I don't know what to do...HELP

[heartbroken23]

I don't know why all of a sudden i am feeling so crappy, but I am ...I inititaed NC with the EX about a month ago and I am doing so well, no urge to get in contact. But lately i have been thinking of her more and more. I feel like I am in a catch 22...no win situation. I initiated NC because I felt I had to, not because I wanted to. You see, I do desperatley want to get back together with my ex, but she is with someone. She always gave me mixed signals and littlle signs of hope, but her being with someone hurt me too much, therfore NC. We were together for 5 years and now broken up about a year. She was with someone a few months afterwards and still is...I don't know how serious they are. But she said she loves me, does not say I love you to her new bf, and she doesnt think she is over me....I don't know what to do. She desparatley wants me to be her friend, in her life...but how can I do that? It hurts. She cried and said she was devasted when i said I could not be her friend, but I felt I need to do it. Thats why NC. But....I do want to be with her again...I am only doing NC because the less I hear from her the less pain i have, so it is like It is my only choice. But is it right to do if I want to get back together with her. I don't want to look back and think, well if I only was her friend...sucked up the pain, maybe we could have been together again. I don't want this to be an out of sight out of mind thing, or her think that I am not making the effort.

 

Sure, I was the reason we broke up, I hurt her. I fooled around when we were on a break, but she insisted we were back together because we acted like BF/GF...but we never discusssed if we are back together. Classic "We were on a break" friends episode. I guess I want to know this...what do I have to do in order to get her back...Everyone says NC is to heal, I know that it is best to do, but what if i do seriously want her back? Will NC ruin that? I mean, It has been a year since we broke up and th efriends thing didn't really work, but I was in her life a little and she saw a lot of change in me. She said all of this....

 

1. She thinks the world of me

2. Love me and always will

3. thinks of me everyday

4. Who knows what the future has in hold for us

5. She brings up stories of how a coworker of hers broke up with Bf for a year or 2 then got back together and are now married...why tell me this..it gives me hope.

 

I need opinions...sorry thi swas long and if it seems like I am always asking the same advice.

[Ms Omaniac]

im sorry youre going through this...sounds awful. the guilt and regret you must have for having "cheated" (though that is arguable) and now the constant anguish over what to do.

 

unfortunately...because you have such pain when you do talk to her...NC is your only option right now until you can talk to her and not feel pain when she talks about her current bf.

 

and she's right....further on down the line...you never know what will happen. ive seen couples eventually come back together...even the tv characters you referred to earlier...ross and rachel.

 

i do think you two might have a chance later on in life...but because she chooses another right now...you need to move on. because she was devastated when you told her you wouldnt be her friend...she will also have to think long and hard if her current bf is the one for her or if she is just kidding herself. after a long period of NC...she will know whether she was happiest with you or happy with her new bf. either choice she makes...you should accept and deal with accordingly.

 

but you continuing to talk to her only prolongs your pain and suffering AND hers. but since you are not able to (yet) be happy with her being happy...even if it means her being happy with another...dont talk to her.

[chai714]

It's normal to feel this way, especially considering the amount of time you were with her and how things ended and the whole "friendship" scenario.

 

When you're unsure what to do next, do nothing. People often act out of impulse and then end up regretting their course of action taken. You're still hurt from and on somewhat of an emotional rollercoaster, so continue NC. Also, remember that relationship spectators never get to play, they merely watch. Don't be one.

 

It may or may not be comforting to know that she's suffering just as bad as you are. You were her source of emotional fulfillment for a while, and now that has been taken away. Let things play out with this guy. Meanwhile, focus on working out and continuing self-improvement. Getting your mind off of her is the internal battle you're now facing. It's a challenge with your own mind. You can win. It takes a lot of time and changing your current behavioral patterns and way of thinking, but you can do it.

[heartbroken23]

Ms Omanic & Chai--Thank you for responding...I guess deep down I know that NC is my best option here, I don't know why I was all of a sudden thinking differently today..I guess it is part of that emotional Rollercoaster. I just don't want to have any regrest down the road of not doing something, but then again, maybe I would regret it if i did do something...(being in her life as a friend). For some reason, it is lik emy heart is telling me we will get back together, but my head is not. Maybe that is why I cannot get over her so easily. I can't get her out of my heart. I don't know if you can really "get over" or "move on"....I guess you just get used to whats going on. It is hard to get used to this because I want her back very badly, but since that is beyond my control, I guess I have to do NC.

[heartbroken23]

Ok so what about this...when I told her NC I told her to do her best not to contact me...lose my phone numbers, block me online, do whatever you have to do. She replied with this

 

"Okay, I did it even though I didnt want to.

 

I delelted every number I had for you from my phone.

 

If there was ever something urgetn I'll just call your house since that number is memorized.

 

I deleted you as a contact from msn messenger and aim and from my list of contacts on hotmail.

 

As much as I hate this I will do it for you because I care about you. So goodbye until I hear your voice again or read an email from you. =(

 

Always in my heart."

 

So what if she sticks to this...she is a very stubborn girl and it is not like she will call me or email me. What I am saying is, is it possible for her to say what she said, but eventually call or email me? By th esound of it, it is like she will never get in touch with me.....

[heartbroken23]

Ok so what about this...when I tolde her NC I told her to do her best not to contact me...lose my phone numbers, block me online, do whatever you have to do. She replied with this

 

"Okay, I did it even though I didnt want to.

 

I delelted every number I had for you from my phone.

 

If there was ever something urgetn I'll just call your house since that number is memorized.

 

I deleted you as a contact from msn messenger and aim and from my list of contacts on hotmail.

 

As much as I hate this I will do it for you because I care about you. So goodbye until I hear your voice again or read an email from you. =(

 

Always in my heart."

 

So what if she sticks to this...she is a very stubborn girl and it is not like she will call me or email me. What I am saying is, is it possible for her to say what she said, but eventually call or email me? By th esound of it, it is like she will never get in touch with me.....