Depressed again...

[Raven44]

Alright, I dont really know where to put this thread so since it has a lot to do with emotions I thought I would shove it here. I just recently broke up with my bf of just over 8 months, for what I thought was time for myself. Time to know who the heck I am and figure out my place in life. I love my ex; I think I am coming to realize that I am in fact still in love with him, even though I thought I wasnt. After I broke it off with him I went and met another guy; I dont really know how the heck I let myself get into going on a date with him, but it happened. This new guy now wants a realtionship with me. I thought for about a day or two that I could do that; I like him, fine sure...hes a good guy, nice etc.....But. I am still in love. It kind of dawned on me today while I was on a bus, listening to some music, and just thinking.

 

My ex and I are just on day 3 of a two month NC; and it is already torturing me. I am starting to feel depressed about what has occurred and I dont know what the heck to do. I think I need to end it with this other guy...but I dont know how! He is starting to really really like me....so now I am going to go and hurt someone else.

 

I have finally realized that I need this time....But I just dont know how to go about it. I have never been "single" as an adult....so I am rather scared....Any imput would be helpful..

 

Thanks in advance...

[MiquelAngelo]

if you don't call your ex you should stay alone ...

It isn't fair to the new guy that he's dating a woman who's in love with someone else.

 

 

[sbrew21]

I understand the heartache, and sometimes you need sometime for yourself, however, there is nothing wrong with going out with this other guy. Let him treat you well. After all you are worth it. No one said you had to fall in love with him. You have to start on what I call "rotations" Just go out with a bunch of guys. You have to treat them as your interview and not settle for any *beep*. Know your self worth and be strong about it. The more guys you go out with the more empowering it will feel. And you can decide if a guy is even worth being in your rotation. Plus you will get over this guy eventually. Just give it time and it will slowly fade. You will have some days where you feel great and others when you feel down. Have some girls nights in with some sappy movies and boy bashings and you will start to feel better. You just have to get your confidence back up. Remember you are upper level.

[ZenDreams]

I don't really agree with sbrew21. You know what, it's really not fair to this guy or to you. I think it's in your best intererst to break it off while you stll can. Otherwise you'll both get hurt. You need this time to yourself. Not with your ex, not with this guy, yourself. It woudn't be fair to any guy in the 'rotation' if you've just realized you're still in love with your ex. Follow you heart.

 

I think you really know what you need to do now. I'm sorry sbrew21 but for people trying to 'find themself', this is just not how to do it. We're all entitled to our own opinions though.

 

Edit: Just adding something - It's ok that you are in love with your ex still. What's important is you get some good quality alone time and time with your girlfriends. Aren't they the greatest? Don't break NC!

[Mun]

I need this time....But I just dont know how to go about it. I have never been "single" as an adult....so I am rather scared.......

 

I believe that we should know how to be alone before we can be with someone else. Take this 2 months and work on yourself. Do things for yourself.

 

In the meantime let this new guy know you aren't ready for a relationship. No sense in stringing him along when you know you don't want a relationship with him right now.

 

Hopefully you will get some clarity when the time is up--if not sooner .

 

Good luck

[sidhat]

Dear,

 

You shoudl better take things slow other wise you will end up hurting yourself or some1 else again.. I would say tell the other guy straight that I still have feelings for my ex and i want to take things really slow and would like to be friends.. hopefully he will understand your situation..

Try to make your self happy , straight up your life , do things you like to do most and make your room beautifull and clean,, and dont hear sad songs with gives you depression..and most important join gym and keep good diet and commit on it then you will commit and regard yourself very well.

And hopefully things will workout.

 

Good Luck,, and say good bye to depressions.

and always put smile on your face even you dont want to.

 

take care..

[blueangel]

Tell them both about the other and how you feel and your confusion. They'll be more understanding than you may think. They may even help a little.

 

Maybe agree to have with each of them... sort of a dating thing with no strings attached- meaning you can see other people at the same time until one of you knows what you want.

 

Making such a hard choice shouldnt have to be a burden on you. Even if your heart is spit in two directions, it's still always best to go with the heart... it's the only way to find out what we really want.

 

If they dont understand that, then it's simply because they refuse to. Nomatter how honest one feels they are, everyone to an extent has build an inner denial system.

 

Never let the true reasons why, the true intentions... slip. Reflection is very healthy. Keep seeing them but also get yourself away so that your mind is clear and your heart doesnt get too much in the way.

 

Our heart leads us but it is the mind that must first chose the direction.

[Raven44]

Well...I decided to end it with the new guy...I spent the day with a girlfriend and she really helped me talk it out...While I was at work I gave the new guy a call, he wasnt home so I thought I would catch him tonite online...to talk about it all....But he surprised me at work...I had to tell him then...So its over...he graciously said that it was alright and then left. We were becoming friends..so there was not a really thick bond or anything...so it is over..I feel horrible for doing this to him....but I knew it was necessiary..I need to learn myself better....

 

Thank you everyone..

[annie24]

Look, don't feel horrible. He'll get over it. If you are not ready for a relationship, or you don't like someone that much, you are doing a favor by breaking things off with them, rather than leading them on.