What's wrong with me?????

[wenrob]

I have a problem I've been dealing with for some time now. It started when I was 4 years old & I was molested by my uncle. Then another uncle, then an aunt, then a babysitter....this went on nearly everyday until I was 10 years old. I am an adult now and have 3 children of my own that I love dearly. I have been with the father of my children off & on for the past 5 years. I love him with all my heart, but I have done some terrible things and I fear I have destroyed our relationship. Because of my abuse I had become very permiscuous in my teenage years. This carried over into my adult life. Eventhough I love my kids dad with all my heart I have pretty much destroyed any trust or respect he has for me because I have repeatedly went outside our relationship and got involved with other men. It's not like I even really wanted to. It's just that I'm always getting aproached, someone is always trying to get with me & I confuse it for something else. I sometimes feel obligated to have sex with men that I don't really want to have sex with for fear that they won't like me. Why do I care if they like me when I have such a wonderful loving man waiting patiently for me at home? (Not anymore) It don't make sense. I can't explain it to him so he will understand because I don't understand it myself. Because of this he feels I will never change and that I can't be trusted. I have hurt him so bad and I don't know what to do to prove to him that it wasn't ever about hurting him. What's wrong with me? I'm to old for this!!! How can I stop this distructive behavior? Any suggestions?

[highonyou]

i think this is all stemming from your childhood. you were taken advantage of and it is affecting the way u see other people. you do not owe any one sex whatsoever!

 

do you know what you're doing when you are chasing other men?

 

i too was abused as a child and know that i am very insecure and develope a dependence on stable boyfriends

 

i think it would be best to talk to the father of your children, ask for his help to get you out of this way of thinking

[DN]

You need to see a psychologist or psychiatrist to help you understand why you behave like this so that you can stop doing it. Your husband will need assurance that this will not happen again if he takes you back and that will take a lot of doing.

 

No matter how sympathetic or understanding of your problems he is or would be; it would be unreasonable to expect him to stay with you if you do the same thing - no matter what the cause.