Cheating spouse...to tell or not to tell?

[Annia]

If it was my best friend I'd absolutely tell her. However be prepared to not be believed or that she "shoots the messenger". Also, only tell her if you're absolutely sure.

[Annia]

Yes, there is solid proof. Like I said, I think she would be devastated. I tend to want to leave it alone. Maybe she already knows what he is like and prefers to keep it their little secret.

 

If I had solid proof I'd tell her. It'd be hard though if she'd be devastated... however, it can also be devastating getting an incurable STD due to trusting your husband and having your health on the line without your knowledge.

[trufo]

I really don't understand people who would hide this information because "sometimes it's better not to tell". I don't believe in living in a lie regarding one of the most important/sensitive social connections a person can have (a committed romantic relationship). I've even seen people state that cheating doesn't matter as long as the partner doesn't find out. In my opinion that's ridiculous and I wouldn't even be able to become superficial friends with them and hopefully I'll never date such a person.

 

That being said, I believe in being a morally good person. Cheating isn't morally correct and thus this situation must be changed into what is morally correct. You knowing it and not telling is also betrayal in my opinion. As others have suggested, I'd tell the husband first and listen to his explanation. I'd also be extremely careful not to get manipulated, I believe there's a high correlation between cheating and lying in general. A person that cheats is great at lying or choosing not to share that information (which is also lying). So, I'd tell him what I saw. Listen to his reaction and if he admits to cheating I'd tell him he has to share it with your friend otherwise I'd do it. If he doesn't admit it I'd ask him if his wife knows. No matter the response I'd subtly tell your friend what you saw: "I accidentally ran into *husband* a while back in a fine dining restaurant. I didn't speak to him but I wondered if you know he went there and with whom?"

 

Good luck, you'll be doing the ethical thing by telling your friend.