Limbo.......

[fIIsion]

Really confused at the moment about my situation.

My girlfriend of six years has ended our ,what I thought a perfect relationship.

Basically she told me out of the blue that her feelings had changed, in fact her feelings had changed for a while, but was going through the motions of the relationship because the felt that things might improve.

 

I should of read the signals earlier on (l no intmacy, coldness..etc) but she had things going on in her life that I thought were the issues, not me. There was no communication, I backed off to let her deal with her issues.

 

Since our break-up, I have made some contact, one letter, a few phone calls to try and discuss basically, what happened?, are you sure about your feelings?, does the time we spent together warrent some attempt to see if we can work things out.

 

She cannot or will not discuss this at the moment, understandbly, but where does this leave me?

She has been crying alot because she feels guilty about hurting me but has made no attempt to contact me directly, only through her friend who speaks to us both.

 

I have been going through a rollercoaster of emotions, analysing, over-analysing, talking to friends, sleepness, no appetite, anger, resentment...etc

 

I have avoided contact for the time being, but I keep thinking, does she still care for me?, how can someone soo in love, fall out of love?, is this a phase? is this it?, will she ever pick up the phone and say I miss you soo much, I have made a mistake, will she never ring and move on?

 

How can 6 years mean so little to her, we feel like strangers at the moment. Its too early for me to simply let go and move on with my life, she was my life.........as my title states, i'm in limbo.

[rosierizzle]

1. The six years obviously didn't mean 'so little' to her or she wouldn't be crying.

 

2. I think you need to talk face to face - it will be uncomfortable but it'll make things easier.

 

3. She obviously still cares for at least a bit. If she didn't I doubt she would feel so guilty, upset and avoiding contact.

 

TALK TO HER!

 

Good luck!

[fIIsion]

I wish it was as simple as that, but I've been told by her to back off and give her space.

She has not even confided with her best friend about her feelings and I've been told by her friend to 'back off'.

She did not decide to break-up over night and has had time to come to terms with this break-up for a while, at least in part, this came as a complete shock to me.

 

I cannot force the issue with her at the moment, and although I've been told by close friends to think about myself and move on, this is impossible.

I don't know what to do or think.

[caveat]

I went through something similar over a year ago (also a long term relationsip) and the bottom line is that it SUCKS and it gets harder before it gets better. Not the uplifting words that you need right now, but you need to prepare yourself for whats coming because one way or another its most likely going to be a long haul.

 

So what do you do? She wants space. GIVE IT TO HER. Give it to her not only because she is asking for it, but do it also to preserve your own sanity. She has some huge questions rolling around in her head and no coercing or pleading on your part is going to help resolve those questions in your favor (long term favor anyways). What you might succeed at should you press her, however, is to drive her further away. Give her her space.

 

Okay, so you give her space. Now what do you do? Focus on yourself. Keep yourself super busy even if in doing so it only seems like you are going through the motions like a robot.

 

Hang in there...

 

Caveat

[marolua]

This is really a hard situation.

Do you think that what worries you most is losing her or not knowing why you two have been broken.

Eventhough she has told you to back of, she owes you an explanation. It is not so simple to say that 'my feelings have changed' and than to stop any contact. This should be so hard for you! You should nevertheless get an explanation, not by saying that "hey I want you back" but making her understand that she cannot finish a relationship by running away. If she is coward even to give you an explanation, oh, I dont know what else you can do.

Your friends might be telling to keep on your life, but thats the hardest thing in the world ever. Time will heal, but may be you should start to think that this relationship is over and hey! maybe that aint so bad! you are on a new track

Good Luck,

[Dateagain]

So sorry this happened to you. The only thing that's gonna help is time. You have no perspective now because it is so fresh. Allow yourself to grieve - this is huge. when I went through a bad breakup I rented a lot of movies and just stayed in and cried. Everyone is different. Please know you will feel normal one day -- it will just take a while. I KNOW how bad it sucks!

[fIIsion]

What worries me most is losing her, I love her very much and for over five years our relationship was as good as it can be, of course with the usual bumps in the road.

Coming to terms with being told by your soulmate that she no longer loves you is extremely difficult, I would like to think that there might be a possiblty that things will work out in the end, maybe she is going through an early mid-life crisis (she's also 32).

 

Her feelings seemed to have changed around the time she lost weight, gave up her dull job, travelled for about a month, she is more confident in herself about her appearance.

Could these be the reasons? or maybe I don't give her that 'spark' anymore.

The fact that she is unwilling or unable to provide answers, could suggest that she is confused at the moment, maybe with all the changes in her life she is thinking of other possibilties.

Do I hang in there and see what happens? am I clinging on to false hope?

I'm in a rut at he moment and don't know which way to turn.

[Dateagain]

People change at different rates, that's just the way it is. I went through a similar thing at 35, and my partner was just as shocked as you are now. But I had changed in ways that made us incompatible. I can't say that's the situation for you. trying to figure it out will make you nuts. Until your gf can give you more information, you'll just keep spinning it out in your head. As long as she know you are willing to work it out, that's all you can do. My ex was willing to work it out, I wasn't. There was nothing bad wrong with him, I just grew in a different direction.

 

I can't stress enough how you have to deal with your grief and loss right now. That means doing things that comfort you and reaching out, like you are doing. Unfortunately, you have to go THROUGH it, not AROUND it. I hate that part! Rememebr, lots of others have been where you are and we're here for you!

 

Gotta go for now, but I'll check the posts later.

[fIIsion]

feeling really depressed at moment, just got off the phone from her best friend, she tells me that my ex is adamant about the split and is sticking by her decision.

Its only been about 10 days since our split, so what did I expect.

I know i'm only kidding myself that we will get back together, but to lose hope at this moment in time, i think will send me over the edge.

And yet clinging to the hope that some day she might change her mind, re-discover her feelings is really sad..........what was i thinking , that maybe she discovers some old photos of us and starts thinking about what she will miss.

People keep telling me that she wasn't the right woman for me, that I will find someone better......etc, but 6 years is a long time to be with someone, I never gave a moments thought that she would stop loving me and that we would always be together.

I'm trying to be strong but deep down I feel dead inside.