Is this normal?

[marriedmom]

Hi. This may sound odd...however--my husband seems to have very quick orgasms that are rather intense when he is hurting me by either way of sexual position or depth of penetration or both. Is this unusual for men to feel more excited when the wife is in pain from lovemaking? Is it normal for a man to get excited from his partners obvious pain? And would our significant age gap ( he is 16 years my senior) have anything to do with it? I am 29 he is 45

Thanks

[someguy69]

Maybe he's confusing your groans of pain for moans of pleasure?

 

If not, then yes... it isn't quite normal or good.

 

I know that if I confuse my girlfriends moans of pleasure for groans of pain, that I will lose my erection as if I have some sort of anti-pain switch.

[ECWhite25]

Could it just be the specific position or the depth that is what makes it more intense for him regardless of the fact that it is more painful for you?

And no, I don't think it is unusual for a man to get excited or turned on by his partner's pain. My husband for example likes to pull hair and squeeze harder than comfortable while having sex. While it is a bit painful for me, it is also a turn on because I know that he is turned on by it. It kind of works in a circle in that way and I'm not sure who is actually getting more from it.

[Day_Walker]

Well its going to depend if he knows that he is hurting you or not. If you arent communicating in the respect then its hard to say. There are people out there who find pain arrousing.

[marriedmom]

Although he wont admit it, I believe he finds my pain arousing. I have told him after these epsidoes that I did not orgasm because it hurts, and he will then affectionaly kiss me on the head and whisper that he is sorry for hurting me, stroke my face and arms and cuddle me...but then it invariably happens again.

Ok--there was this time when I was on my stomache, with him over top of me, telling him that it hurt and he has to slow down, but he started to work harder and faster until he had this rather intense orgasm.

I wasnt sure if that type of enjoyment was normal.

[Hope75]

mm,

 

Although it is a fact that some people are aroused by pain and do get off on it, it does seem to cross a line when you have clearly stated to your husband that he is causing you pain and you would like him to slow down and instead he speeds up and continues to hurt you, and then gets off on it.

 

I think the key is that both partners need to enjoy the pain on some level, and there are some that do, but although you seem to enjoy that you are pleasing your husband, you are not aroused yourself by the pain and it has on some occasions prevented you from having an orgasm.

 

I think you need to talk more seriously with your husband about this, outside of the bedroom.

 

It's not fair that you are going through this discomfort and pain for your husband's pleasure when you are being deprived of pleasure because of it.

[kenneth05]

yes, you need to have a conversation with your husband. he might be coming alot harder when you hurt, but this combination of control and eroticism on his part, at your expense, aint' a good thing.

[SPark]

Do NOT continue to put up with this. He should seek counseling. He is trying to control you and this behavior can escalate if he doesn`t check it.

 

You don`t deserve to be treated this way by anyone, but especially by your husband who is supposed to love and care for you.

 

If he won`t go to counseling, you go, get your self-esteem in order, and figure out your next step.

 

Best wishes, and feel free to send me pm if you need to talk!!

 

Jenifer

[DN]

I think both of you need to see a counsellor specialising in sexual matters.

[ECWhite25]

I agree that if he knows he is hurting you and you have expressed that you want him to slow down or stop and he won't that he is trying to control you in some way which can and does often escalate into other forms of control or possibly abuse.

I hope you can find a way to talk to him about it.