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First breakup and I’m really confused


swong387

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Hello, so I just went through my first breakup about 3 weeks ago and I’m really confused with my own feelings. I tried talking to people around me and I just feel like nobody truly understands me.To anyone that replied, I truly thank you for taking your time in doing so. My story is kind of long and also keep in my me and her are both in our teens

Like I mentioned above, I broke up with my girlfriend of 8 months about 3 weeks ago. We started dating back in March (literally the week before the pandemic began) and we were a pretty happy couple, we rarely have fights and when we do we would always come to a mutual understanding. So one day out of no where she called me and told me that she can’t do it anymore, she felt like it’s unfair for me to have to deal with her families problems, she also pointed out that it’s a reoccurring thing that we don’t have things to talk about, she also said she doesn’t feel the same about me like she used to. Actually the day before we were hanging out, we got food together but because of the pandemic we could only eat at my place, my mom was coincidentally eating as well so we all sat together. For 20 minutes I was talking to my mom and I noticed my girlfriend was feeling sad. After the meal she started crying in my room because she thought I was ignoring her. I told her because she told me about her day in the car already I didn’t know what to talk about and felt awkward. And so there’s what happened seemingly out of the blue. A week afterwards I reached out and asked her if we could talk. She replied that what’s done is done and she needs at least a month before she can talk to me. I begged and pleaded. But she told me that she’s glad that we left on good terms and she wants to keep it that way. She told me that her sisters told her to block me but she refused because she still cares about me and my well-being. She also said that I didn’t make huge mistakes that led to her decision but it’s because of her feelings and situation. She told me to not wait for her or hope or anything. She also mentioned that the days following the breakup is the saddest and worst moments in her life but she has made her final decision. So me texting her to talk to me is not going to help, she asked me to move on.

The problem I’m dealing with is that I feel like the biggest problem that led to her decision was because I put her on a pedestal. I got comfortable with life and with the whole pandemic I stopped bettering myself and have minimal effort in life in general. I understand the reason  why she felt different about me, but I’m just so in shocked especially it’s something that she’s been feeling but never addressed it with me. Ever since, I have been working out twice a day, doing things I used to be passionate about and started new interest. But there’s days I feel really ironic because the reason she broke up with me is because I was being dependent, yet all my hard work to change myself still revolves around her. I would go on YouTube to look at relationship coaches and love gurus and explain how easy it is to get your ex back with no contact etc. that would motivate me and make me feel positive about the situation but when I scroll down and see people talking about not being able to contact their exes for 2 years makes me feel discouraged again. I’m trying to be better both physically and mentally but working out twice a day for 2 weeks and always reminding myself of the pain when I do just becomes so exhausting to my body and my emotions. I feel like it’s a fine line between being dedicated/showing perseverance and being foolish. I feel like it could really go either way with it. I don know if I should try and get her back (if so how), or if it really is over? I would like to ask for everyone’s opinion because being the victim makes me make emotional and irrational decisions and I could always see things from my perspective. So I sincerely ask for any help, thank you 

 

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Sorry this happened. You're right, break-ups suck and heartaches cause a lot of pain.

There seems to be a lot of factors, including the great difficulty trying to date with covid going on.

Also keep in mind that a lot of it was her stuff like her parents and other troubles.

Don't be so hard on yourself. It's actually a good thing that you can stick your neck out and date/have relationships.

Take care, try to lay back a bit and enjoy your holidays.

 

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My heart goes out to you. It doesn't really make much sense to pretzel yourself for someone else in order to keep them in your life. That's an eggshell walk, and it's exhausting.

Most young relationships are not 'forever' relationships, they are learning devices. They teach us what we want, what we don't want, and all the kinds of mistakes that can teach us how to become better partners for the day when we meet the RIGHT person.

One of the most important factors to seek for a good match is 'simpatico'. That's a personality and attraction chemistry that doesn't need to be perfect, but it's a signal that two people share a similar lens of the world. That vision is kind enough to see beyond the imperfections of the other. This is crucial, because if you can't relax and be yourself with someone, neither of you will ever truly know the other--and that's a high-stress way to live.

Maybe someday this girl will reflect and realize that she feels better about you than the minor stuff that she turned into big dealbreakers. Let's face it, someone who's not mature enough to handle a simple lunch with your Mom without tears isn't exactly relationship material at this time.

Head high, keep improving, and as you build your interests and passions, this girl will become less and less relevant. From there, if she ever reaches out again or if your paths cross in the future, you'll both have grown enough to meet again on higher ground. You can't get to that place by stagnating in the past, so good for you for striving and accomplishing small goals every day.

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