Confused husband

[Tennessee tommy]

It's going to be a long read, but I promise to be open and honest. Married for almost 6 year's wife has 3 boys before we got together and since we've had 1 boy together. We wanted another child but due to a bad miscarriage I ended up getting a Vasectomy this was about 3 years ago, we both agreed we were done having kids at that point. Our sex life has changed, she had me pulling out to cum almost every time very rare to not have to pull out. Which has bothered me some after having a Vasectomy and most recently she has given up on giving any oral ( which didn't happen all that much anyways )due to her thinking she has an allergic reaction to my fluids her face swelled up not sure why and since started using protection as well. About a month ago we had a heart to heart talk and I came out to her about being bi curious, which she really likes, I didn't talk to her in fear of her reaction but after it was a huge weight off my chest. Sex was off the charts good for a little over a month then went back to more normal ( once to twice a week ). So we had talked about finding another bi guy for us to share which hasn't worked out, met a nice guy online but nothing happened other than chatting and adding him on social media. I pretty much have given up on doing anything with another man and my wife has been the one to coach (push) me to finding a guy. About 3 weeks ago I started having erection problems  and not wanting sex, which has went back to more normal actions. More recently the last month she has been talking about wanting another baby (our youngest is turning 5) and finding a donor which we don't have the money for the medical method of insemination. Which brings me to last night during us being intimate she brought up that she wants me to find a guy for me, I asked her why and she said she didn't want to hold me back and then said that we could both find a boy friend.... Which shocked me due to her saying this was for me and about me and suddenly it has changed to her having a straight boyfriend ( I feel it's got a lot to do with her wanting to get pregnant, thinking I can't get mad if I agree to what she wants.... I did ask how she would like it if I wanted another woman instead as it did upset me her reply was as long as she didn't know about it that it wouldn't bother her. I am at a total lose as what to do I don't mind the thought of us bringing in a guy every once in a while for us or her but I truly don't want either of us to be in a relationship with someone else.  Not sure if I'm leaving anything out open to any questions or real advise.

[DancingFool]

I'm sorry but it sounds like your wife is completely checked out of the marriage and has been so for quite some time. To put it simply, she is not a monogamous kind of a person and if she lead you to believe that she is, she lied. 

If she hasn't cut a new pony out of the herd yet, she is certainly actively looking for one. Be it with your blessing, aka open marriage, or behind your back, it's really only a matter of time. You need to decide if this is actually acceptable to you or not. If it's not acceptable, then I suggest you free her to pursue whatever by getting a divorce and don't drag your feet on that too long. The longer you stay married, the greater the financial consequences to you.

[MissCanuck]

7 minutes ago, DancingFool said:

I'm sorry but it sounds like your wife is completely checked out of the marriage and has been so for quite some time.

That's my impression as well. 

 

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, Tennessee tommy said:

I came out to her about being bi curious. she brought up that she wants me to find a guy for me. it has changed to her having a straight boyfriend.

So what did you decide on?

[Tennessee tommy]

I have pushed off any type of seeking of anyone as I'm more focused on my marriage