anymore? Or am I assuming the worst of him by thinking that? I am a natural pessimist.

My adult brain has checked out and I feel like an emotionally confused teenager all over again 🫣

[catfeeder]

I’m confused about whether A and K are the same person? If not, what is your background with K?

[shouldhavelearned]

Why keep chasing the past?

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, Caffeine-intrevenous said:

  I suggested we meet up in person, I even offered to travel to his city but he doesn't seem too enthusiastic about the idea. He said "maybe".  

Sorry this is happening. He doesn't seem that interested in reestablishing anything. Catching up with old friends is one thing, but offering to drive to him could be construed as wanting something more. 

[Caffeine-intrevenous]

Sorry @catfeeder A and K are the same person, not sure how I got my letters mixed up 🤦🏻‍♀️

[1a1a]

I think that you did the right and brave thing to ask about progressing things somewhere and his answer is wholely underwhelming and tells you all you need to know to put this one to bed. 

[Kwothe28]

Its a childish thing. Like when a child wants a toy that their friend plays. But tosses it away if you give it to it. It loses interest as soon as it is obtainable to them.

Also, I am sorry, but he is just not that into you in the first place. There is a movie and a book of that name (He's Just Not That Into You), it has been a while since somebody recommended it here. I think it can use you to gain some insight on yourself. Because here its you who does the chasing. Because he was your first love. He never was that into you even in high school so he just doesnt make an effort. Its you who does, hence your offer to come to him instead of him being enthusiastic about seeing you and even come to you if he wants you. Because he never did have strong feelings about you. Sorry. I think its time to stop chasing the past and leave it where it belongs. In the past.

[MissCanuck]

He isn't interested, OP. 

He seems to enjoy chatting with you but doesn't want to explore further. You're not thinking the worst, necessarily. He just doesn't see this renewed connection the way you do. 

I would leave him in your past and cut communication. You will get hurt all over again if you don't.