It has been an emotional seesaw

[marknatlgausa]

Okay my ex broke up with me about a month ago. She is seeing another guy and I have tried to No contact her several times. However, she keeps sending me text messages asking me if I hate her etc. She says she is sad b/c she feels like she has lost her best friend. Then when I make contact she gets really angry and hateful telling me she wants me out of her life etc. Then she calls again or texts again with the same BS. It has just been a vicious cycle. I may need to change my phone number. All of this is just crazy and she has made me pretty much not want to be with her again. I am just sad that she is acting like this. It is like she has moved on but does not want to let go. Anybody ever experienced any thing like this before? I sure have not. She does not want to get back together, but she is starting to cause me mental aggravation. I know I do not need to pick up the phone again. Or respond to her text messages. Just tell me what is this fruit cake trying to do? I really think she is just mad that I really dont want to be her friend. I mean she broke up with me she got what she wanted so she needs to move on. A very werid situation if you ask me. Thank

[keefy1972]

Yes, obviously, you shouldnt call or respond to her text messages. You know this already. It sounds to me like she goes through spells where she doubts her decision to break up with you. She is very confused and is left to make a decision. She can only make it of her own accord and you should give her the space to do it. Even if YOU have to force it on her. MAKE her take a vacation away from you by not responding or calling. She can evaluate the way she feels about you much more clearly that way. It doesnt have to be forever. You will know because I am sure her texts will get much more "lovey dovey" the longer you ignore her communication attempts. Just my guess though

[QTpie87]

I wouldn't just stop relplying. I would but not jut out of the blue. I would reply the next time she texts you and tell her you are not going to answer the texts anymore cause she is doing this (the be my friend/now I hate you thing). A-Then she will either realize how dumb she is and stop.

B- realize she should leave you alone. Or C- ignore what you said and continue to text you until she realizes that you aren't going to reply.

good luck.

Qtpie87

[DN]

Just ignore her. Either she is some sort of emotional sadist or she really is a fruitcake - in either case you are well rid of her. I wouldn't even tell her you are not responding any more, she would probably enjoy it too much.

[quing]

I think she wants you to act needy and to chase her to help her hate you for being in her face and not letting her get on with her life so she can get over you, but the more you don't the bother the more she tries to instigate it to help her in her fantasy world.

 

She is looking for reasons to hate you, but she can't and she almost hates you for that.

 

Silly women!

[DN]

I think she wants you to act needy and to chase her to help her hate you for being in her face and not letting her get on with her life so she can get over you, but the more you don't the bother the more she tries to instigate it to help her in her fantasy world.

 

She is looking for reasons to hate you, but she can't and she almost hates you for that.

 

Silly women!

 

silly woman! Not all women are like that - most are not.

[marknatlgausa]

I agree with DN. I think she wants to hate me. A lot of sad things happened in our relationship. I wish I could tell you guys b/c it would shed some light on our situation. I just cant tell ya b/c it was a very private thing. Lets just say that many women go through what she went through and I think it was very emotional for her. She wanted to go through with it and after we broke up she told me she regretted it. Maybe this is why she hates me. But then I sometimes think she uses it as ammunition to make me feel bad. Life is tough and it sucks sometimes. Maybe time will heal all wounds.

[DN]

I agree with DN. I think she wants to hate me. A lot of sad things happened in our relationship. I wish I could tell you guys b/c it would shed some light on our situation. I just cant tell ya b/c it was a very private thing. Lets just say that many women go through what she went through and I think it was very emotional for her. She wanted to go through with it and after we broke up she told me she regretted it. Maybe this is why she hates me. But then I sometimes think she uses it as ammunition to make me feel bad. Life is tough and it sucks sometimes. Maybe time will heal all wounds.

 

If you mean what I think you mean I would imagine you are right. She probably feels guilty and is trying to put it all on you to make herself feel better. Even more reason to walk away - you are in a lose-lose situation there.

[quing]

Maybe you should ask her to be straight why she appears to be trying to hate you and if it is the problem, and say that you could both go talk to some therapist to together and say that you still suffer from it all as well but you don't blame anyone.

 

It is a difficult thing to deal with at the time thoughts are clouded but later guilt and frustration can kick in.

 

This is what she maybe trying to run away from.

[natem985]

I'm going through the exact same thing.

 

My exgirl who dumped me about a month 1/2 ago is now seeing my friend on my floor of my dorm. She keeps IMing me asking if I hate her, asks why I ignore her when I see her in the dorm.

 

She's putting you and me in a lose-lose. If you say what may be on your mind, that you DO hate her, well it reinforces her thoughts. If you say that you don't hate her, she probably has less respect for you. I hate her for leaving me, lying to me, and getting with my friend...but there's no use in telling her that. She's with someone else, why does she keep pestering you and me? The only thing it does is make you feel worse, she gets inside your head-which may be her goal. Once a psycho, always a psycho.

 

The only way you can win is NC, in my opinion