My boyfriend is depressed over he’s ex but I’m pregnant

[Pregantone]

Hi everyone I know this is probably the most ridiculous post you’ve read but I feel like I’m going mad.  I got with my boyfriend 9 month ago,he’d been out of a 10 year relationship 3 month before I got with him ( rebound I know that now ) anyway things were great at the start seeing each other every single day from day one,me practically living with him,after around 4 month he started acting a little distant and I just brushed it off then new year came around and I found out I was pregnant but he didn’t say anything to suggest he wanted me to get a abortion so I’ve decided to keep it.  Now he’s severely depressed he barely wants to spend time with me anymore but I think he’s only with me because I’m pregnant. Then I’m hearing from people that my boyfriend is depressed over he’s ex and he wanted to get back with her before I found out I was pregnant!! I asked him about it and he said no! But I can just tell by the way he answered that what I’ve heard about he’s ex is true! This pregnancy was accidental but I just thought he was happy but now I think he’s been to scared to say anything because how excited I was. My life is a complete mess I’m past the stage for abortion now as I’m 20 weeks and now I think my boyfriend is only with me because I’m pregnant and he doesn’t love me after all!! I know a baby won’t make him love me even though he tells me he loves me when I say it but it just doesn’t feel genuine when he says it 😢I can just feel like he would rather be with her than me and he feels stuck! We argue quite a lot now over petty things,he’s so down and he doesn’t sleep so I know he’s got a lot on he’s mind but so have I!! I’ve asked him what’s wrong and he just shrugs it off saying he’s fine 

[Wiseman2]

Do you live together?

[Seraphim]

1 hour ago, Pregantone said:

Hi everyone I know this is probably the most ridiculous post you’ve read but I feel like I’m going mad.  I got with my boyfriend 9 month ago,he’d been out of a 10 year relationship 3 month before I got with him ( rebound I know that now ) anyway things were great at the start seeing each other every single day from day one,me practically living with him,after around 4 month he started acting a little distant and I just brushed it off then new year came around and I found out I was pregnant but he didn’t say anything to suggest he wanted me to get a abortion so I’ve decided to keep it.  Now he’s severely depressed he barely wants to spend time with me anymore but I think he’s only with me because I’m pregnant. Then I’m hearing from people that my boyfriend is depressed over he’s ex and he wanted to get back with her before I found out I was pregnant!! I asked him about it and he said no! But I can just tell by the way he answered that what I’ve heard about he’s ex is true! This pregnancy was accidental but I just thought he was happy but now I think he’s been to scared to say anything because how excited I was. My life is a complete mess I’m past the stage for abortion now as I’m 20 weeks and now I think my boyfriend is only with me because I’m pregnant and he doesn’t love me after all!! I know a baby won’t make him love me even though he tells me he loves me when I say it but it just doesn’t feel genuine when he says it 😢I can just feel like he would rather be with her than me and he feels stuck! We argue quite a lot now over petty things,he’s so down and he doesn’t sleep so I know he’s got a lot on he’s mind but so have I!! I’ve asked him what’s wrong and he just shrugs it off saying he’s fine 

There is breaking up and co parenting . Don’t raise kids in loveless relationships. As parents you are the models for how relationships and love work. 

[Lambert]

I am so sorry.

But! I think you have to do what's best for the baby now.

Which would be for you to co-parent, not as a romantic couple or giving the baby up for adoption.

Either way, you need to let this guy go... for your sake. You deserve better. It will hurt but in the long run, it's better.

I'm sorry. 

[SooSad33]

He is not fine 😕 

He is messed up inside, for sure.  He had no idea, his rebound would get prego!

I hope you are not living with him?  You don't want to hang there, with a man who;s so messed up at this time in his life.. he will continue to be miserable.

Yeah, as rebound.. he was not yet over the break up of his last relationship.. was selfish of him to go running into the arms of another woman so fast.

I suggest you do have a place of your own.. and I guess you two will be tied from now on, due to having this child... unless he chooses not to have anything much to do with it... in which case, you can totally walk away and say you do not know father of the baby... or you go see a lawyer & set up visitation & support when child arrives.

So, you have a few choices.. BUT you need to learn what he wants in this.. so you both understand what to do now.

[LotusBlack]

My now-husband and I were only together 3 months when I got pregnant. He had not been in a relationship for years and nor had I, so that element is unlike your situation, however, he married me (at 7 months pregnant) out of duty (not because it was socially expected or anything, but because of practical reasons). At the time, I was unaware of that and got married because I love him. It has lead to a world of pain and challenges in our relationship and marriage.

Our son is now 14 months old and it sucks to be the person in the marriage who loves and not the person who is loved (though it should go both ways, of course!). Your boyfriend was not emotionally available to you when you got pregnant and he definitely isn’t at this point in time.

I would separate from him BEFORE the baby is born so that you and he can develop a clear co-parenting relationship and set boundaries, now, so that things don’t become muddled and confused later on, particularly as once baby is here there will be added stress and challenges just in learning how to cope with everything. And you will save yourself a world of heartache by setting those boundaries now, before you become more emotionally invested and disappointed when your expectations are not met.
 

[Wiseman2]

Hopefully you live at home with supportive family and they'll help you with being a single parent.

Keep in mind, if it's his, he'll have to pay child support but he doesn't have to support you.

Are you working? Do you have healthcare? Also keep in mind that a pregnancy will never keep a man around.