Going to contact my ex of 7 years. After nothing for 4 month

[cd1011607306450]

Hello there.

 

I have posted my story before and got some good advise but now I could do with some advise on contacting my ex-girlfriend. I split up with my ex-girlfriend of 7 years last October. I did not see it coming and we shared some very good times right up until we split up. She told me she loved me one week before we split and phoned me telling me it was over the morning we were to go away for a romantic weekend. Whatever I tried to bring us back together did not work and 1-2 months after we split up she was going out with a work college. Now they have been together for about 6 months.

 

I seen her on Friday night when I was out with some girls that I have met. We did not speak to each other as the situation was awkward for both of us. My brother said that she would have defiantly seen us and she looked down about it. Whether she was down or not she seen me in a good light having fun with new people and not moping around being down about her.

 

It has been 4 months since I last spoke or seen my ex. Apart from 2 SMS messages that is it. I met her brother whom I got on very well with and he said that the family did not like her new boyfriend. I also met her friend and she said that the new boyfriend had very little personality, was not particularly good-looking and very dry. Friends of mine have seen them out to together and there was no holding hands etc. I can’t help but wonder if she is realising that the grass is not as green on the other side and that she might be regretting her decision to leave me. I wonder if her seeing me having fun with other girls might jog something in her mind. But that is on the assumption that she still cares for me. I find it so hard that she could move on so quickly and forget me and what we had so quickly.

 

I would like to call her and meet her for a drink and a chat. I want to ask her is she truly happy the way we were for so many years. I want to ask her to come back to me but I don’t know if this would work and if it would be a good idea. I have tried this a few months ago but it did not work. I wonder if the attraction of this new man might be wearing off as I find it hard to believe that she has met the one so soon after leaving me. It is a rebound relationship and these are known to usually fail. But in her case she has jumped head first in to it and given it her all.

 

Does seeing the man you left with other women and hearing he has a new girlfriend effect women and does it jog things in their memory and perhaps develop a sense of longing? I will call her in a few days, I think she will meet me but I don’t know what to say or do and how she will react. Can she regret and come back? I wish she would i ove her and miss her so much. I was going to ask her to marry me on her birthday. 6 months after she left.

 

Please give me some advice.

 

CD101. London, Uk.

[charmed]

Hi 101,

 

I sense that you are deeply emotionally involved with your ex and have not let go. This is dangerous water especially since she has now got a new partner at the moment.

 

You meeting with her, and sobbing because you don't really know what to say may only cause damage to any potential future you have. You need to step back and take a good look at the situation.

 

You did not mention why you split up - is it important?

If your relationship was fine up until that point, there must have been some monumental reason that she decided upon this radical decision.

 

As she has a new partner, you have to be even more careful. Rebound relationships are famous - though never assume they never work out! The frame of mind she may be in is "avoidance of singledom". Many girls like to shut the problem out, and simply not deal with it - infact so do some guys. The easy way to stop you hasselling her after the breakup is if she has a new partner around. Though this may not be a sign that she is over your relationship.

 

I advise that you really get your plan of action together before attempting to meet with her. Decide two situations - if you got back together what you want - and if you didn't get back together what you want. Then meet. Chat, and find out where you stand - but the best situation is that you have a good idea what you want or don't want from the relationship - but unfortunately you are going to be the one that comes out requesting the re-bonding of the relationship you had.

 

Again, I recommend you be careful. You have a lot to loose here as you are on the back foot and this is obviously an emotional time for you.

 

You say that you wanted to marry this girl - is it possible that she got that impression and ran from that serious a committment. On meeting her, maybe you should not bring that issue up straight away, and just let her know how much you "still want to be with her after this time apart".

 

Hope this helps you,

 

Charmed.

[Gilgamesh]

Dont Do It!

 

forget about her, if she is interested she will call, dont open old wounds,

 

if you must make contact, send her a birthday card or something,

 

She ended it with you!, for whatever reasons, she found someone else, because thats what she wanted.

 

move on, find someone new, fall in love, get married have kids, be happy!

[segagirl]

agree...do not call her.

You are pojecting your own feelings of longing and loss on to her. Of course seeing someone we once loved with someone else is tough, and sure sometimes new relationships fail. But this by no means indicates her wanting you.(sorry). Now if you are interested someday down the road in calling her just to reconnect, thats ok. But I would say not until you are over her. Also if there is a chance for you to be with her, dont you want it to be when she is free and single? Dont be the "new" rebound guy for this new relationship. the best you can do is move on, She will in fact get in touch with you if she decides that is what she wants!

Sorry you are without the one you love, best wishes to you.

[kantore]

Don't call her... wait till she calls you. If she does not call you, forget

 

about her. Ex's are not even worth your or my time.

 

I have not spoken with my ex in over a month, and now I feel like I have

 

regained something I lost.

 

Even though my ex and I were only together for 3.5 years, I feel great

 

 

not contacting her.

 

Anyway one day they will realize what they lost, and if you still feel the

 

way you do, then maybe it was meant to be. But wait till she contacts

 

you, that way you do not have to go through any more heart ache and

 

disapointment.

 

Besides there are not to many good guys out there, and these girls need

 

to realize this. But we have to give them the room and freedom to find

 

out for themselves. 8)

[Juanski]

I am new to the forum, but not new to the situation you are finding yourself in.

 

My advice: Let it go. The past is just that, the past and should stay that way. Trying to recapture something you had never turns out quite the way you wanted it to and can ruin a great memory. Its been my experience that the memory of a relationship tends to be more romanticized than the real thing.

 

I had a girlfriend I was living with for two and a half years, she was who I expected to marry, have kids with, and grow old together. That all changed when she left me for her college sweetheart. I spent the next five years trying to get her back in my life and failed at it.

IF she thought of me fondly after the break up, she didn't anymore.

I ended up getting over her with the help of a good councilor and just making new friends.

 

 

Juanski

[cd1011607306450]

Thanks for the advice.

 

I did call her last thursday eveing and there was no response. I then sent her a text message saying i called to see how she was and hoped her and her family were well. Nothing again. I was gutted and thought she was ignoring me. Then four days later she calls me and we talk for 45 mins and have a chat about lots of things. I was not needy nor mentioned our relationship. I was very confident and told her about how well i was doing. She agreed to meet me for a drink but i am not reading anything into it. She has not called me for 4 months and she never showed any sign of regret or missing me when we talked. It looks like she has totaly moved on. I will meet her for a drink and be very friendly and perhaps ask her if she is truly happy the way we were. I will not be needy or beg her to come back. Instead i might tell her that if in the future we find each other or if she regrets her decision then we could start again, more committed to each other.

 

It does not look good for me. Why did she not miss me after 7 years? Why does she not think of the good times? Why is 7 years so easy to cast aside? I doubt i will ever know the answers.

 

Thank you for your advice.

 

 

CD101.