Am I being unreasonable about my husband's hygiene?

[glamguru]

On 2/15/2021 at 9:12 AM, Clio said:

He was like that when you met him so, imo, you don't have the right to get upset about it.  You have every right to uphold your personal boundaries, but resenting him for it when you knew about it right from the get go is not fair imo.  It was your informed choice to marry him.  You need to reframe your thoughts about it in your mind so that you do/ask him what is right for you without resenting him in the process.

Thanks for commenting. I think it’s fair to not resent him. I try and reframe it by seeing him as struggling instead of rebelling. 

[Hollyj]

11 minutes ago, glamguru said:

A bit of both. There are times when he approaches me and it’s been 24+ hours since his last shower and teeth brushing (never more than 48) and well that’s a no... whether morning or night. But yeah I am hypersensitive and that’s something I had to come to conclusion with after reflecting. I can notice even faint scents. I can smell peoples natural body scents even if they’re not offensive or loud. I told him that because of this, it would help if he sprinzes some cologne in the AM (on the nightstand). So in short, showering everyday just once , brushing twice a day and a bit of cologne in the am is all I ask for. He still can’t do that...

I don't think you are asking for much.  I would expect the same.  Not brushing teeth for two days.  beyond disgusting.  What are his teeth like?  Does he see a dentist?

 

[Hollyj]

If he does not shower or brush his teeth, then no sex.   

He is an adult, the behavior cannot be excused due to his childhood.

What is he "struggling" with?  

[Rose Mosse]

In your original post it sounded like he had morning breath but this a lot different if he hasn't even brushed his teeth the night before. I think you should be tactful and kind and tell him that you'd love to get closer to him if he'd freshen up more often. You don't have to go so far back to issues in your childhood. I don't think you are being too critical. If you can't be honest with your family (ie your husband) what is the whole point of marriage in the first place. Be honest with him and don't be afraid to speak up.

It's strange that you both are so different but if you're committed to your marriage, I hope you both can commit to working this through.

[glamguru]

On 3/14/2021 at 4:04 AM, Rose Mosse said:

In your original post it sounded like he had morning breath but this a lot different if he hasn't even brushed his teeth the night before. I think you should be tactful and kind and tell him that you'd love to get closer to him if he'd freshen up more often. You don't have to go so far back to issues in your childhood. I don't think you are being too critical. If you can't be honest with your family (ie your husband) what is the whole point of marriage in the first place. Be honest with him and don't be afraid to speak up.

It's strange that you both are so different but if you're committed to your marriage, I hope you both can commit to working this through.

 

Hey! Yeah so it's been like 8 months since my post and I wanted to respond to this as well as give an update. The issue completely resolved itself about 2-3 months after I posted this. I really do think it was a self-esteem issue and since i've started to give positive reinforcement and our relationship has strengthened in many ways, I think he started believing in himself more which resulted in him caring for himself more. He now cares about his hairstyles and outfit choices, which is nice to see. I always give him positive reinforcement, which is encouraging him to care more. Appreciate all your inputs!