schg1823 Posted July 13, 2019 Share Posted July 13, 2019 Hi there, thanks for reading. So this is something that has been weighing on my mind literally every day almost all day for months now, and I need advice from complete outsiders because it's not something I can talk to with many people other than my mom. I am recently married, last September, to a man that I *have* love for but am not *in* love with. We've gone thru some intense struggles and I think there is a codependency issue as we are not completely compatible, we have both acknowledged that, but we have such a history and are "comfortable" so we've stuck with each other. At the time getting married seemed right, especially after all the planning and money that went into it, and here we are 7 years deep with a giant question mark over our heads at times, and other times just going along and remaining sexually active, and romantic, etc. This is not the point of the post, but a background. We will be seeking therapy soon, but I'd rather comments on the forthcoming issue. There is a dude I work with that I do not know very well personally (...social media stalking has helped, ha), we are more acquaintances, have all the same work friends, etc., and I think I might be in love with him. I have literally never experienced the feeling that I feel when he is around me, not even close to it with my husband. I know this sounds ridiculous, but hear me out. He started working at our job last year and I was on long term leave, so I didn't get to know him, but I remember distinctly having a vivd elicit dream about him, not even really having met him, just knowing he was on my team at the company. The oddest thing, it was so satisfying and random, and it's been in my head ever since. Fast forward to now. It's been a handful of months that I've been back full time in the role, so we are around each other every day. There is a very distinct "vibe" I get whenever I am anywhere near him. One of those 'electric shock' things, like our souls match. He started making pointed eye contact with me a few months back and almost every single day, multiple times a day, we are catching each others' eyes and every time I get that jolt inside. It's so foreign to me because I have never felt that before. He isn't even someone I would typically see and think "oh heck yes, let me get with that." There's just something about him that is intoxicating to me, and I get the very distinct feeling he senses it too. He is a very social guy, but he very rarely talks to me. He will literally speak to everyone else in the room save for me, he avoids me but will showboat and banter with every single person around. But he is always somehow "around" me. Talking BS to my coworkers. I am decent at reading body language and if he is ever up talking to someone else his body is almost ALWAYS pointed straight at me even if the person he is talking to is next to him. He buffs up, and messes with his hair etc. I catch him looking all the time. When I pass him, the way he smiles at me takes my breath away, sounds cheesy, but it's like there's this roundness/softness or special kindness in his eyes that I haven't seen before and that I don't see him giving to anyone else. I have noticed he drops comments randomly around me when he is talking to other coworkers that are very sexual (when there was no need or call for it turning that way), he goes out of his way to be around the people who sit next to me and catch my eye. He has made comments relating to my interests that he wouldn't know about if he had not scoped my social media, and on multiple occasions he has sort of raised his voice mentioning them when in conversation with other people near me. I can't miss it. Towards the end of each day he gets up and walks the room almost aimlessly but it's clear he keeps trying to come my way but psychs himself out of saying a word. I try to avoid it sometimes but its like there is a freaking magnet between us. It's outrageously frustrating, because neither of us has the gall to really talk to the other. I might mention he has a girlfriend who works with us a floor up. She routinely comes down to speak to him and I notice his body language towards her is more like a "friend" but then again I'm not involved in the relationship so I can't say much. I just know my heart sinks when she is around, but I put it out of mind as I am also taken and I am not one to disrupt a relationship, his or mine, even though mine is super rocky. I don't know what to do or think. It feels like my gut or the universe or whatever keeps pulling me to him. It feels like in my subconscious there is a neon sign pointing at him saying "this one!" I keep saying in my head "just ignore it" but signs keep popping up, I see his make/model/car freaking EVERYWHERE and it reminds me of him. His name pops up literally everywhere, I'm not looking for it and it's in my freaking face so I can't ignore it. It just feels like one of those "meant to be" situations which is so foreign to me, because it's not something I have ever felt before. This random guy I work with, we are both taken, but there is something unmistakable about the connection between us. Lighting bolts, electric shock, whatever, that special feeling is what it is and I don't know what if anything I should do about it. I want to jump his bones and grab his shirt collar and kiss him almost every time I see him but I wouldn't ever do that out of respect for the fact we are both taken. We have similar interests from what I can tell and I guess maybe it's pheromones, or whatever, but it is so endlessly frustrating because I just want to be with him, the draw is literally erasing the things I tell myself to ignore in my brain, like an override. I feel happier than I think I ever have felt when he is around and we barely even talk HA. I've noticed a glow in myself when around him, and I see him smiling constantly when he is around me. What the heck do I do? Nothing and wait it out? Leave my current situation and hope for the best and that the universe works it out? I'm quiet on it for now, as I said I won't do anything to hurt or disrupt what is, but my heart strings pull me so freaking fervently to him it's hard to ignore. Has anyone else felt this? What did you do, if anything?? I don't want to destroy my marriage, although we are kind of already at a point of possible divorce, and I don't want to interrupt what's going on in his life by mentioning anything. Any advice appreciated. Thanks for getting this far. Link to comment
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