How do online relationships start?

[Shinobie]

Ok since ive been having bad luck with relationships out in the real world since ive never had a girlfriend or anything like that.How do online relationships begin.Like can i meet a girl through chatting and stuff?Since looks dont really matter in the beginning online so they wont have a start to judge me on being ugly and stuff.And for all u cyber geniuses and stuff who are veterans to this how did it start for you?

[cleverme123]

There are lots of places to meet someone but most you have to be 18 to join dating sites. Try a chat place like link removed it's free and there are thousands of rooms. You just go with the flow and you are bound to find someone. Just remember as I tell everyone, online you can be anyone, but when it comes to meeting in person, you can easily get a rude awakening. BE careful!

[annie24]

Ditto. You have to be 18. You can try link removed.

 

But the thing is, don't get sucked into a cyber relationship. It's good to meet online, but you have to take the relationship OFFLINE, ASAP! Don't waste your time chatting for months online, and then when you meet them in person, they are nothing like what they are online. It happens all the time.

[RayKay]

Online you can meet people in chat rooms that fall in line with your interests, on dating sites (as others said, minimum age is 18 though) and other sites like myspace.

 

I met my live in boyfriend online and it has worked out fantastically (turns out though we had mutual friends in common and competed at same races...so we might have bumped into one another).

 

But the thing is you should not think of "starting" or creating an online relationship - it should be used as more of an introduction tool. Anytime I ever tried online dating, if I was interested in someone I would meet them within a couple days to two weeks MAXIMUM. It is too easy to buil high expectations or false feelings online, and when you meet the person is not the same, whom you thought, or just plain different then expected. Until you meet it is all fantasy.

 

P.S. When I met my boyfriend, I had NO expectations of it being anything spectacular, just a date for a Saturday night, and he the same. We had chatted, but not formed a relationship of any sort really. We had only talked a week, and as veterans of online dating were tired of the game too and figured we might have fun, and that would be it. I knew within minutes I wanted to see him again, and by the end of the night I knew he was very very special. Within two weeks we were dating exclusively, a month were bf/gf, and in three months we had moved in together. So I met him even though I had little expectations, and it turns out that even if I had high expectations they would of been surpassed

 

I also had a 1.5 year relationship come out of online dating previous to this.

[PAdreamer]

The good thing about online relationships is that it is all about starting a conversation! You don't feel awkward when you just start talking to people because that's what you're EXPECTED to do! What has worked best for me is to NOT go into it with the intention of starting a romantic relationship. You just go there to make friends, and usually you realize that you really enjoy a particualr person. It's pretty neat!

[lonelynshy]

Don't do it! OK, I am a little biased because of my bad experience. But anyway, the only g/f I ever had was an online one for a couple of years. She was my age and I was really obsessively in 'love' with her. It drained my energy, I began to neglect school & family, didn't get enough sleep because I wanted to hear her voice and keep telling her how much I loved her. Boy, was I such an idiot. To cut a long story short, she found some other guy 'offline' and decided that sending me a curt email was the easiest thing to do. For her it ended in a few minutes. It took me four months and a lot of tears to get over her.

 

It's been over a year now. I am fully over her but I don't think I will ever love or trust a woman that way again.

[Shinobie]

Thanks for all your advice and ill try to take it all in.One more question?Whats the best way to start a conversation.Because they usually just say hi and i say hi back and i dont know what to say back and they usually dont say anything back after that.any ideas?

[Shinobie]

Ya do dating websites work good because i really want to meet someone that i really like.Are the woman on those sites just like the ones in regular life that all think im ugly .Cause i sure do hope women are lenient with looks on there cause it could turn out just like real life.Well this is real life but u get the point.

[lonelynshy]

If anything, women are even more stringent on dating sites when it comes to looks, than in real life. I can't tell you how MANY times I have looked at a woman's profile, marvelling at how similar her interests are to mine and then I scroll down to the "My Mate" category and there it says "Height - 5'10" to 7'11". Bummer. I'm only 5'6". I can't believe how superficial so many of them are. Imagine the uproar if we men specified a maximum weight for our ideal partner.

[annie24]

Imagine the uproar if we men specified a maximum weight for our ideal partner.

 

Trust me. Plenty do.

[RayKay]

Imagine the uproar if we men specified a maximum weight for our ideal partner.

 

Trust me. Plenty do.

 

Yup. Have to agree with Annie. I have seen on dating sites (and even heard in REAL life) men who specify weight, cup size and hair colour even.

 

 

[annie24]

Well... I guess if that's what they want, that's what they want...

[Shinobie]

So ur saying they get pretty stupid over certain things like height and even looks.Or do they go by the personsexplanation of what they want and how they see themselves.

[annie24]

go to link removed and check out people's profiles yourself.

 

When I did the online dating thing, I would get kinda weirded out if the guy didn't have ANY preferences AT ALL! So, he doesn't AT ALL care what religion she is, or if she is 8 feet tall, or if she is bald? Nothing...? It's like those guys are desperate and they'll take anything...

[lonelynshy]

Annie, height is a very consistent "personal" preference in dating profiles. In fact it is so common, I would call it a 'societal' or 'female' preference. How would you feel if ALL men specified an unreasonable maximum weight.

Otherwise, the profiles have little similarity. There are some profiles which indicate "Christian guys only". I'm fine with that, because she might be Christian and thereforeeee has a fairly valid reason for that, and not everyone demands a Christian guy. There are so many other parameters but as long as any particular one does not occur too frequently, it's fine. Height is the glaring exception. And you can't deny that it is totally absurd. Unless you want to play basketball with your boyfriend daily.

[Shinobie]

i Would put some characteristics for how i want a women to be personality wise but i wouldnt really put physical characteristics.Cause u can just judge by the picture they give u if they have one.

[annie24]

I know - I also had a height preference. 5'10" or above. My other preference: that they live within 25 miles from me. I'm simply not attracted to shorter men, and I'm not interested in a LDR. But... of course... men of all heights and from all areas went ahead and replied. Some guy from Cairo even sent me a message saying he wanted to be my phone buddy!!! I'm sorry - I don't make enough money each month to make phone calls to Egypt!!!

 

I dunno... I feel like women having a height preference is as common as men having a weight preference.

[lonelynshy]

I dunno... I feel like women having a height preference is as common as men having a weight preference.

 

If you mean that both are very common, I'll take your word for it. I have not looked at men's profiles so I don't know whether they advertise weight preferences that often.

I don't mind women who go for taller guys because *they* are tall. But there are tons of short women out there who also dig the tall guys. Sometimes the minimum height is a foot more than their own height! That's extremely childish and immature. It means they don't know what to look for in a man, much less appreciate him.

[annie24]

I understand where you're coming from. I have some friends that are 5'2" who want guys who are over 6 feet tall! I'm like, hey sister - 5'7" is a tall man compared to you!

 

Well, I guess if that's what a person wants and is attracted to... You try explaining to your female friends that 5'7" is tall when they are 5'2" and see how convincing they find your argument.

[chris7]

Don't do it! OK, I am a little biased because of my bad experience.

 

Same here, experienced and probably biased. However, I do think if you're willing to take a lot of time getting to know someone and preferably as just friends, your chances of success are greater than if you set out with a mission to find a mate.

 

Also, I think it's a good idea to do a professional background check in anyone you think you might be considering a future with. I wish I'd have taken my own advice.

[chris7]

An online relationship can start even when it's the last thing you're looking for. That's how it happened for me. I'm a member of an online group that has one common interest unrelated to the dating game. In the course of participating and exchanging idea's and general chit chat I met someone I thought I could have a future with. Wrong.

 

But good to you. Just be careful.

[Fionazou]

I just been told one of my friend will marry a girl met online. They met in a chat room around 4 years ago, and they maintained the romantic relationship and transferred it in the real world. It sounds like a love story for me, I was so surprised when he informed me. He told me that it needs lots of time to build and maintain the online relationship between them contrast with real life, it was never easy thing to do. Getting start to do something like building trust is important at the first stage but should be benefit between you and your online friends mutually. Good news always happen around you.

[LoneLioness]

My first one started when I was rping in a chat room with someone in a non rp, actually music related chatroom, I thought they were cool so I made another nic to chat with them, after about a month or 2 I confessed to them that I was that person they rp'd with too. They said they kinda already knew from the loging in and out times in the chat. They eventually asked for my email addy, I gave it, we wrote some emails back and forth and would make chat times with each other. He met some other girl online though and told me he had feelings for her, I then confessed to him that I had feelings for him and asked him why her and not me? He said well he did have feelings for me but he thought I wasn't interested. I told him to choose between us and he choose me. We met a month later, other then some brief kisses nothing happened. It lasted about a year more before we kind of grew apart and somehow became just friends and he told me he didn't want anything to do with me anymore.

 

My second one I met in usenet. We hated each others guts and flamed each other a few times before we ever talked outside of the group. I had just posted my IM contact one day and he Im'd me like we had never hated each other or argued so much. He asked me less then a week after we met online if I wanted to be his cyber girlfriend. I said yes. We lasted for about 3 months before I dumped him because the old arguments and his beliefs got to me and also because he started spending alot less time with me and treating me badly (he would put me on ignore at times right after we cybered).

 

My last one, thats just ended or maybe hopefully not, we met at an online dating site. I just sent him an "i'm interested" message even though he was in another state, because he sounded like the perfect guy for me. We hit if off great at first, I think the first 2 months of the relationship were the happiest I've ever had. After about 2 weeks meeting him online we just kind of became a couple, I had made a joke saying he was mine and I had dibs and he took it seriously and we somehow became a couple then. I miss those days

[LoneLioness]

That is sad. You sound like a nice guy, wish my ex had been that way, he was like your ex instead. I would have killed for him to have felt the way about me that you felt for her. Please don't change, theres someone out there for you who would love a guy that devoted. If you're in my area I know I would.