Best Dating Apps for Career Women Over 30?

[Wiseman2]

13 hours ago, bluecastle said:

. Met some meh people, met some great people, some questionable people. Had dates and brief dating runs that were fun, forgettable, awful, edifying, painful and pleasurable. 

Actually it does, because as you mentioned, you went through a lot of trial and error and that costs a lot of time, energy, money and wear and tear.

Not everyone one wants years of meh, awful, forgettable and painful while they search for a match.

It's like anything else maybe you'll get lucky as you did on bumble, but there are specific ways to cut down on wear and tear and burnout which are the worst part of online dating.

For example, I would never waste time on tinderellas or other assorted scammers catfish and trash. Just like you're not going to find Giselle Bundchen at walmart.

[Batya33]

4 hours ago, mylolita said:

But, as a woman, you will feel much more special if approached in real life. I think it’s very important and weeds out anyone who isn’t that invested or is only interested in a mild way.

So with meeting people through dating site the approach is when he asks you out on a first date.  I liked being "approached" but to me it's incredibly important for a woman to be in a situation where there is less focus on 'approach" so she can be selective -so it's an environment where people naturally approach each other.  I felt desired when the man asked me out on a date.  I didn't care who approached each other first or if there was any approach -if you're volunteering together backstage at community theater like several of my friends and my ex boyfriend did -romance can blossom -or close friendships -because you're all working together.  

Technically I approached my husband first.  I knew he was one of the new employees.  I knew he knew no one as his start date was different than the others, so at the huge welcome breakfast for new employees (I'd started 6 weeks earlier) I approached him (ironically it was Halloween 1994).  I crossed the crowded conference room and introduced myself and told him I'd realized we'd grown up near each other (we were given the bios of all the new employees -no stalking behavior on my part LOL). 

He was very shy back then and was thankful to be welcomed.  I'm truly not sure if he'd ever have approached me. 

It was crowded, we worked on separate floors in separate departments, he didn't have my bio and he was incredibly shy.  He did I think approach me the next time there was a company event but who cares- it's not about that.

Yes, he asked me out the first time - no I wouldn't have asked him out. No he never would have expected me to ask him out.  

I think it's really important for women -especially women who are more traditional about dating and courting like me -to not push back the timing of what a man must do to show interest.  Especially for women in their 30s, waiting around to be "approached" like it's some sort of game can mean no approaches or approaches by the wrong sort.  

[boltnrun]

I went where the men were. It was actually inadvertently. I just happen to be legitimately interested in things men like due to growing up with all brothers (no sisters). I like American football, cars and auto racing. So I was always at car shows, sports games and I worked for a car component manufacturer. I also played on coed sports teams. I got approached a LOT because women at those sorts of events are rare. And men liked that I could actually converse in a knowledgeable way about those topics.

I never did dating sites because I was getting a lot of attention at the events I went to. And I'm no beauty, trust me!

So that's what I recommend. To supplement your dating site activity, go where the men are.

[Wiseman2]

Everyone knows you can meet people in real life, of course. Your question is which dating apps are best for professional women in their 30s and paid exclusive apps are best for that. The key is to minimize the wear and tear of whatever riffraff is on free apps.

[JoyfulCompany]

17 hours ago, lostandhurt said:

Next is that some sites do better in different parts of the country.  I would do some research on what works best in southern California as there are reviews for everything these days.  Average things out and it will narrow your search.

This.
Why? Number of users and culture of users.
- Different apps have different popularity around the world, i.e. where I live chances to meet someone local on Bumble are very slim, as opposed to Tinder and OkCupid (to some extent).

- I read somewhere (was it here?) that same app is used differently in different areas, depending on the dating culture there, i.e. Tinder is used primarily as a hookup app at one place and as a regular dating app elsewhere. Where I live a lot of people met on Tinder and got into serious RSs or even got married but, again, I live in another part of the world.

There's nothing wrong trying to see how you feel with OLD. It's not for everyone but it also doesn't cut the chances of meeting someone in real life. Have fun, be safe and good luck.

[mylolita]

19 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Everyone knows you can meet people in real life, of course. Your question is which dating apps are best for professional women in their 30s and paid exclusive apps are best for that. The key is to minimize the wear and tear of whatever riffraff is on free apps.

I think online dating is overtaking if not overtaken real life organic meet ups.

 

It seems rare to find someone 35 and under who hasn’t been on them, even for a week!

 

I am just saying, as an alternative, maybe we don’t need the dating apps? Maybe life isn’t too busy? Maybe we just prioritise other things? We think we can ease and convenience finding a husband or wife or other? Sometimes people seem to get it right! 
 

I say, don’t just rely on dating sites. I think this is the crutch of them. You get all your attention and interaction and messaging and dates through them and there is so many that sometimes people forget you can make an effort out in the real world too! 
 

I would ask the question - why do you think you need an online dating profile and online dating site? What are you looking for?

 

I think another poster made a similar point of writing down or thinking deeply about what you really want out of the dating site, and what you really want in a relationship. 
 

I mean of course there are sec and dating sites for just about any niche now! Fetish ones, age related ones, sugar daddy and sugar baby, blondes, ones specified to interests or people who only have university degrees, you can go on and on. If that’s how you want to approach dating I am sure OP it is a quick Google, choose a picture and write your profile and away you go!

 

x

[Batya33]

2 hours ago, boltnrun said:

I went where the men were. It was actually inadvertently. I just happen to be legitimately interested in things men like due to growing up with all brothers (no sisters). I like American football, cars and auto racing. So I was always at car shows, sports games and I worked for a car component manufacturer. I also played on coed sports teams. I got approached a LOT because women at those sorts of events are rare. And men liked that I could actually converse in a knowledgeable way about those topics.

I never did dating sites because I was getting a lot of attention at the events I went to. And I'm no beauty, trust me!

So that's what I recommend. To supplement your dating site activity, go where the men are.

My professional interests were more male oriented but I was not into sports or cars.  I did join a casual sort of fun football game that met weekly at our local city park (if I am describing that right) but honestly it was too obvious I was just there to meet men - I didn't have any interest in playing.  However when I went on dates with men who were fans of a certain sports team I did my homework before - so I could talk about the Rose Bowl etc.  I was honest that I'd done so and at least one guy complimented me for my efforts!

But yes I went where the single people were - it was part of my proactive stuff in finding the right guy for me.  It's essential IMO -dating apps can be part but not all of the efforts.

[boltnrun]

Oh yeah, I definitely don't recommend pretending to be interested in something if you're truly not. Some men thought I was just there to try to snag one of them but when I was able to converse in a knowledgeable way they saw my interest was legitimate. 

I dated a guy who got really obsessed with skydiving. I could not have been less interested. He ended up with a woman who shared his interest. Which made sense because I surely wasn't going to pretend to care lol!

As for the original question, my suggestions were intended as a supplement to dating sites, not in place of them.

[Batya33]

3 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

Oh yeah, I definitely don't recommend pretending to be interested in something if you're truly not. Some men thought I was just there to try to snag one of them but when I was able to converse in a knowledgeable way they saw my interest was legitimate. 

I dated a guy who got really obsessed with skydiving. I could not have been less interested. He ended up with a woman who shared his interest. Which made sense because I surely wasn't going to pretend to care lol!

As for the original question, my suggestions were intended as a supplement to dating sites, not in place of them.

Yes I agree with all!  I declined to date someone who talked to his guinea pig in the background while we were on the phone deciding whether to meet.  Some months later I heard that a friend of a friend was dating him seriously and had expressed some concerns about his attachments to guinea pigs.  Last I checked they've been married for years!  Cover for every pot.....

[mylolita]

It’s got suddenly so complicated, right?

 

Where are the days you just slid into the bar and got hit on? Or had a guy slide you his number at the supermarket? Or asked you out at uni? Or, I met him at my best friends wedding? 
 

I don’t know whether I’m ready for this brave new world of apps and profiles! 
 

I will leave this one to the experts! 🫡🤣

 

Best of luck OP - I am sure there are professional over 30 dating sites! 
 

I would still dip your toe in the real world from time to time!

 

x
 

 

[mylolita]

2 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Yes I agree with all!  I declined to date someone who talked to his guinea pig in the background while we were on the phone deciding whether to meet.  Some months later I heard that a friend of a friend was dating him seriously and had expressed some concerns about his attachments to guinea pigs.  Last I checked they've been married for years!  Cover for every pot.....

Bl**dy hell 🤣

 

 

 

[boltnrun]

36 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Yes I agree with all!  I declined to date someone who talked to his guinea pig in the background while we were on the phone deciding whether to meet.  Some months later I heard that a friend of a friend was dating him seriously and had expressed some concerns about his attachments to guinea pigs.  Last I checked they've been married for years!  Cover for every pot.....

On the opposite side I will not date a man who has no interest in the sports I enjoy. My Sundays are spent watching football and NASCAR. Any man I date needs to be right there with me cheering and cursing lol. I will compromise by adding participation in additional sports such as fishing or tennis but I won't give mine up.

OP, what are your interests? Are there dating sites geared toward those? Are there groups you could join to meet others who share your interests?

[moodindigo91]

21 hours ago, Cherylyn said:

I'm old school.  The best way to meet people is in person.  Put yourself out there in society in person such as special interest organizations of your choice.  Or, network through friends and family as they've already done their homework for you.  Despite this Internet world, it's still better to meet people in real life.  People in real life are better to know than misconstrued electronic communication between two people. 

Generally, when you meet men or a man in person,  you can immediately sense whether or not you're interested in him as opposed to going back and forth electronically.  Something is lost behind a computer screen.  In person is still the best. 

I agree! I have met all my previous partners in person or through blind dates set up by friends, of course, in person. They have all been fine. I think for me, what appeals about the dating app possibility is that I can find people (of course depending on the app) people who are looking to date for a serious relationship from the start. I by no means plan to make it my only means of meeting men, just as a way to expand the pool of men I am able to meet. Most of my current friends are in relationships of their own so if I hang out with them it's not really likely that I'm at a place where I'm going to meet men. I don't really drink and therefore don't really go out to bars. Going to bars is also expensive and I live alone and have a dog so it just seems like a waste of my time and money in most cases unless I'm going with someone. 

20 hours ago, bluecastle said:

Me, perhaps because I came of age in a pre-app world, I think of the apps like going out to a bar, a party, a whatever/wherever lots of people are. Y

All of which is to say I'd recommend using the apps, trying a few out, seeing how it all feels for you, and not spending too much time thinking about them. 

Thank you! The anecdote about treating it like a bar is exactly how I was thinking of approaching it. 

3 hours ago, boltnrun said:

I went where the men were. It was actually inadvertently. I just happen to be legitimately interested in things men like due to growing up with all brothers (no sisters). I like American football, cars and auto racing.

So that's what I recommend. To supplement your dating site activity, go where the men are.

 

11 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

OP, what are your interests? Are there dating sites geared toward those? Are there groups you could join to meet others who share your interests?

Haha yes! As I mentioned in my original post (I think), I am a decently attractive woman who tends to get attention from men in any event. A lot of it is from men I don't ever care to date, which I expect will be the same if I join a dating app. 

I do go where the men are in a way. I work as an attorney, a predominantly male profession. So when I attend work-related events or you know, I've joined bar associations, and other types of related organizations that host events which I will attend. Most of my co-workers are married to other attorneys. I also work closely with medical professionals so maybe I'll meet a handsome doctor one day lol a girl can dream. 

I also go to the gym 4-6 days a week, this is where I meet most of the other men I come across. I really don't see myself dating a guy who doesn't lift weights at this point in my life. I am really into the UFC and am considering POSSIBLY going to bars to watch fights just to mix and mingle with men who share that interest, although I do prefer to watch those at home. 

I know for sure I will not date a man who doesn't really like dogs since I have a huge one. I enjoy hockey enough to go to games. I enjoy American football as well. I also enjoy spending time at the beach, hiking, traveling, etc. I would like a man with similar interests. 

[JoyfulCompany]

2 hours ago, mylolita said:

Where are the days you just slid into the bar and got hit on? Or had a guy slide you his number at the supermarket? Or asked you out at uni? Or, I met him at my best friends wedding?

In my 20s 😢
😁

[Batya33]

1 hour ago, moodindigo91 said:

I agree! I have met all my previous partners in person or through blind dates set up by friends, of course, in person. They have all been fine. I think for me, what appeals about the dating app possibility is that I can find people (of course depending on the app) people who are looking to date for a serious relationship from the start. I by no means plan to make it my only means of meeting men, just as a way to expand the pool of men I am able to meet. Most of my current friends are in relationships of their own so if I hang out with them it's not really likely that I'm at a place where I'm going to meet men. I don't really drink and therefore don't really go out to bars. Going to bars is also expensive and I live alone and have a dog so it just seems like a waste of my time and money in most cases unless I'm going with someone. 

Thank you! The anecdote about treating it like a bar is exactly how I was thinking of approaching it. 

 

Haha yes! As I mentioned in my original post (I think), I am a decently attractive woman who tends to get attention from men in any event. A lot of it is from men I don't ever care to date, which I expect will be the same if I join a dating app. 

I do go where the men are in a way. I work as an attorney, a predominantly male profession. So when I attend work-related events or you know, I've joined bar associations, and other types of related organizations that host events which I will attend. Most of my co-workers are married to other attorneys. I also work closely with medical professionals so maybe I'll meet a handsome doctor one day lol a girl can dream. 

I also go to the gym 4-6 days a week, this is where I meet most of the other men I come across. I really don't see myself dating a guy who doesn't lift weights at this point in my life. I am really into the UFC and am considering POSSIBLY going to bars to watch fights just to mix and mingle with men who share that interest, although I do prefer to watch those at home. 

I know for sure I will not date a man who doesn't really like dogs since I have a huge one. I enjoy hockey enough to go to games. I enjoy American football as well. I also enjoy spending time at the beach, hiking, traveling, etc. I would like a man with similar interests. 

I love so much about this post -what you wrote, how you expressed yourself, the self-knowledge and how realistic your perspective is.  You're going to do great.  Also happy to PM with you if it will help.  

[Batya33]

2 minutes ago, JoyfulCompany said:

In my 20s 😢
😁

Teens and 20s, a bit into my 30s.  But that's because I relocated that ten miles to the major city teeming with singles as soon as I finished grad school.  

OP on my facebook mom group a woman in her 30s-ish posted today that she's newly divorced with 4 kids -3 of them quite young - and just started with dating apps and is already discouraged.  I cannot imagine trying to date with 4 kids at home so I guess there are degrees of "complicated."  I wished her the best as well.  

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, moodindigo91 said:

I am really into the UFC. I have a huge one. I enjoy hockey enough to go to games. I enjoy American football as well. I also enjoy spending time at the beach, hiking, traveling, etc. I would like a man with similar interests. 

These are all things you can put in a dating profile, along with a few good pics. Avoid picking men up in bars, though.

[moodindigo91]

23 hours ago, Batya33 said:

OP on my facebook mom group a woman in her 30s-ish posted today that she's newly divorced with 4 kids -3 of them quite young - and just started with dating apps and is already discouraged.  I cannot imagine trying to date with 4 kids at home so I guess there are degrees of "complicated."  I wished her the best as well.  

That's a tough one! I hear it is hard enough dating with 1 kid let alone 4! I find it hard to date and I only have a dog (although she is pretty large and intimidating on first glance haha) - wishing her the best! 

[Wiseman2]

On 10/5/2022 at 5:53 PM, lostandhurt said:

Oh and I almost forgot that you are going to get way more pics of guys junk then you could imagine.  Don't ask me why they think it will work but they send them anyways

[Wiseman2]

On 10/5/2022 at 12:23 PM, moodindigo91 said:

 I am also interested in dating to marry at this point. I guess the dating app would be for that purpose, because I can easily find casual dates/hookups without an app. 

As mentioned, paid apps aren't about guaranteed Mr Right, but some of the quality ones do a lot of the screening for you and get rid of the nonsense. And again, avoiding burnout is the key. Match is the most popular, but they don't screen for anything and members can be married.

Also you're going to have to decide if you want to casual sex or dating that leads to relationships because again you can just hop on tinder and free apps if casual is your goal.

"For instance, eHarmony has been known to close accounts if they discover any of the following conditions: Member is married (not legally divorced) Member's personal information does not coincide with information listed in public record. Member's behavior violated eHarmony's Terms and Conditions of Service"

[Batya33]

Also I made it clear in my profile and up front that my goal was marriage and family. And if I didn’t see that in the guy’s profile I moved on. Very few men lied to me - one did so I cancelled our first meet - and I had a lot of responses plus specific responses that my directness about my general goals was appreciated. Also they quickly  learned I was financially independent with a very good job so it wasn’t “looking for a wallet “

[moodindigo91]

On 10/8/2022 at 3:59 AM, Batya33 said:

Also I made it clear in my profile and up front that my goal was marriage and family. And if I didn’t see that in the guy’s profile I moved on. Very few men lied to me - one did so I cancelled our first meet - and I had a lot of responses plus specific responses that my directness about my general goals was appreciated. Also they quickly  learned I was financially independent with a very good job so it wasn’t “looking for a wallet “

Yesss! I will definitely be doing this! I am going to do some more research about which dating apps are popular in my area as suggested and go from there! 

[Wiseman2]

8 minutes ago, moodindigo91 said:

 I am going to do some more research about which dating apps are popular in my area as suggested and go from there! 

If you are between LA and SD you're in a very populous area so you don't need to search for "popular" apps. You need to search for apps that suit your needs.

Do not state "looking for marriage" on a dating profile. It invites scammers and doesn't mean anything because let's face it, dating is to meet people and decide if you two are a good fit, not an arranged marriage site used in those cultures. it sounds desperate like anything with a pulse will do if they will walk down an aisle.

If you avoid free and hookup apps it will be clear that you're not interested in just bouncing bodies for fun and games.

[moodindigo91]

4 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

If you are between LA and SD you're in a very populous area so you don't need to search for "popular" apps. You need to search for apps that suit your needs. Do not state "looking for marriage" on a dating profile. It invites scammers and doesn't mean anything because let's face it, dating is to meet people and decide if you two are a good fit, not an arranged marriage site used in those cultures. If you avoid free and hookup apps it will be clear that you're not interested in just bouncing bodies for fun and games.

Haha thanks, the advice is appreciated. I think you take things a little too literally sometimes. I am not going to make a profile with big red letters in all caps "LOOKING FOR MARRIAGE" haha 

I think I know how to be a little more nuanced. 😉

I think researching "popular" apps is actually an important aspect in finding the app that suits my needs. Part of that, in my mind, is figuring out what apps professional men looking for serious relationships in my area are using. I am still a ways away from making any profiles anyway. I am getting busier and busier at work and have a lot of new deadlines and I have actually been enjoying a casual relationship at this moment. I am excited about the possibility of getting back out there though when I have more time! Or maybe I need to make the time, like going to the gym lol ugh 

[Batya33]

55 minutes ago, moodindigo91 said:

Haha thanks, the advice is appreciated. I think you take things a little too literally sometimes. I am not going to make a profile with big red letters in all caps "LOOKING FOR MARRIAGE" haha 

I think I know how to be a little more nuanced.

I checked off the marriage box and I believe my profile said I am looking for marriage and family.  If you are not that's fine and please go to the next profile." 

I got many messages.  Some didn't read my profile but most did.  Yes -be direct about your goals and intentions.  A person that scares off is not for you. Scary is talking about marriage with that person specifically too early.  That comes across as overeager/desperate IMO.

I'll share an example.  A man I know in his early 30s is getting married this weekend.  I read their "story" on their wedding registry.  He is handsome and his wife is beautiful -she could model.  Same age-ish as him.  Apparently she moved here to our city a couple of years ago.  her boss's husband knew of the groom (the son of a friend of his) and wanted to set them up.  Apparently the "groom" said he would love to meet her but only if she was serious minded -he was looking for marriage.  This was conveyed and they met. 

And from all I can tell from their few year courtship they're happy and do a lot of fun stuff together.  Apparently his full on "I want marriage" was just the thing.  Because apparently this is what she wanted too -so why would that be overwhelming?