My girlfriend broke up with me my first year in college

[mrsadman]

I'm an 18 year old male who is very shy and quiet who just finished one year of college and had a my very first girlfriend who is also 18 in my second semester. She was the prettiest, smartest, nicest girl with a great personality I had ever met. I met here in my first semester but we were just friends but after hanging out with her we became more. So the next semester when I brought my car to college I asked her out, I was so nervous my hand was shaking, and luckily she said yes. The problem with us was her parents they were racist, not real racist they just didn't want their daughter dating a black guy. She was very cautious and nervous about her parents finding out so we could not go out on dates, we had to just spend time either in my dorm or somewhere in school, she lived at her house. But eventually not even time in school because she was so scared of her parents finding out that she didn't want other people to know that were together. We were actually in the same class and she didn't want me to sit next to her because she didn't want people to get any ideas. This caused a little bit of a strain maybe more than that on the relationship because we couldn't spend a lot of time together. Yet, the first month went smoothly we made time to spend together like before and after the class we had together. We also use to im each other for hours and hours and just talk about all kinds of stuff mostly about kids, marriage, and school. I did make some mistakes during that time because I'm a nervous person and we were in a nervous situation. I didn't smile all the time but I'm not a smiley person and I also maybe didn't give her all of me because of my shyness, but she stayed with me. I remember one night she lied to her parents about going to this college event but she went to my room and we made out hard for the whole three hours. That night was the best night I ever had and I pretty sure she liked it as well because that was probably the only few times I came out of my shy shell and showed her how I really act. Until the next month came around and her parents were really on her case about where she was at and where was she going. This made her even more nervous so we spent less and less time together, we actually went two weeks without having physical contact like hugging and kissing the only time I got to see her was during the class we had together and we never said anything to each other. But at that time I was in love with her and I told her that I loved her after only one month of dating. She told me that I was not in love with her because it had only been one month and I didn't know what love is because she was my first girlfriend. I told her that she was wrong and that I am really in love with her and since I couldn't spend any physical time with her I sent her emails telling her how much I loved her and how much I wanted to stay her boyfriend. She didn't get online much anymore so she didn't respond to many of emails, but I was ok with that. She told me that her sister and her friends wanted her to break with me because if she got caught she would be in big trouble. One day she imed me and it was the first time in a long time and said hey and I said hi. She then said what's wrong I said nothing but she had keen sense to know when something was wrong. I said just a little sad I haven't go to spend anytime with her. She said, I know I feel guilty because it feels like I'm not trying to make this relationship work. I said, no don't feel that way don't feel guilty. She said, I do feel guilty she then told me that she had been having bad dreams about her father catching her with me and she could not sleep. I said, ohh I'm sorry but please don't break up with me I love you. She said, I'm not I'm just telling you how I feel. The next day on her birthday I gave her gifts before she went to her night class. I gave her birthday gifts and her valentines gifts because her birthday is on the 13th of February and we wouldn't get to see each other on that Friday. We orginally planned to give each other gifts when she her night class was finished. But that night she called me and said we need to talk. She told me that she was breaking up with me I said why she said because she wants more. She could only get that more from a boyfriend who was white I guess at least I hope that what more she mean't. She then said if I keep having these bad dreams about her parents I would just fall more and more in love with her I didn't know what that really mean't so all I said, but I do love you. She said, it is not that. I said can I have a hug she said yes and after the hug she said, if my parents say he got to be white then he got to be white and I love my parents to much to do this anymore. I was so in shock that I could not say a word then she said, its not you, you were a good boyfriend for putting up with that alot of guys would have not put up with that. I looked at her dead in her eyes looking sad and with eyes watery and she looked at me I was about to cry so I left and said, I guess I will see you later and she just stared at me with a sad look too. I know it was more than just that reason she broke up with me. I'm guessing because I said I loved her only after one month, was too shy for her and she didn't want to be that serious in a relationship yet. After that night I wrote her two emails telling her how much I love her and how much I want her back but she never responded. For the next months we were in that class she barely came or she came late to class. I asked her in my third email to her could we still be friends she said yes. But then I was lying because I love her so much that could not be her friend because I couldn't stand to see her face and the see old memories of us having a good time and how now I messed up and she could no longer be mine. I couldn't even look at her while I was in class with her not because I was mad at her it was only because I have such strong feelings for her that it hurt when I looked at her and because of that she probably mad at me. My question is was their anything I could have done to lengthen the relationship we had? Right now I keep saying if I could turn back the clock I would have changed things because she was perfect. Its been four months since she broke with me and I am not at the least bit over her yet. I tried my best I would always ask her if she could go somewhere but she said she was to nervous to go. I think it was because I told her that I loved her in one month.

[Bamber432]

Wow, don't for one second think this is your fault at all. You did nothing wrong. You can't help the way you feel. I told my boyfriend within a month that I loved him. I couldn't keep it inside anymore-I needed to say it...so I did. Saying I love you is okay. It's how you felt and you can't help that. The problem was not you or her, the problem was with her parents. Some people are very ignorrant and make this world an awful place. Her parents are people like that. You can't help who you are so don't think you are at fault. She is just scared of her parents, as awful as that is, that is what ruined your relationship. Maybe one day she won't be scared of what her parents will do and choose the life that she wants to live. I'm not saying that it will happen, I'm just saying there is a possibility. But right now you need to take the blame off of you and get the "what ifs" out of your head. once you realize it was not your fault and that you don't deserve to be treated like this...maybe then you can begin the process of getting over her. I wish you the best and I pray that you never have to experience anything like that again. Just please realize this was not your fault at all.